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Readers Respond: Were You A Victim Of Verbal Abuse?

Responses: 352

By

Smart, Pretty and Verbally Abused

I've been with my husband for four years. We got married three years ago because I was pregnant with our first child. The first time he made me cry he felt so bad I thought it would get better. But it never did. I am called all sorts of names, told to shut the f*** up, that he doesn't want to look at my stupid face. I never get an apology or if I do it's "I'm sorry but really this is your fault." I am a beautiful, smart, funny girl and I don't want to waste any more of my life with him. I hope someone in the similar situation will read this and NOT get married just because you're pregnant.
—Guest Desperation

Need to Leave Verbally Abusive Husband

I have been with my husband for 16 years now and the last 10 years have been hell. I never do anything right in his opinion. The food is never good enough, the house never clean enough. I'm not thin enough. He calls me fat and bitch in front of our children and now my little boy has started calling me fat. How am I suppose to react to that? He tells me I am worthless. He will not give me money when I need it. He tells me I don't pay the bills so why should he give me anything? I don't know what to do. I am so lost and alone. I want to leave but I have nowhere to go. I just want to be happy again.
—Guest bjc

Married to Verbally Abusive Man

Every stressful moment in his life is taken out on me. His insults are so shocking I sit, stunned, as he tries to degrade me. In the beginning, I trusted he meant the things he said, and of course I would cry my eyes out. My face was always puffy from crying. Slowly I noticed how my mind altered due to his insults. My self esteem was a complete zero. I behaved differently than the real me would. The crying changed to "crisis management" on my end. I told him I refuse to be part of conversations that only take place to bring me down. Ex: "Your life is a joke." "Every decision you made in your life was a mistake." "You are a sh*t-head (because I won Trivial Pursuit. How trivial.)" And worse and worse. He often uses what others think against me. When I ask what people specifically, there is no answer, which makes him angrier. He uses my insecurities against me. I knew it was abuse when my thinking changed from, "Why would this man ever marry me!?" to, "Wait, why did I marry this man?"
—Guest tiredandnewwife

How to Prove Verbal Abuse

My husband called me retarded in front of my three toddlers yesterday because I walked into the bedroom to get something while he was trying to sleep. He then told me to shut the hell up when I asked him not to speak to me that way in front of the children. The worst part of this is that if I wanted to prove that I was being treated this way constantly, I'd only have my word...I'm slowly eroding away.....
—Guest a.p.f.c.h.j

10 Years Of Verbal and Physical Abuse

My 13 year wedding anniversary is in 2 days and I realize I have been verbally abused for the last 10 years. He was very charming until I got pregnant with our 10 yr old daughter. He started calling me names and threatening me. He quit coming home or ever helping with anything. He would push, choke, and bite me because I didn't know when to shut up. We went on to have twin girls 3 years after my daughter was born. Now that it has been 10 years, I realize that I don't love him anymore. He is the meanest man I've ever met. He tries to not call me names or hurt me but he is always criticizing me. I quit antagonizing him though. I know not to mess with him or it will get ugly. He lives his own life and refuses to help me with our business or anything else. He says I can't be satisfied and that I can't control him. I just want him to be a normal, nice man who pulls his weight. But everything I say is wrong. I am so depressed. I think I am ready to leave.
—sadtoolong

How I Left My Abusive Husband

I married a very verbally abusive man. For the first year, he charmed me. Then the verbal abuse began. You hope that it can change and you buy into their half-hearted apologies. "Their anger overcomes them." So I took my life in my hands and changed things. At 48 I entered a trade school and created an Internet business to keep my mind focused. It saved me mentally! My therapist (best advice ever) told me to leave only when I was CALM...otherwise I would return and be roped in again. I set my goals and finally walked out the door very CALMLY (I meant business) while he looked on crying uncontrollably. I divorced him and live happy and in charge of my life. The problem was...I did not have healthy boundaries. I do now...and know the actions I will take if ever I encounter them again. I am 100% accountable for my own happiness. Best of luck to all of you! You think it is "love" or "he says he loves you"...it is NOT and he can't love you because he does not love himself!
—Guest Janet

If He Loves You, He Doesn't Abuse You

In the beginning I met a great guy, charming, smooth talking, talked himself up to everyone. He was s dream. Once we became official, my clothes weren't right, my hair was too messy, I was a c*nt. I embarrassed him etc. I was told to have sex twice daily or he would leave me, my self esteem dropped drastically. I went from successful to lazy and always wanting to sleep. I did everything for him in order to make him happy. His drinking became horrible, his fists hit the walls during a fight. I was never GOOD enough but he "loved me" and everything was for "my own good". Crying everyday, depressed, feeling "crazy" I fell asleep at his mothers house after a 9 hr work day and didn't help him w/ the yard work...I was hit and than forced out of his car on the highway. That was it for me, I know I'm not crazy, and I know that is NOT what I deserve. He was a manipulator, he used me in order to "UP" himself and he has 100% psychopathic tendencies. I saw them in the beginning, and now, i acted. :)
—Guest kate17

Abused But Not a Victim!

