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Readers Respond: Were You A Victim Of Verbal Abuse?

Responses: 352

By

A master at verbal abuse can damage your self-esteem while, at the same time, appear to care deeply for you. The use of words to punish is a covert attempt to control and regardless of how loving your spouse may appear, verbal abuse is wrong. Has someone you love verbally abused you? If so what words were used and how did you respond?

If you need real life support for a question or problem, please post to theDivorce Support Forum for feedback from others..

Trying to make the right choice

I have been reading these responses all day today and gathering the courage to acknowledge that I put myself in a position where I allowed my husband to disrespect me for a very long time. We have been together for 11 years. If I use my rational thinking, I have to admit to myself that he has ALWAYS treated me this way. Although I have usually expressed my feelings to him and did not keep quiet, it never fixed anything. Instead, I was always the one to apologize, try to put myself in his shoes, try to change. Several things that he has done - I am still not admitting to myself or anyone else - he has been making me loose weight for years; he has physicaly hit our cats more than once, and often punished them by locking them in the litterbox room for hours and once for a whole day; he has playfully hit me as if in a game and not with real force, but still; he has called me stupid and other names more than I can count; when he is angry - it is always because I did something "stupid".Help!
—Guest Want to be happy

Just Worn Out!

Tired of the cheating and verbal abuse. always blaming me of why he has sex out of the marriage. Having babies on and when I go him always begs like the dog he is for me to come back. I just need to get some backbone and go for good. He tries to make a fight so he can go spend the night over at women’s. He is very active in church and says I better be quiet and not get him throw off the band at church. He is a constant cheater and I really need help for me. I want him gone but please help me to be strong and divorce him undercover. I have never cheated on him and I always help him, no matter how angry I get. He calls me bad names and I am a Christian. He wants me to leave his women in church alone. I just need the strength to begin the process of divorce. Please help me GOD.
—Guest kathy491208

Verbal Abuse Victim

I am a victim i cant see a way out its like walking on eggshells the shouting screaming put me downs the blame the physiology.
—Guest littlemiss

It Is Never OK

I've read over many of these and most are extreme conditions. I come from a less extreme situation. My husband of 4 years now has always been critical and judgmental even controlling at times getting angry over small things like picking up poker cards before everyone is dealt. (in front of his mother and sister.) I let him get away with it and now am paying for it. He had a internet affair while deployed and afterwards tried to make me feel bad for being distant only a few days after finding out, way after the fact (5 months) told me I should let it go already so we can just forget it and move on. An that is was only a small mistake that it was not cheating. The small things are getting angry because I don't fold the towels a certain way, always close a closet door or clean out the sink after cleaning the dishes (:which can be 4 times a day) It is never okay to be made to feel less then happy by your husband. You are a person and deserve to be respected and appreciated
—Guest steph

Enough is enough

I have been verbally abused by my evil husband for over a year. He calls me stupid worthless witholds money from me and is so cold aand distant to my daughter his step child. He tells me its my fault that he treats us this way I told him I feel like we are in a war against each other in our own house and like i am unarmed and he is riddling my spirit with bullets . first he reminds me that its his house then he tells me if I really feel that way then I should really never piss him off. Reading all the other responses was so heart breaking it has finnaly given me the strenghth to do what I should have done along time ago get a DIVORCE
—Guest Kristian

Time to End It!

I'm married to an abusive man. He locks me out the house. Calls me names. Yells and curses over anything. I am tired of living this way. I am leaving if I have to live in a box it's better than this...but I know I'll be fine, they want you to believe that you cant make it on your own or that it will hurt the kids. Life is too short to waste it with an abusive person.
—Guest jackie

We Are Brave!

I have been on my own for 7 years now-great family round me but still struggle with my ex abuse in my head-please all get out whilst you can-i was luckily re-housed by domestic violence project there is support out there for you-yeh it is scary but its such a relief to just sit with your feet up if you feel like it and not be scared your partner is going to cause a major row because of it!You will start(well in my case) very slowly to feel like a 'normal' person again but it's better than being put down every day until you feel like a nothing-have courage take it no more stay strong good luck and stay safe
—pamsy21

We Are Both Abusive!

