1. People & Relationships

Readers Respond: How Did You Learn That Your Spouse Was Cheating?

Responses: 206

By

Husband Used Escorts and Massage Parlors

My husband of six years began visiting massage parlors and then seeing escorts before and during our marriage. I would have never found out, but he was communicating with some of the escorts on a shared email account we have (but I don't use much). He tried to make it sound like it was a one time thing, but I did my research (checked bank accts and his email) and discovered it was going on for years. He didn't come clean with the entire story for three months and only because I kept finding more and more details of his infidelity. His behavior got so bad he almost lost his job. I also have a chronic illness and a four year old. I don't think I can forgive him, ever.
—Guest Broken

Cheating Best Friends

I am close friends with a married couple and the husband is cheating on his wife with my best friend. What should i do? Note from Cathy Meyer...I was in the situation once. I told my friend her husband was cheating. I ended up losing a good friend and she stayed with the cheating husband. Since then it has been my opinion that if you are not a party to the problem, you should stay out of the problem.
—Guest HuluHoney

How I Found out my Husband was Cheating

We weren't making love. He was seeing someone on his job. I did a lot of investigation work myself. He started arguments, we stopped going places, and he wanted to be alone. I would have never known. He stopped having sex or touching his wife. He would go to work 4 hours early but get off regular times, he never went out on evenings or weekends. He made me feel like something was wrong with me until I saw a work number during the hours he was working. I asked myself why someone would call him on his cell from the same work place during work. Things didn't add up and I’m a jersey girl, we check stuff out. I called the number and to my surprise it was a woman with her own private desk calling my husband’s private cell phone.
—Guest fired up

Staying With my Cheating Husband

It all started with a torn-up cell phone bill. I asked him why was the number on the phone bill so many times. He responded with "she is just a friend." I can not believe he tried that old excuse...but he did. I wish that I could say I left when I found out but it is three years later and we have been married for twelve years. I am so tired of living this lie. We have three children and a high profile life style and I really want to be happy but I don't have the means to leave and live on my own right now. He is so mean and bold with his infidelity because he knows that I have no way of leaving this horrible situation. I wish there was a group or some kind of program for women with children in this kind of situation. If anyone knows of some type of program, PLEASE let me know.
—Guest TIRED

I really need advise

I have been with my boyfriend for two years, we are planning to get married. I have found a FaceBook account he opened privately and had past girls that he was with as friends. Will he really cheat on me if he actually has the chance??? He has a job at the Honda Plant here and I'm sooo scared that he is going to meet someone and I will never know. I know that I love him so much that I don't think about another man. I think that he doesn't love me. Why would he do things like this if he really loved me. You don't hurt people you love. And to make things worse he denied all these things for weeks until I finally left him and then he finally admitted it....what should I do? Should I marry this man or is he just waiting for something better to come along? A note from the Divorce Support Guide...no one and can you what to do, you have to make that choice for yourself. I can tell you though that what you see is what you get and he will do the same thing after you marry that he is doing now. Good luck!
—sadbamagirl

I'm Finally Leaving my Cheating Husband

I've been having those really bad gut feelings lately, and this would not be the first or second time he has been unfaithful to me. I am not trying to boast but I'm not an ugly person , physically or towards anyone. I have dedicated my life and everything to this man only to be played and mistreated in return. I feel as if I do everything a good wife is supposed to do for her husband plus more. In the past I have found a few of his accounts suggesting inappropriate behavior and one night out of the blue, several months later he admitted to kissing a girl in a nightclub , and receiving oral sex from another girl he met on a phone chat service . Even after all of his shenanigans I tried to just put it all behind me and act as though none of it ever happened ,boy was that a mistake but i wont make the same mistake again !!!!
—Guest brokenheartedgirl

Caught Him Cheating on FaceBook

I learned he was cheating when I checked his e-mail address and his FaceBook profile. He is single and he has been in a relationship with me for six years. I also found a plane ticket that was purchased for her to come see him. They are suppose to have a beautiful weekend. I cant wait to interrupt there beautiful weekend. He tells everybody he loves them and to think when we broke up this last time for about a week he came begging for me to come back.
—Guest ericka

My Husband Cheated With a Prostitute

My husband cheated on my twice. First time, I forgave him. Now, he brought a hooker to the place that we live while I was taking care of our sick baby in my mom's house. The hooker refused to have sex with him because she saw our baby bed and our wedding picture. She FELT bad. That still did not wake him up, he asked the hooker's phone number and she refused to give it to him AGAIN. I found out after digging and digging it out of him. He finally told me the truth. Truth hurts, but I no long living in a dream. He is begging me back, has been staying in our place for the past three days and begging. He threw a wine glasses on his forehead and I had to take him to ER. I thought this only happens on TV. I guess it happens in real people too. He does not want our baby and comes from a broken family himself. I don't want to forgive him, but I don't want my baby to live in a broken family as well. WHAT SHOULD I DO?
—Guest liz