I was in an abusive marriage. I knew from the beginning that something was wrong, but stayed for seven years and had 2 children. I love my kids and will always cherish them as the best and most precious gifts that I took out of my abusive marriage. After 7 years of verbal, emotional and mental abuse, I decided enough was enough. I got a restraining order one night after being slammed against my garage door (NEVER AGAIN) without provocation. I watched from my car as the police took my husband out of my house, while my children slept upstairs. It was one of the most difficult, painful days of my life. The divorce was even worse. PURE HELL. But now...that's over. I still deal with this man from time to time, but today, my life and home are filled with peace, love, calm, laughter, grace, and a lack of fear, abuse, yelling, hurting, anger. Today my life is my own and I'm SO GRATEFUL I had the courage and strength to end it. End your abusive relationship today! You can do it!
—Guest lesismore

Once an Abuser, Always an Abuser

I am in the middle of getting out of a now physically, as well as verbally abusive relationship. It’s always my fault because I spoke too loud, or when I was insulted and had my stuff broken, it was my fault because I shouted at him, and now the (non-existent) neighbors can hear. It has happened so often, I’m used to wearing long tops that cover my bruised arms and wrists, and feel like the most hideous, useless person in the world. He is blaming me and apparently I am going to be a lonely "bitch" for the rest of my life. It has taken me being choked and being knocked out to realize that I deserve better, and that he does not mean it when he says “sorry”, and that he WILL do it again.
—Guest aranga

Always Leave an Abusive Husband!

He calls me terrible names just whenever he feels like it, I can't talk to him about anything important or I am whatever he says I am. He's very controlling and doesn't want me to spend time with my children or grandchildren. He has shoved me a few times always threatening to hurt my family. He says things like I'm not going to penitentiary for you and your kids. My children are all adults I am not allowed to leave the house without first telling him. I have to call him at work if I go to the store 4 minutes away and call when I get back; He constantly accuses me of messing with men I don't know. If I talk about an issue with my job it's an argument. I am so stressed and depressed, I have lost weight in three months. When not working I sit in my bedroom or lay down all day. If I get a phone call he is always in on the conversation with my mom, sisters, children whoever calls. It's like he is always watching me but yesterday I found the courage to leave I can't take it anymore did I do the right thing?
—Guest Char

It Isn't Love, It is Abuse

I love my boyfriend with all my heart, soul, spirit, mind and life. It's like I'm standing in a field of beautiful wild flowers and I see these dark gray menacing rain clouds darting at me really fast and!!! I can't escape fast enough and he has me cornered. I try to leave but it's so difficult for me to get away from him. I am a prisoner of his and he has me where he wants me! I start to hear all these degrading, hateful, harsh, belittling, berating, snide, disrespectful and negative words from his mouth. I can't get him to stop so he and I can talk and come to an agreement where if he can't say anything nice to me don't say anything to me at all? I wish he would not been so harsh towards me but he is. I still love him and he still loves me too but. I don't love his bright and vibrant language towards me.
—ericsupsetgirlfriend

Abusive Husband Gets One More Chance

My husband snaps all the time, the littlest things sets him off and I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. He tells me I'm too sensitive and that I over-react. He yells at me if our 11 month old falls and hurts herself - he makes me feel like I'm not looking after her properly. If I talk to him and tell him he has upset me then I get the 'silent treatment' . He hates where we live (overseas) and hates his job, he is constantly making negative comments. I'm so tired of the negativity, it's wearing me down, I just want to be happy. I don't want him to snap at me over every little thing. I feel like I can't be myself. I love him but I don't think he can change. I told him yesterday that I will give him one more chance... god I hope he can change.
—Guest CC

When do You Leaven An Abusive Boyfriend?

I've been in a relationship going on 6 years. Although there's been physical abuse the emotional abuse is what's killing me. My boyfriend is constantly telling me how stupid I am for not graduating college, calling me names (everything from A-Z), etc. He handles the money and then gets mad at me when I tell him I feel like a child getting allowance when I need to go to the store and buy groceries. I'm the only one working but yet the money is always his and in his wallet. I am so lost and confused because I do love him but don't know whether to leave because he WAS there for me during a rough time. I'm always depressed an emotionally drained and he blames it on me constantly. What to do? Note From the Guide, Cathy Meyer...The solution to your problem is simple in theory. You need to collect your self-esteem and your bags and leave him. I know that is easier said than done but staying is your choice. When you get enough of his abuse, you will make the choice to leave. I hope that happens sooner than later.
—Guest Ready2go

Recovery From a Mentally Abusive Marriag

I never thought I was in a relationship where I was being mentally abused, until a got out. My relationship during courtship was fine, or so I thought, although in looking back now, he displayed abusive traits even then, but i didn’t get it. As soon as we married, he totally changed. He was extremely controlling and very critical of everything. Always very negative about everybody and everything. He always felt he knew the answers to everybody’s problem. Never would a discussion be resolved, but rather "forgotten". If I felt the need to discuss the issue, I was always too sensitive. He would take every opportunity when angry to make sure he would be as offensive as possible. I got tired after the first 4 years of marriage and began to defend myself. I finally left him, to his surprise after 8 years. I am recovering now.
—terress

Controlled by Verbally Abusive Husband

My husband gets angry and shouts, it scares me. I cannot bring a friend home because he always has a problem with it, hence I have no friends, I am in a strange place far away from home and I have no one that I can talk to. I just want to keep my sanity, but sometimes I want to leave. I feel as if he does not respect me, and I have to depend on him for everything although I have a good job. He controls all the money.
—Guest help me

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