This is really strange, for my relationship, there are abusive things I do in response to his behavior. I have called him paranoid, but only after severe rants and his expectation of submission to his "authority" (so far only in opinion) I do not give him ANY control over the money that comes into the house, for fear he will spend it on not needs but wants, which he is apt to do, for he is VERY impulsive. He searches for a way to "put his foot down" and will even try to manipulate the entire weekend to argue with me so much as to admit defeat, has told me I am like a man with a giant set (testes) and yes he has threatened me physically before after a nasty drinking binge. I believe he is mentally ill, promises to get treatment to shut me up, but also will tell me psychology is crap, so here i am, making plans to eventually get out
—Guest guest beaniebaby

No Point Trying!

I'm so tired of giving him more chances to abuse me..no more..this time it is over. No love in this world is worth the constant uncertainty. He is a Jekyll and Hyde character everything is fine providing I pander to his every whim. When I'm ill and do not fulfill my role as a partner he turns into a monster. He uses filthy disgusting degrading language..the C word is his favorite. Yet he doesn't know it only reflects badly on his character! People like him give mental men a bad name - he is despicable! A total bully.. Hence society's low life.
—Guest Guest

No Point Even Trying

I'm so tired of giving him more chances to abuse me..no more..this time it is over. No love in this world is worth the constant uncertainty. He is a Jekyll and Hyde character..everything is fine providing I pander to his every whim. When I'm ill and do not fulfill my role as a partner he turns into a monster.. He uses filthy disgusting degrading language..the C word is his favorite. Yet he doesn't know it only reflects badly on his character! People like him give mental men a bad name - he is despicable! A total bully.. Hence society's low life.
—Guest Guest

Pregnant With 5th Baby

We've been married for 9years and I am currently expecting our fifth child. The abuse started about 2 months after we married. Back then it was physical abuse. When I went to our church for help he moved us to another state. The abuse escalated quickly and I finally called the police one night when he held a knife to my throat because I tried to leave. After his arrest he went through court ordered anger management and things seemed to get better. By the way, it was just after his arrest that I found out I was expecting our first child. Things were better for a couple of months, but then I was put on strict bed rest for 3 months and he was mad that I couldn't do all the cooking and cleaning. That's when the verbal abuse began. It has only gotten worse over the years. I tried to get help once, but he convinced them that it was all me then made my life Hell for telling on him. Everytime I try to leave he gets me pregnant so I feel like I can't and I am not allowed to have any friends.
—Guest Praying for help

I Finally Woke Up

I left my husband of 18 years. I walked out and took my kids with me. It started small, if I looked in a direction and a male happened to be there, I was wishing I was with him. I learned to keep my eyes turned to the ground to avoid the fight. (I was 19; I thought it was because he really loved me.) Then it moved up a bit, I would cook dinner, and he would say I must not love him because we had that same meal last week, and I needed to be more creative. (I worked 40 hours a week, paid all the bills, did all the house cleaning, and laundry, and ran the kids where ever they needed to be or wanted to go.) It would get worse and worse, I tried to change myself so I would not set him off. (If I don’t do this then he will be happy, if I do this the right way then he will be happy.) I figured out the man was never going to be happy, and it was going to be my fault no matter what. He started calling me a B**ch on a daily basis, once I told him that did not even bother me anymore, it c
—Guest I did it and survived

So Tired of Being Hurt

My husband and I have been married a little over four years. We are both seeing a psychologist and seeking help for our problems. We had what I thought was a productive marriage counseling today , until about ten minutes ago. When he went off on me for not telling him I was ready for bed when he was the one online and I was just sitting there. The thing is I had mentioned to him that I was waiting on him. He calls me all sorts of names: Stupid, paranoid, stupid b***h, dumb, a*****e. I cant take it!!!!
—Guest heartbroken

15 years and it still continues

I have been with my husband for a total of 15 years and married for 7. I never realized how emotionally abusive he had always been and become. He constantly calls me crazy and that I am undermining him as a parent(he had an affair too) blamed everything on me because I "made his life hell". He recently crossed the line and pushed me in front of our daughter. Blamed me because I dared stand up to him and when that didn't work he blamed his sister (who was there) for standing up for me. Everything is always MY fault or someone else's fault. Now he has me on silent because he is sulking and mad over his behavior which he blames on me. He is also still with the girlfriend and doesn't have a place to live.....he bought us a house and now bounces around between his mom's, this house and his girlfriend's. Amazing when I see it in print how much I put up with?
—Guest TM

The Abuse Will Never Stop

Have put up with emotional abuse for the past 30 years. NEVER gets any better. There is no way out for me because of my financial situation. I have had to put up with it all my life. Don't want to loose my house that took 23 years to aquire. Self-improvement is the only way out that I can see.
—Guest Guest withdrawn

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