He Cheated During My Pregnancy

My brother in law informed me that while we were on a family vacation, my husband had been on the phone constantly with another woman. I would be in bed and they would be outside drinking. After asking his brother about the phone calls, he said, don't you remember meeting Barbara two years ago? Well, I am still seeing her. My brother in law felt so bad that he felt compelled to tell me. I had just delivered our 8th child, a still born with the cord wrapped around his neck. The whole time I was pregnant and through the loss of our child he was cheating! I confronted my husband and of course, lie after lie. I looked up our phone bill and her number was plastered all over the bill. I went back as far as a I could with the phone history and sure enough there was her number. Texting her and talking to her while I was in a hospital bed for a week delivering a dead baby. He tells me she is just a good friend and someone he likes to smoke pot with but no sex! I am filing for divorce.
—Guest Jane

Husband Cheated While I Was Pregnant

I've been married for 12 years. I found out my husband cheated on me with his co-worker. It didn't last long and doesn't sound like it was a great relationship, but it still happened. He had sex with this her three times. I was nine months pregnant with our 4th child and had just delivered our son when this was going on. I don't know what to do. He says he is sorry, but come on! I just can't believe I was so blind and how can he be so cruel.
—Guest Rose

She say I feel jealous

I feel my wife's character not good. She looks at guys and wants to show them her body. She likes to talk with guys. If I get angry then she calls me am a jealous guy. She's had 30 or 40 affairs in the past. Am feel I need to leave her but I can't leave because I love her so much... Don't know what to do. Please give me suggestion. Note from the Divorce Support Guide. If she has cheated that many times it is time for you to take your self-respect and leave. She does not love you and will not change regardless of how long you stay.
—Guest Baavla

Husband Cheated While I was Pregnant

I knew something was wrong but I couldn't put a finger on it. My husband was stationed in Tennessee (Army) at the time and I was in California. About 2 weeks after I lost our unborn baby, I decided to go on myspace and do a search. I found a profile for him (he lied and told me he didn't have an account). There were 3 "friends" on it, and two of them were his army buddies. I opened the third one (a girl) and there was a picture of her hanging on my husband (he was grabbing her butt) and no wedding ring on his finger. I emailed her and asked her about it and also called him. Well, he blew up at me and told me I was paranoid and it was an old pic yada, yada. She answered me and told me that he had told her we were married for convenience, that he loved her and that I was pregnant with my boyfriend's baby. Needless to say, he fessed up once she called him. Really hard losing your baby and finding out your husband was screwing around the entire time. Well...time to move on!
—Guest Andanyel

My Husband is a Serial Cheater

Twelve years married,16yrs together and 2 beautiful girls. I really thought I had the fairy tale life. Until 2 yrs ago on a family vacation when I foundnd him talking to a girl. He denies and says only a friend. We moved on. Weeks later I check his email and read a trail of love emails. Details of places to meet, her house,car all this while her husband away in the military or something to that effect. Details of their love making etc. They had a 6 month relationship. He moved out then realizes he wants his family back, moves back in and then I find more emails of them still communicating. I asked for the truth and he opens up his email with files of prior years of other affairs. Girls that he attended college with or co-workers. More emails and more pictures more affairs. Now we are going through the divorce.
—Guest Lylys

The Other Woman's Husband Contacted Me

My husband constantly told me lies about what friends (girls) he was or wasn't talking to from back home and just little lies about other things, then he stayed out till 5am (with a guy friend, so he says) while I was pregnant. Then he claimed to help a co worker with a test all night through text messaging. These are just a couple of examples he had been doing for a couple of years then I get a phone call from a woman's husband wanting to tell me that our spouses were cheating. Apparently someone caught them red handed by the woods on a trail having sex. The husband never got a hold of me but when I asked my husband if he knew this guy, he told me not to talk to him. That night is when my husband told me. I did receive a letter in the mail from the passer by that seemed to know my husband.
—Guest Liz

Husband Meets Women on Craigslist

I was laying in bed one morning and my husband had been up all night playing his stupid X-Box when I heard him come check on me in the bedroom and he didn't realize that I had not been asleep. Well, he closed the door separating our living room and bedroom, and got online (I was aware because he hadn't turned the volume down on the computer and heard it turn on). So I waited. And waited. Finally I got out of be, walked to the door, opened it and boom. Sitting in his chair with " " out and looking at Craigslist. He tried to lie to me and say he was just looking at porn. I said oh no, you don't look at Craigslist for porn, you look for a screw buddy. I let it go for a while, and I checked his email one day (he gave me his password a while back) and I found in his "spam" (the internet is resourceful when a person REALLY wants to cheat) and boom. He replied to some girl and he still denies it, till this day. We have been married for almost 2 years. Soon to be divorced...if it doesn't quit.
—Guest Victoria
  1. About.com
  2. People & Relationships
  3. Divorce Support
  4. Extra-Marital Affairs
  5. Cheating Spouse - How Did You Learn That Your Spouse Was Cheating?

©2014 About.com. All rights reserved.