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Readers Respond: How Did You Learn That Your Spouse Was Cheating?

Responses: 206

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cheating?

my wife lied the other day saying she was going to her friends house for a chat.i didnt believe her so i put a dictaphone in the car,she arrived late home 12 midnight,i played the dictaphone and she clearly asks her friend to be an allibiy for her as she was going for a drive in another guys car?i played the message to my wife and she tried grabbing it off me,i confronted her and she said its just afriend.i have kicked her out of the house,and af eel really bad
—Guest john

Finally Found the Smoking Gun!

Married to my wife for 7 yrs. I just knew there was something wrong in the relationship. She kept saying that it was all in my head, and that she wasn't cheating on me. Oh, I can't leave out the part: "if I was, I'd tell you". So check this. We have three kids. I've had a vasectomy for the past 5 yrs.....this past week I found "morning after" pills in our bedroom. Now she's stuck but she won't talk to me about anything. And now I'm the bad guy cause I'm not giving her the space/time she needs to figure out what she wants to do.
—Guest #1 dumb guy

Separated 4 times

I have two kids with my soon to be ex. We have separated 3 times. Every time we separate there is a boyfriend involved. I'm trying to let it go but when I see a mans cock sent to her phone or I catch her in bed with another guy, or catch her emailing a guy who she slept with and telling him she met another guy and sucked him off, I get pissed. Her parents lie to me and they watch the kids for her, then tell me she isn't interested in anyone. I'm tired of this bullshit. I have been a faithful husband and good father but her parents and her run my life. I know we are separated but why does she not care about how I feel?
—Guest Derek

Husband/Strippers

Husband of 33+ years told me he had visited a strip bar and not for just lap dance...maybe 2 or 3 times..He said it was just sex, and didn't mean anything. Now he's infatuated with a co-worker and talks with her on line constantly, and not just work related. She has a lot of baggage and problems with boyfriend and kids, so confides in my husband. My husband also has another friend/business associate who has cheated for years on his wife, and encourages my husband's extracurricular activities at the clubs? They email each other back and forth, about their antics with women. My husband also goes to company gym, sees the young women working out, with their tight clothing, and then emails other co-workers and the personal trainer on site, about this...and makes sexually explicit comments, of what he wants to do to them. Sorry to rude to elaborate....I am baffled....?? anyone got advice. My sister wants me to leave him and move in with her...I am on Lorazapam...can't sleep....
—Guest MaryJoanne56

Lost But Not Really

Anytime I state my feelings to my husband he says I'm trying to make. Something about me then says we're not going to work I guess because I'm talking about my feelings. He just started a new job making more money so I guess that's part of his motivation. I also feel that he is cheating on me maybe with. Someone at his new job It seems like every time he gets a job or a better one he feels that I'm not good enough to share it with him. Cause he always starts talking to one telling all my personal business to. I truly. Believe that he sees me as the dumb one that needs sympathy. I've always done hair and have held down a job and have helped him in any way possible. Even if it means paying all the bills and giving him money to do what he needs to do. If feels like he's abusing me mentally and psychologically. Ive asked for counseling but he says I'm the only one that needs it because Im the one that has the problem. I don't have anymore fight in me.
—Guest peaches

My Heart Tells Me So

Ive been with this woman over 7 years with her 4 kids. She has been gradually pushing herself away from me . It began a few years ago when she told me she needed time and space to figure out who she was as a person . I moved out immediately . We continued to be together but its not the same as 4 years ago . The sex has nearly completely stopped and now when I touch her she is telling me I need to do more than touch and gently touch her to get in the mood or she is not emotionally connected to me anymore but she stills love me . This rocked she said that she loved me a great deal but wasn't in love with me and to be intimate with me again it's going to have to build back up ! A while back she told me she has feelings about sleeping with another woman and it was strong . Later she changed her appearance by cutting all her hair off and gets excited when she sees a beautiful lady near her and comments on her looks without knowing . I've caught her on the phone with a female and refused to get off!
—Guest Mr.Libra

Cheating Husband?

My husband and I got separated 4 months ago. We were suppose to keep equal ground per mediator agreement. So far he has disregarded every thing in the agreement. He does not call me at all and when I call, he very rarely calls me back. I heard that there was a girl over there one evening and my kids seem to be hiding something. (6 years old) I do not know if he is cheating
—Guest i didn't

the sexting!

