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Readers Respond: Are You and Your Spouse Legally Separated?

Responses: 21

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Are you and your spouse legally separated? If so, why did you make the decision to legally separate instead of divorce. Was it motivated by state law that required a legal separation period before divorce? Was the decision motivated by the hope that time apart would help save your marriage? What have you learned about yourself and your marriage since legally separating from your spouse? Why legally separation?

Hateful Spouse

My spouse was apparently playing games with me. I attempted to settle our relationship before we got married because I detected that he was an unable decision maker. We continued our relationship. Every where we go he tries to slander my name and he keeps trying to refile tax information and involve me when he does not know what he is doing and besides he is claiming that when he goes out of town this week he is filing for separation. He physically dismantled one of my laptops and disabled the other and he has all of my personal information on cds which he locks away. What can I do to protect myself?
—Guest Need a plan

Wife filed for legal seperation.

So my wife filed for legal seperation and I was told that she was asked if she is going to Divorce me or not. And she said the the person she has 6 months to decide. What does this mean does she not want this marriage to end. Does she want me to change. Or what. I haven't been happy with myself for years. And because of that I haven't treated her the way she should have been she was always there for me and I wasn't for her. I am now seeing the damage I have done and I am taking the steps to right everything. I am taking consoling and anger management. She told me she can't forgive me for the pass and I need to move on. I will not. I am still madly in love with her. I know she loves me. She is just very hurt. I don't want to just give up. I have a 4 year old son and it is killing me to know I am ripping his family apart because of my ways in the pass. But I want and will do anything to fix this marriage. What should I do??? Should I just leave her alone. Please help me!
—Guest J

My Husband Thought Wrong

My husband thought that his first wife had sent the divorce papers a long, long time ago. She disappeared and he kept going on about his life, then years later we met fell in love and got married then she appeared telling him that she needed some papers and that she never sent the divorce papers and disappeared again. He spoke to his lawyer and filed for divorce and the lawyer said that he didn't need her to file for divorce and apparently they did it and we don't have to remarry. Any thoughts about this,we are kind of worried. I was pregnant and I was under his insurance. Please any advice
—Guest Worried

Married toLegally Separated Man

My husband separated with his ex wife seven years ago. They were officially issued with a legal separation document. The divorce has never been done. I am five years old in this married. My husband and I have invested into joint businesses. The former wife also got married to another Man, they stayed for six years and by bad luck he passed away last year. Is the former wife entitled to his properties since she left before the businesses started and Is she still legally married to my husband? Note from the Divorce Support Guide: You need an attorney ASAP. If he was never legally DIVORCED then in most states anything he has is considered marital property with her because she is his wife. Since he was never legally DIVORCED you are not his wife.
—Guest Grace N.

any idea for go to us without her help

i'm non-american citizen,before 6 yrs ago i met american citizen she visited me 3 times in my country out usa her last visited been last 2 yrs ago we married in my country out usa she lived just 55 days and left back at home in usa next that she surprised me she lied just for get my love and marry her she told me that she has 5 girls and that changed all us plans because first time we plans for live in my country cause i have good job and life out usa also she lied said is nurse but she not,principal i tried with her and she asked for join her next that she confused me she lied and she can't pregenants her tubes closed that confused me cause that was my first marriage so i request divorce but she refuse it cause my country laws require like procuration or her home adress but her moved away her old home adress and she refuse send me her new home adress and my contry laws prevent me get marry without divorce with first wife i called her she said that she ignors the divorce an never helps
—Guest ali

I want to be his wife

me and my boyfriend has been been together off and on for 6years and now he wants to marry me. The only thing is that he is legally seperated from his wife and i don't know how long it will take for them to get a divorce so we can get married. Does anyone know how long it's going to take or is there anyway we can go on an get married b4 he gets deployed? I need answers now..Thank you, Mary C. White
—Guest Mary C. White

what to do next...

i was married in 1990 to a woman in which we both knew and agreed that we BOTH never ever would marry again if something bad happened. In 1993 we were having issues and i caught her at my best friends house. After a confrontation, she came home, removed a the few things of hers, and left. To this day, I dont know where she is, there has been NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER..I have no clue where she is or how to get in contact with her...or if shes even living for that matter. No seperation or divorce ANYTHING, was ever discussed, and 18 years later....I've found someone that I'd love to spend the rest of my life with...AND MARRY. About time I seek a lawyer,right? Please help.
—Guest ronnie

Don't Know Divorce Laws

First, I don't speak and write English very well. I lived in USA for three years. I am married and have two kids. My problems started from the first day that I came here with my husband. I felt that he took my rights and cheated me because I don’t know how to speak and write English and understand. I feel like I am blind. My husband abused me mentally. I need to know the law here because I want to know how I can protect myself. I feel that my husband did something against me. I need someone to explain the law here, please.
—Guest wife

