Readers Respond: How Did You Survive Your Spouse's Midlife Crisis?

For advice and support on a particular problem, check out the Divorce Support Forum.

Message for Wendy

Wendy, believe me, no one knows better than me what you are going through: just read my two comments lower down on this thread; I still can't believe the woman I loved and cherished for fifteen years went to the police and told lies that were deliberately calculated to not only to hurt me, but to get me into as much trouble as possible. That was when I hit rock bottom - I virtually had a nervous breakdown and smashed my keyboard up at work!, but now I'm getting better. I still love my girlfriend and want her back - you just need to hang on and have faith. I think of my little girl, and you're right to think of your children. No one is worth taking your own life over - I had these thoughts myself, but believe me it does get better. Just hang in and keep focusing on your kids - God Bless - Keith

—KeithManchester

My Living Hell!

These comments give me strength. 28 years at this moment mean nothing to my husband whilst he takes on another married woman, left his family and sees no wrong in it. like others here he treated me like over the past months horribly and because i love him i have let him because i tried to get us back where we were, but he is now 51 and life has changed for him, new sporty car, different clothes, taking fat burning pills, and so on why? i tried to take my own life last week i cannot go on without him. looking back i wanted to die, now i have to deal with it. he has to do what he thinks he should, i need to look after the ones i love my children, who he has abandoned and expects them to meet his new love and they will like her, heartless, disrespectful behaviour. 100% family man 8 months ago now, who knows, i hurt so badly but i am going to be stronger than ever and fight this. I love him and i cannot see it going away but i wont be walked over again.

—Guest wendy

Surviving wife's midlife creses

My wife and I were married for almost 22 years. The last few years we did have some financial problems, filed chapter 7 bankruptcy in 2009 and were beginning to climb out of it. I had just finished my MBA in March of this year and was planning to start a small consulting company when on Easter Sunday after a family day, she tells me she is no longer in love with me and wants out. She tells me she is done with me. I did my own investigation and she had an emotional affair at a minimum with at least one other man. Now has a boyfriend and isn't getting along with our 16 year old son. She has thrown away our life together, I am now beginning to see how much she has held me back. Good by stranger!

—Guest Jeff K

I Know I'm Not Alone

My husband and I have been together for 28 years. We met each other when I was 17. We dated for 7 years, married 21 years. Last year, he left me and the children twice saying that he doesn't love me as a wife anymore and he doesn't want me as a partner anymore . However, he still wants to have sex with me and wants to be friends. He returned last December because I started to move on to see another man and we were planning on dating. I threw away the man's number to prove to my husband that I still loved him. Now, my husband wants to leave me again for the third time. I am devastated and angry because it seems like came back to hurt me again. I am 45 years old and I don't think that I can stand the pain of losing him for the third time. I know that my husband is going through mid life crisis. I am going through myself.

—Guest Brandie

Why?

Since I posted my orignal thread I've read a few other posts, and it seems the same symptoms prevail: Just to update you all - my girlfriend came back home to me and our daughter after five weeks, and twenty hours later walked on us again for the same man. We had a fight and I'm ashamed to say that this time I just couldn't take it - I was devestated when she left and overjoyed when she came home; I didn't care what she'd done the woman I love and the mother of my child was back with us. Then she leaves again after 1 day, the emontional crash, and the stress was just too much. I'm ashamed to say that I slapped her face and through her out of the house by her hair. Four days later she went to the police and told them I'd actually beaten her up including kicking her in between the legs, and punching her in the stomach - none of which was true. I've never hit a woman in my life, or ever be in trouble with the police. But now I have a criminal record, and on paper I'm a wife beating thug!

—KeithManchester

My Fairy Tale Is Ending

After 31 years of marriage and 1.5 years of dating. My prince charming changed overnight and is spinning out of control. He told me he loves me and cares about me but he's not in love with me and doesn't know why he is feeling like that but can't shake it. He says it's not me or anything I've done and he's not having an affair but he's happier when he is working out of town or at his hunting camp! He said he dreads coming home and doesn't know why. We have two grown children and 4 beautiful grandchildren and we are very close family. He was my world since I've den 14 and I don't know how to live without him! We have been through so much together and we adored each other but the past year he has been withdrawing slowly and staying away more and more. We used to be best friends and inseparable, we fished,traveled,and did everything together. I feel lost and devastated! He said he needs time to think but I want to save my marriage! I want my old life & husband BACK! I don't know what to do.

—Guest Ann

How Long Will The Hurt Last?

It been 3 months since my husband told me he doesn't love me and wants a divorce. My heart has been ripped out. He moved me away from family, from Florida to Maryland 2 yr ago to help care for his sick father. His father passed away 6 months ago. We were living in has family home. I was asked to move out. I have no family here. Do I move back to Florida and give up on the marriage or stick it out? I’ll let you know how it works out.

