It's Gone
- After 43 years of a wonderful marriage and always a loving one, my husband turned into Dr. Jekyll/Mr hyde. I could not believe someone so caring and sweet could change so drastically. He filed for divorce and really did a number on me financially. He acted as though he was helping our son and had me sign over my business and assets. He was so kind and honest I never saw it coming. If you see your spouse changing face it and they will do you in and not feel guilty about it. It has just happened to a neighbor also. If you spent 43 wonderful years together and all of a sudden you hate your spouse something is very wrong. He is now hopping from girl friend to girl friend.
- —Guest candy
It's Gone
- After 43 years of a wonderful marriage and always a loving one, my husband turned into Dr. Jekyll/Mr hyde. I could not believe someone so caring and sweet could change so drastically. He filed for divorce and really did a number on me financially. He acted as though he was helping our son and had me sign over my business and assets. He was so kind and honest I never saw it coming. If you see your spouse changing face it and they will do you in and not feel guilty about it. It has just happened to a neighbor also. If you spent 43 wonderful years together and all of a sudden you hate your spouse something is very wrong. He is now hopping from girl friend to girl friend.
- —Guest candy
Thank God I Am NOT Alone
- I have read (and over analyzed) my situation for three months now and I can say that this article and the responses make by far the most sense of anything I have read- so THANKS My wife of 24 years (we are both mid 40’s) nagged the whole family for years to immigrate to Australia from the UK. It later came out she wanted to ‘repair’ our relationship which I thought was fine. She is a stay at home Mum with 3 kids (2 in Aus one in UK). She started making noises about the emigration away from her family and friends wasn’t what she wanted but instead of talking with the family about it she had an emotional affair with my best mate. When I found out she eventually claimed it to be REAL LOVE and she wasn’t in love with me. Since then I am going through weekly cycles of trying to ‘give her space’ but in the end I always snap and ask her to come to her senses (I know not helpful). I won’t say it is easy but at least she has stopped contact with him but she is denying me ALL physical and emotional closeness.
- —Guest Sam
Facebook Affair
- I'm a mum with two teenage daughters. We had been married for almost 20 years. A friend of a friend started messaging him on Facebook, met with him at Christmas and they started an affair soon after. He became aggressive, erratic and his mobile phone which he messaged her on Facebook became an extension of his body as he wouldn’t be parted from it. He'd known her for six weeks when I ousted him. He left a few weeks later after insisting it was real love. I was horrified especially for my kids. The woman he ran away to was determined and desperate to have him and break up our family. This was cruel especially as we've a daughter going to college in the autumn. Anger, disbelief, revulsion and betrayal became emotions and circumstances I never thought he'd bring us. I've had great support, professionally and personally. He's been aggressive, manipulative and alienating. Keep to your principles and values. Be strong for your kids. Be assertive (get help if you’re not). Pray. Get a good night’s sleep. Sadly, you’re not alone. Good luck.
- —Guest braveheart
Is There Any Hope?
- I've read so many stories about dealing with a spouse in mid life crisis. My spouse is obviously going though one. He gave me the I love you but am not in love with you speech about 8 months ago. He hasn't moved out and says he's trying to work out his feelings. Is there any hope? I read about how to cope, how to handle and how to survive the crisis. But are there people out there that have survived??
- —Guest Jk
Mid life crisis
- Where to start!! I've been married for 16 yrs. We are both 39 yrs old. I thought happily. Like any other marriage we have ups and downs but nothing major. About 3 1/2 yrs ago my husband had an emotional affair. I had suspicions and confronted him. He cried and swore to me it was nothing. He met her a a job related event once and it was only phone conversations. He never saw her again. He never had physical contact with her. He begged me to forgive him that he would prove himself to me. I chose to work through it. We have an 11 yr old daughter and she deserved that much. It was a tough year or so where I was constant worried what if he does it again. I never turned him away or rejected him. Even on days I felt like leaving him for breaking my heart. I cried a lot the first 6 months. I just worked out my inner demons and i got through it without therapy. This past 2 years were, I thought, great. We had a great summer. We went out on the boat almost every weekend. We went
- —Guest Julie
To: Should I Move With Unhappy Husband?
- You need to stay put. You also need to be proactive. He is likely to clean out your bank accounts when he gets the nerve to leave you. You are in denial. He is having an affair. It may be an affair of the mind, or worse the heart, but he is having an affair. He has already left you. The only reason he is inviting you to leave with him is because he fears the unknown and if you go, you will make his transition an easier one and he knows that because that's the roll you have always played, right? I feel really bad for you, because you are in a marriage all by yourself and you can't see that yet. You really have to pull yourself together and leave this clown before he leaves you. Better still, tell him that you support his move, help him pack, promise to join him in the near future, and keep you fingers on the purse strings until he either comes home (which I would pray didn't happen) or he settles in and finds that he doesn't need you with him after-all.
- —brenda0709
Five Weeks of Midlife Crisis Hel!
- Thanks for everyone posting their own personal stories, it provides some validation as to what I am also going through. After reading the various posts there is one think that keeps popping up...leave them alone. This has got to be the hardest thing to do when they can switch off like a light switch. All we can do is take care of ourselves and more importantly our children. If you are religious find your faith in God and pray for he is the only one who can fix this. We men, who are fixers, are completely powerless and if try, only make it worse. I, like all had a perfect life with a wife of 10 years who just turned 40. Now she realizes she needs to go back to school and get a doctorate and stuff and has completely shut off from me. I will protect my two girls who are 4 and 6 and begin building the walls which once surrounded my heart to never let another one close again!!!! I love you Katy, trust in God's plan vs. trying to recreate your youth and correcting your failures....me
- —Guest Chris N.