Young love

My husband and I got married young 18 yrs ago. We have two kids 17 &14 . We still love each other after all this years.but the years that we lost being serious responsible parents and spouses took it's toll . We tried to make it work but things that happened pushed us apart. A affair, having to sale our house to move in with inlaws.working alot.having bipolar that really took a toll on the marriage . We still love each other but not.ready to say goodbye to our marriage now. So we are legally separated. He say's until the kids are out of houses. Giving us time to heal and breathe a bit. We see each other and talk everyday. Just not living together.
—Guest Ana

confused and worried

I am 6 years and half married, and 5 years separated, we have 1 son 6 years old, my son is in my custody with no financial support from his father since we separated. I work to support my child, and I found out the father of my child has a new girl already they met 4 months after we separate, and last June 2010 I met somebody that I felt so much in love with him, but this guy lied to me that he is married for 7 years and has 3 children, and now am very confused and worried for my situation,I really like and inlove with this guy...what am gonna do?I Leaved with my husband because he physically,and mentally abused me...most of everyday we got fight...Can you explain and help me pls...I am looking forward for the response to my Problem...I cant breath well sometimes for what ive feel since I found out the fact about to the guy which i so much inlove...thank you.. Losel
—Guest Losence

Husband and Wife Both Cheat

I don't understand my husband. He has two children by the same person and they remain "good friends" to this day. I told him to go over and be with them, but he says he wants to stay with me. BUT, he is so verbally abusive. To begin with I blamed it on his family because that is how most of them act. Now, I blame him. I have tried several times to get him out. Once before the 1st child was born. I did not know about either of the pregnancies. Later I was told of each child and he denied it, but not anymore. I am a Christian and I tried to forgive him, but it’s hard to do when you’re never asked for forgiveness. I prayed that we would be together; I should've been more specific. We’ve been together for 14 years, married eight. I hurt every day. I don't want to go home. I've asked him to leave. I had the house 3 years before he moved in, he actually refuses to leave. He does whatever he wants until I say divorce. I'm wrong, but I've having an affair with my ex husband for the past 5yrs. I almost hate my husband. I feel if he gets out of my life, it would be best.
—Cinie

Am I Legally Separated?

My wife and i signed separation papers but they were never filed in our court system in North Carolina. It's been 6 yrs and I would like to know if we are legally separated? A note from the Divorce Support Guide...No, you are not legally separated. You need to see an attorney.
—Guest twhitman

Military Legal Separation

My husband is asst. chaplain at Ft. Hamilton in Brooklyn, NY. It became such a mental and emotional strain living with him that I became physically ill. We got married May 28, 2010 and only lived together a month. He is narcissistic, obsessive compulsive and maybe homo sexual. I couldn't take anymore, I told him I wanted to go home to Missouri. My daughter and I had no one there, and I am on disability for panic, bipolar disorder and severe depression. He said he would give me the money for a U-Haul, but before I could leave the base gates, I had to sign a Legal Separation Agreement forfeiting all of the b.a.h. we would receive for my daughter and I . I could not leave the base until I did this. His Sgt. Major also saw to it that I wasn't given any money until it was signed. This has been a nightmare. Thousands of dollars of my furniture has been scratched, lost or ruined and this man is living in a $2400 a month apartment by claiming my daughter and I as dependents. Please help!
—Guest Melissa Denney

Father Has no Contact with Children

Sure, a long divorce can be very hard on any family, but my husband's first wife put herself before the needs of her children and ultimately that is what caused all of the problems. My husband just wanted to see his children and have a good relationship with them after his divorce. But his first wife set up a separation agreement that allowed little to no contact with his kids. She was very subtle though. She didn't say no you can't see your kids, instead, she moved the kids 12 hours away from him, allowed only daytime visits from him with the children, and started talking very poorly of him to the children. The ex-wife has psychological problems, and loves medical attention. She now has convinced her daughter that she has all sorts of ailments, for which they run batteries of test that all come out normal. Unfortunately the daughter enjoys this attention, so she goes along with everything and complains of headaches, seizures, dizziness... you name it. Very sad for both of them.
—Guest aka sully

Legally Separated but still in Love

We love each other but can't live together. Not right now anyway. It has been two years and we get along better now than in a long time. We are becoming each others friend again like we once were. We have not divorced because we were not ready to say I don't want you in my life and also for practical reasons such as keeping insurance benefits etc active. However there have been mistakes along the way too. He is not smart with money and I have made the mistake of loaning him money which has put me in financial trouble as I am now out of a job and looking for work in this bad economy. We love each other but we have unresolved conflict between us. You reach a point where you must decide if you can let the past be the past and move on together or not. I believe I need to just heal myself and find my own path as that is the only way I can live my life happily no matter what happens. I pray for the ability to heal with or without him. When I know that I am with myself and at peace either way then I know that I can decide whether I want to divorce or not. If he wants to divorce in the meantime then so be it and I will deal with that too. I know that it is always an inside job.
—Guest havetoloveme

Why legally separation?

Are You and Your Spouse Legally Separated?

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