so tired
- I am married to a husband who tells me I have to do what he says; he tells me this is not a two way street, that I have no say in the relationship; he says it is a dictatorship and he's the dictator and that the sooner I stop fighting it, things will get better in our marriage. ...what else?... Sometimes I try to talk to him on how I feel and he sighs really big and makes me feel like it's getting on his nerves, like I'm raising his blood pressure. I have gotten to a point where I am scared to say anything for fear of him screaming at me. I asked him to leave the house and he says because he is paying the bills he will not leave. I told him I am going to file for a divorce and he just keeps talking over me. We get into a fight, I go to my room, and he comes in minutes later expecting me to be over the argument like nothing happened. Other times he will not stop until I am completely drained emotionally. I was told this is abuse. I am in the process of finding a family lawyer.
- —Guest houston, tx
Hoping isn't enough anymore.
- I've been with my boyfriend for a year and 8 months. Things seemed perfect until 5 months ago. He has called me virtually every name in the book, and when I get upset his argument is he is only joking. He says I think with my emotions and not my head, and because of this I am the reason for every fight we've had. When I am upset, he tells me I am being a distraction to him because he has more important things to worry about. He has literally molded me into what he wants me to be. I am completely opposite of what I was when I first met him. I have lost contact with most of my friends because he didn't like them. He has tried turning me against my family. He has cut down my self-esteem till I am nothing. I did not have depression before, but now I do. Talking to him is virtually impossible, and he is never accountable for his actions. I have started going to counseling, and I have realized hoping and praying sometimes isn't enough.
- —Guest hoping
Controlled
- My ex played on my insecurities all the time. I spent years trying to scrimp and save, but he’d question every credit card bill. A few things he discouraged me from: pursuing the career I had been in school for, staying in touch with old friends, joining a book group, running, going to the gym, taking anti-depressants, making plans with other women that didn’t include him… I’ve had the same car for 12 years, and he refused to consider getting a newer one (we had a decent income). He didn’t like it when I dressed up, didn’t like my body when I was pregnant, then criticized me when I lost the baby weight. He ignored me when he was home, except to criticize something around the house, was always watching TV, or on the computer. He would get crazy angry to end any discussion he didn’t like, and threaten divorce when I wanted to do things he didn’t want me to. Now everyone feels sorry for him because “I broke his heart” when I left.
- —Guest Ohio mom
OMG What am I going to do?
- I am so tried of being treated like yesterdays garbage. I don't know why I stayed in this mess for 9 yrs. He is so demeaning and yet he seems to figure out how to blame me for everything. I just so enjoy the abuse: Are you wearing that? Your a butterball. Wow, you're really gray on and on and on, but my all time favorite is You're an Idiot. This last fight was the mother load of them all and now its divorce time. After our wonderful fight to show me who's the "REAL BOSS" he went to the bank took my name off of our joint account which mind you I had just mailed a 20k plus check to the IRS. I went to the bank and explained what was going on and sadly enough they could careless. Now he has all the money and total control- just what he has been always wanted. I guess its easy to control someone who doesn't fight back. I really believe verbal abuse is just the tip of the iceberg.
- —Guest Long Beach
tired of crying
- my husbad and i have been married for almost 3 years we have a 6 month old daughter . i am so tired of being yelled at for everything i do . he gets up in my face and is always making threats to me . i want to leave but i know he wont leave me and my daughter alone. i am always so happy when i am not with him and usually crying when he is around . i pray everyday that he will leave or something will happen to him . if i could do it over i would have never married him. i feel for all these woman and can not belive there are so many out there. it really makes me sad that so many people and there kids have to go threw this . i hope all of you get the chance to be free and happy. i know i will one day . tired of crying and looking forward to the future
- —Guest liza
Last chance
- I have been verbally abused by my husband for 7 years. We have two young children together, one is a baby. When I found out I was pregnant he just mocked me and said 'don't be stupid, we never have sex' (as if to blame me because we don't do it enough). I was infact pregnant and his response devastated me. The first half of our marriage was even worse, he constantly used to tell me to go 'f' myself and tell me to 'f' off when things didn't go his way or if I didn't agree with him. He was always criticising me saying that I didn't do things correctly. He used to punch doors and throw objects around as well. After leaving him twice, I have finally had enough. He has calmed down lately and is now attending counselling because he knows I'm serious about leaving if this continues. I will NOT have my children being bought up to think this is normal, or going into bad relationships because of his anger. I refuse to let him put me down. Enough is enough!
- —Guest Helen
I finally get it.
- My husband's verbal abuse started before we were married, and I feel like an idiot for letting it go on for so long. The insults were blatant whenever he was drinking (he called me an f***ing weirdo for pointing out something dangerous he was doing while drinking, and once told me my hurt feelings were not his f***ing problem). But sober, he is a much more crafty with words. He would come out with these snyde little barbs, often in front of others. He also seemed to like to attack my character, for instance accusing me of having no self discipline or common sense when he didn't agree with small, inconsequential decisions I made. When I point out that he can't possibly love me, he insists he does. He tells me I'm making false assumptions about his feelings. I finally told him I trust my intuition more than I trust him, and our marriage is over.