They Get What They Deserve
- My husband is going through midlife crisis and did leave me for another woman after retirement as well as other women, he broke my heart and his kids but I stood ground and got everything I wanted...house...half pension...support and he got his money and his new truck. I hate to say it but he was set for life but now his money is all gone and owes huge in his new debts he never had any debts when we were together, now he is showing signs of wanting to reconcile. Not in my life time!!! All his selfishness put him there and I will not ever take him back to clear up his debt so he can leave me again for another woman and then leave me with nothing after draining what I have. All I have to say is you got what you deserved after putting your family through that turmoil, sad to say but true. :(
- —Guest Broken
Wife and Mom Abandons Family
- My wife's midlife crisis came after 23 years of marriage when she found a old boyfriend on facebook and wanted to save money while living with me to move out to California from Michigan. While she was talking to him on the phone 8 hours a day. After 2 months of this my kids 13,16 and 19 asked her to leave. At this point we have not spoken nor do I care to speak to her again. I hope she lives a sad lonely life sick or not ,she hurt my kids. The new boyfriend lives in a ghetto, makes no money and sells drugs to get by. I say she is where she belongs and I hope she stays there forever. As for me and my kids we are hurt but will get by we are a stronger family without her.
- —Guest kevin
Keep Contact to a Minimum
- I keep reading my story over and over and over again. My husband of 27 years had an affair, kept me in the wings so when it didn't work out, he came back - didn't change a thing or work on a thing to help our marriage, then 2 years later moved out while I was on vacation. It's like a switch gets flipped and they change over night. I have taken up dancing and hiking and have been reading anything positive I can get my hands on. It still feels like someone took my right arm and cut it off with a dull butter knife. He called on Christmas day to say he has a new girlfriend and that I should take my son and move to an apartment that I can afford on my own. I'm lying low and keeping contact to a bare minimum and hoping he keeps putting money in our joint account for mortgage until our son graduates from high school. I never thought this would happen to me - but I've always known I needed a college degree to fall back on. I just didn't know that wouldn't be enough.
- —Guest strongnable
I Surived an Unwanted Divorce
- My husband of 8 years left me and my 5 year old daughter after stating that he just did not want to try at marriage anymore and that he no longer loved me. The pain was pronounced but it slowly retreats. I surrounded myself with fun family and friends and have treated this healing time as an opportunity to learn new sports and take that cooking class I have always been thinking about. Keeping communication civil but minimal is key. Everyone has to find their own path; some just have a tendency to plow others down in the process. Just pick up the pieces by focusing on doing things that make you happy and that help others. Fate will eventually catch up to your spouse.....
- —Guest Kate
Husband Left for Prostitute
- My husband of 23 years is in Thailand as I write this, with a Thai prostitute he hired to be his "true love" as he puts it, because in his words, I am not his true love and he needed to find her. He has been paying her salary via PayPal out of our joint checking for the past three months. He met her in a hooker bar in Macau, the same day he left me, after posting an ad to do so on a sex and swingers website. He claims he is very spiritual and this is a sign of love. He said hookers are more loving and compassionate than "normal" women. He ranted at me one night 'til the sun came up about how I had no soul...he would look me in the eyes and say" let me see...yeah..I can see you have no soul. We were both in Macau at the time, had been for a year because of his job there. I was in denial...should have left him then but I was not strong enough. Last month he came back to the states and sold everything of value, emptied bank accounts, left our kids and the USA for good. Keep your dignity!
- —Kristiecldc
How I Survived My Wife's Midlife Crisis
- I have been working through my wife's midlife crisis for the past two years which has been extremely difficult. We have been together for 21 years, both close to 40 years old. I wish I knew than what I know now in regards to midlife crisis. My wife was a sitting duck. I have a very successful career of 20 years, my wife worked part time and stayed home with our 3 girls. My wife came to me 2 years ago and said she was suffocating in our marriage, didn't know who she was anymore and had lost herself and needed to find her again. I can truly sympathize with all of us whose spouse has turned into someone completely opposite of who they were. I have tried to work through it with her but to to avail, she wants a divorce and has moved out. Hurts like hell..everyone who knows us can't believe it. We had the all American family. Its all gone now. I know its easy advice to give but almost impossible to act on...but you have to let them go, focus on yourself and your children, live a life of integrity and take care of yourself first.
- —Guest CS
Husband's Midlife Crisis and Affair
- I have a cheating spouse. He is so guilted in his actions that I don't know where 22 year friendship/marriage is going. He can't see past his affair to jump back into our marriage. So frustrating at this point but still working forward. I have been focusing on what caused me to fall in love with him in the first place and then trying to determine if that man still exists. I think he does, he just needs to recognize his behavior and move through it. At this point he is so reluctant because he is feeling 'guilty' about his affair. I am trying to be patient but am on my last shot. Counseling is very important to have someone put the emotions into perspective. The hope here is that we start up a loving relationship again but both people are necessary to enjoy a healthy relationship. If one spouse is still stuck in the 'fantasy' there is a problem. For those who are not stuck in the fantasy, take care of yourselves and your children.
- —Guest leahann