My husband was acting a lil strange lately I figured it was cus all the work! But I thought wrong one day I was trying to call him and call him no answer I knew right then there was something wrong he didn't come home for hours ok I dnt think nothing about it one night I broke into his phone seen txt msg from grl I didn't say anything 2 weeks past I was sitting on the bed talking to him I got his phone without him knowing about it I took his chip out and put it in my phone I saw a pic of him another grl I couldn't belive it but I still dnt know how. Long this. Has been going on I guess I will never know I'm still with him I forgave him for wht he did!
—Guest missnevergoingtoknow

fiance cheated

he came and told me he had cheated on me. i asked what happened and he told me that he took some girl to the movies, went out to eat, and had drinks but that they never had sex. but they had come close to doing it. what kills me is he was out doing this while im 15 weeks pregnant and my mother is barely holding on to life. All the while he's hollering hes broke but yet he has money to spend on random sluts. Since he claims there was nothing physical im trying to move past this i can forgive but i will never forget
—Guest sad in cc

Emotional Affair

Emotional Affair I had suspicions of one of his co-workers in December. He came home and talked about her a lot. I even said those words to him…”you sure talk about her a lot”. Well we were rarely having sex & then having the suspicion I checked our phone records & found three text from her number. I went a lil crazy and accused him of an affair & he assured me it was purely work related. I trusted this was true & never checked his records again….until…. He came home from work one Thursday & told me that he told her that I thought they were having an affair back in December. I was totally shocked that he would share that information & especially with the other woman. I told him he had opened a Pandora’s box and that when he got back to work after our long weekend she would certainly, that she would be thinking of the possibility. We went out of state to family’s house & we were having a great Friday evening. All sitting around having a few drinks on the back porch. He starts textin
—Guest Word with Friends

suspicion

a little over 3 weeks ago , my wife wanted a separation over something that I did so minor that I found that to be unusual since the fact that we been married for about 10 yrs so this really threw some red flags , a week goes by and she spuraticly changes her hair color from blonde to a burgany color and had her nails done and well over$ 600 of my check missing and yet no bills are paid !
—Guest

just thinking__

cant say that I really know he is cheating but sometimes I get"the feeling"and usually when you get that feeling your right! I mean he does talk to some other women online but when I ask about it he gets defensive or will just turn off the computer instantly and say whatever, kinda like hes mad but not like your accusing me upset. Then there are times out of the blue when he just ups and wants to go fishing, and I question that and he gets a little defensive about it and then says forget it,and when I suggest to get the kids ready and we all can go,he says no! about 8 years ago I used to be able to pick up his phone and now when I pick it up he always says I am snooping!I had to get something out of his wallet a few weeks ago and there was like at least two tiny pieces of paper with phone numbers on it.We have been abstenent for a while,I am going through some changes with thyroid,stress and early menopause all at once,he always knocks it.when I ask something he gives me that dumb look
—Guest just thinking__

Once A Cheater Always A Cheater

I discovered one of his affairs via his cellphone one summer eight years ago. I was talking to her when he thought he disconnected his cell phone. I overheard about 25 minutes of his conversation while they were having lunch. Once confronted, he said he would end it, but he didn't. I later discovered that he was still talking, seeing and working with her. I came to realize that she was not the only one and he was two timing me. He also had others since I thought this one was his first. He felt he was doing nothing wrong and that I had the problem. I now realize after much prayer and soul searching, he is the one with the problem. He still flirts with women and still doesn't care about me. He feels he did nothing wrong and he was coerced into saying he was sorry. He really is unhappy here, but since he is a PA man he doesn't know how to express his true feelings. I wants me to make the first step to ending the marriage so others will see it was me and not him at all.
—Guest Guest LA

Still "In Love" with my cheating wife.

We've been married for 11 yrs and together for 14. We have 2 kids together they are 9 and 5. I never thought anything was wrong until 2 yrs ago she left her lap top out and instead of going on our home computer I said its here just use it. So when I went onto the computer I noticed icons on her desktop that had said mommas movies. I opened it up. Low and behold it was my wife with another man. When I confronted her the only response I got was "Thank God now I don't have to hide it". I found out this man was from canada and she had been paying him to fly into town. She would say she was going out of town for business, which wasn't unusual because her job makes her travel a handful of times a year, but instead she payed for the whole meeting. She has never felt any remorse. We are still married but she lives in the basement while I live in the master bedroom. She has gone on a web site for adults only and ow meets men locally. I am still in love with her and can't leave. What do I do?
—Guest Internet at home was her first step

Why didn't i think about this sooner.

i was once in a long-term relationship with a girl who i would do anything for as my heart was soooo buried into her... we lived a few hours away from each other but it felt like another world away.. the first time i saw her was nearly like 5 years after she moved away, but something started changing for me then when she mentioned another guy and how they were sleeping with one another.. i put it down dumb ignorance and told her it was ok as we were so far away that i wouldn't want to hold her back from being happy... i think she was trying to hint at me that she wanted something a little closer to home... later on after that she told me she was moving from Orbost to Melbourne and i was ecstatic to know this as i had big plans for us to move in together and settle down.. little did i know this was the downfall of what was yet to come... i didn't realise that for the last 8 years i was nothing more than a good friend with benefits.... not a divorce story but a cheating one none the less
—Guest Guestorbost

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