- —Guest Marie
I wish I had Understood earlier
- I am with this guy for the past four years. it was all in the beginning. but soon he started getting mad at me for petty little things. First it was limited to yelling. soon it went on to calling names. Every time he gets mad he calls me names. He calls me lame, dumb and the very next moment says that he was doing this to make me improve myself. "beneficial criticism" . I have left him before but he somehow makes me come back to him. This time he abused my parents and for the third time. I have decided to leave him and this time I am not getting back to him. The biggest problem was i never realized what he had been doing until today. I am tired of him. Tired being responsible for his actions. Fulfilling all his demands and still being called dumb, treated like crap when angry and being called names. I walk on eggshells around and scared of him. I am leaving him this time. I pray this time i save myself.
- —Guest Inayat
so tired.
- My husband works driving and is gone a lot. I recently lost my job, but have another lined up in one month. Our whole marriage has been one where I am responsible for the house and child, and he does the outside work and then goes to play with friends. While he is gone, I try so hard to make things perfect in the house, but with a 3-year-old and a job, sometimes I just can't. Every day, I ask for the time he might be home, so I can make sure things are done so I don't get yelled at for my inadequacy, but there is always something missed. Something that makes our house a pig sty. Something I did wrong. Something I did better, and he is right, I am wrong, no questions in his mind. Then he wants to forget it all an hour later, all the names and anger and just have family time. If I don't want to, I am throwing a cleaning tantrum and being childish, in his mind. Oh. I get so tired. I don't want a divorce. It makes me sad.
- —Guest masanders
he said he was different
- through out the first month of our relationship i thanked god for us being together then he started to throw the food that i cooked yell at me for not cleaning his mess throwing the dishes back in the sink hitting me until i bruised to teach me how to fight forcing me to have sex with him and blaming me for people mentally abusing me and blaming the fact that he was german because of his behaviors calling me unstable and uncapable to have a relationship because i dont stick around to listen to him. he says my christian religion says i have to listen to him because he is the head of the household and he says the book of corinthians says i have to be obedient to him. this made me want to lose my religion
- —Guest alice marie thomas
Good for you James!
- It is good to hear from a man who doesn't think he should take it. So many men are ashamed to admit they are being abused. I'm very happy you recognized it as her problem and not your problem. Good luck!
- —Guest DivorceGuru
WAS a victim, working on not being one
- Ok, here I am, impulsively responding, but I am finding the memories too painful to deal with. Let's talk about the last straw...an argument where my wife was screaming at me (nothing unusual there), grabbed my phone and flushed it down the toilet so I couldn't leave. I did anyway. I slept in the car for a few days. This infuriated her all the more, but there wasn't much she could do. There was to way in hell I was going back there. It may sound silly compared to the horrible things some of you have gone through - but she was spitting on me, and grabbed my face to pull me closer at one point. It was over. NO WAY. End of story. Goodbye. Of course that didn't stop the talk that I had "abandoned" her. Her family totally supports her. Her dad laughed about the spitting and rough handling: "Good! You didn't stoop to his level." What level? The level of groveling victimhood? Well sir, I'M no longer stooping to that level. That's why she got so upset.
- —jamesmb113
Time4ChangesNow
- It has been going on all our marriage of almost 23 yrs. This man is now 60 and managed never to be responsible for anything in his life. Only once in his whole life did he ever earn more than $15k in a year. He claims to be a Christian and has some inside track God divulges info only to him. But his mouth is foul and spews the most outrageous insults pretty much daily. And the last year he has ragged pretty hard on our 17 yr old daughter 2 tho she is a 4.0 student, never in trouble in her life, and her teachers can't say enough good about her. He drinks all the time and is mean. He tried being physically abusive, I managed to stop that but punished ever since because I called the law. Had a restraining order but he wrapped the judge around his finger, painting me as the hysterical overreacting woman so judge orders me to correspond with him. So much for restraining order. Obviously I could not get away while we had a minor child. Now no $ he wont work or pay bills. Need help!
- —Time4ChangesNow
Want out
- I've been married 14 years. As long as everything is going his way, there is no problem. He always demands things from me. I work and when I come home from work, he asks me to wait on him, altho Im exhausted. I've been called every name in the book. I've tryed to be quite but lately I have gotten verbally abusive back, especially when he talks about my dead mom. Im surprised I havent ended up in jail. I find myself up late with panic attacks. So, why dont I get a restraining order. Maybe I fear I'll end up on the cover of a newspaper. Women shot. What stops women like me from doing something about this verbally abusive relationship
- —Lindahelp
24 years off Hell
- It been 24 years--Yes 24 years and I have cried every single day. I can't do ANYTHING right. Calls me names, demanding, puts me down, wakes me from sleep just to yell at me, its always my fault and he states he acts this way because of me,accuses me of cheating and I am not, silent treatment after huge fights of breaking and throwing things of mine, Not allow to have fiends or much time with relatives as it was taking my time that I could be spending with him--Even though all he would do when we are together is start a fight. Dismiss my feelings and says it all in my head, He never says he is sorry! I have tried to leave a few time and somehow I always came back. At first it was ok and then back to the same thing. This is very unhealthy for me and our kids, & I can see it in them now that I set back and really know what is going on, before I was always so numb and just did the best I could to keep things half way normal for the kids. I can't take it no more and I am leaving for good!!
- —Guest All I Do is Cry