—Guest LOST

Mid life resolve

Wow. I'm 45. My husband cheated on me 4 times. 2 of which were bout a year ago. The stress plunged me into the change. After a year of trying to work things out I find I don't care. I'm filing for divorce. I can't go thru this again I have to get thru my own crisis. Can you believe he says I'm sinning against him. Blah

—Guest Shebell

On The Midlife Crisis Ride!

My wife has been going through mid-life crisis for a little over a year. She had to have a sports car and affair, obsessed with her looks, left me. You name it she has done it and including trying to drag me in. But we seem better, now she is back home the affair has stopped. But at times she is still weird to me, a person with fewer morals.

—Guest Maverick

Husband's Midlife Crisis

My husband of 22 years wants a divorce out of the blue. He’s angry all the time, picks fights with me for the stupidest things to validate his feelings. He’s very mean to me. He gives me no affection. Has been talking to a woman from high school. They text and talk on the phone every day. Sometimes very inappropriately. This has been going on for six months and its killing me, but I love him. We had a great marriage before and don’t want to give up hope he will come back.

—Guest TAMARA

Holy Crap!

Saw this article and had to comment - this is my husband of 25 years (27 if you count dating.) Kid left for college and he went nuts. He'll be 50 in less than 18 months and the meeting with the divorce attorney is this week. Glad to know I'm not imagining things. Thanks for this article!

—Guest Marie

Just Devastated!

I have been with my husband for twenty two years and married for seventeen years. We have four great kids, whom we cherished. Our life was turned upside down since 2011. I noticed my husband started to distance himself from me, he just seem to withdraw from us all, even the kids. He became very angry and hostile with me, when I tried to question him about his behavior he would get real nasty. I saw a big change in him, he started working longer hours, he stopped checking in with the kids and eventually he stopped coming home on the weekends. When I approached him about it he yelled out" I do not care anymore, things have changed”. When I asked him why he said it was because of me, when I asked him to explain what he was talking about he said he needed to get, away he needed a break from all of this. He then told me he wants us a separation. I found out it was another women and he told me he is much happier now and feels good about himself. I was just devastated but I let him do his thing. I am leaving. I give up.

—Guest Coco

A History of Affairs

My girlfriend of seventeen years suddenly got up and walked out of our relationship. She showed only a few signs that something was wrong but never said anything. She left two children behind and told all her family and friends that I had been abusive towards her. Of course this was nonsense. My life fell apart on the spot the pain was intense and every time I tried to talk to her she was really cruel. It took weeks to get her to talk to the children properly and it seemed to me that she had lost her mind. Being quite computer literate I put a ruck of spyware on an old pc I had and gave it to her. Within a few weeks I got my answer, she was having an affair and had already had another affair some years earlier with a 16 year old boy. She was a social worker and 36 years old. She was also sending pictures of her privates to men using her mobile phone. I suppose looking back now you need to just look after yourself and let them go. Silence is Golden during the first three months of a split.

—Guest Martin

Is It Just Me?

I think I may be experiencing some odd thoughts that have never crept in before. I’m going on 39 yrs old, and I have never been one to be paranoid. Sometime in the last 2 months or so, I have been feeling like people are following me around, taking remarks from complete strangers to heart, dwelling on them. I cannot believe I have these thoughts. Most days life seems just grand, my wife is lovely, things are super steady. Then out of the blue, I start getting creeped out from things that 6 months ago would have never crossed my mind. Like I found myself a few nights ago standing on the other side of my street convinced that the same cars were repeatedly driving by my home. Now I can honestly say that was a crazy thing to do. I talk to my wife about these little episodes and she thinks I’m over-stressed, tired, and occasionally bonkers! It hasn't so much caused strife in my marriage, but I am horribly embarrassed about these little "sanity - breaks" I’d like to hear an opinion on this. Note from the Divorce Support Guide, I suggest you speak with your doctor. You could very well be dealing with overwhelming stress which is causing you to experience periods of anxiety. You need to seek treatment.

—Guest in it

Thank God It Is Not Just Me!

I thought I had gone insane and was living in a nightmare until I found this site. My girlfriend / partner of fifteen years suddenly walked out on me two months ago. We had a happy loving relationship, a beautiful daughter, a nice home and she had a dream job and career. She has gone from being a loving, caring, kind, sensitive woman to a brutal, cruel, nasty selfish piece of work. She has left us for another man who is a complete bum with 3 divorces to his name who lives in a housing project. He has no job and his last wife has a restraining order on him. My girlfriend was a nurse and has lost her job over this idiot because he was one of her patients. She is cold and callous towards me and has been utterly selfish and is thoughtless towards our little girl in whom she appears to have lost interest. All this is out of character and literally happened over night. She went to the gym, lost weight, bought a sporty convertible and is now a different person - I don't know her at all.

—KeithManchester