1. People & Relationships

Readers Respond: How Did You Know It Was Time To Divorce?

Responses: 311

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I need a Change

He has been emotionally abusing me and controlling me for years. One two occasions he came home drunk and physically abused me. Rather than feeling bad about it, he laughs about it as if it were a joke. He has been "dating" other women as friends for years but promising me that he was not sleeping with them. I never realized how bad our marriage was until he told me that if I don't improve my skills as a wife he was going to start seeing an escort. (pay for sex). I know I need to leave, but it's complicated. I have a co-worker who has been showing some interest in me and I have started to develop feelings for him because HE treats me like GOLD. I feel guilty because I can't help but feel I am leaving my marriage for the wrong reasons.
—Guest Snowflake

Fed Up With Cursing and Name Calling

After just two weeks of being married my husband hit me in the face, accusing me of the maintenance man to our heat. After being released from jail he ran back & fourth to another drunk woman who he claims was his friend during the 4 years we were together. I thought that marriage would change his childish drunk hanging out with his friend ways but that was just the beginning of their nosy priding in our lives, cause they were unhappy themselves, some family too. Now after he would be gone all day most the night claiming how broke he was often + come home smelling like he worked in a brewery, he,d call me a bucket full of bit*h#s & a basket full of Muther $u$Kers awaking the kids & neighbors with his loud music! At 1st he would just embarrass me @ home then went public one day @ a neighborhood store calling me those fine names after he had left the home, I put in 4 divorce, prayed & didn't stop till my divorce was FINAL!
—Guest A Peaceful Diva againl

I Was Young and Cheated On My Husband

I married at 22 to a 38 yo man - he was very nice, good to me but I think I just wanted a steady place to live, as I had been 13 yrs living between my divorced parents' houses and watching my dad play Henry VIII with various girlfriends that I got attached to but then lost when they broke up. I had a very bad example of marriage and wanted to do better myself. Poor ex-husband got stuck with me, though... by 2nd anniversary I was dreaming about leaving and crying every day, so depressed. Not his fault, but he just didn't know how to deal with me. We had a temporary better time, he bought a house, we got a dog, we both worked full time and spend all our free time with our usual social circle or with his family, but we didn't really understand one another. Maybe I should have been more accepting of that but I couldn't. Finally when I became suicidal and the thought of intimacy with him made me nauseous, I knew I had to go. In the end I met someone else and left the marriage for him.
—Guest too young

Reasons for divorce

Spouse not taking care of herself, not brushing her teeth, hair, overall hygiene. Spouse would not dress up or care to look nice for a night out on the town. Spouse would rather stay home then go get a job to help with finances. Always ended up fighting over the littlest things. Spouse would say she cleaned the house but there was still dust everywhere and everything was just thrown into cabinets. Spouse is way too religious for me and I'm always doing things the "wrong" way. Spouse would not let me go "hang" with my friends alone...she always had to come along and ruin it. Every time we would go to Vegas, she would get mad at the other girls wearing nice dresses and me for having a pair of eyes if you know what I mean. She took everything way too seriously and thought I was always being mean to her and I wasn't.
—Guest Phil

He Is An Abusive Crazy Drunk

I'm thirteen. I want my parents to divorce so badly. Everything's better when my dad is off drinking with his friends. That's what he does every weekend. Leaving my mother at home to watch me and my ten year old brother. He calls mo mom awful names in front of me . I call her "my mom" to him. They never talk-just argue. My dad is a drunk and verbally abusive and I can't stand him. My mom said she can't divorce him~she doesn't have the money to buy a home for me and my brother to live. I just cant wait until my dad is out. He has hit my mom. He hits me in the face all the time, just because he wants too. He's humiliating with his disrespect towards our family. I hate him. I think my mom needs out of the relationship, she needs money. Note from the Divorce Support Guide, Hi Sweety, if you ever feel like communicating about your situation with someone please write to me. My email address is divorcesupport@aboutguide.com. I'm here to help!
—Guest I think my parents need a divorce ASAP

I'm a "worthless" wife.

He puts me down, calls me stupid, dumb b*tch, whore, pea brain, b*tch again, he says he doesn't need me, he is thinking in talking to other girls, he drinks like a fish, in his mind he believes he is a saint, he has told me that, he says I am a demon and I need to be exorcisided, I love him, he is my husband, Im scared to leave.
—Guest lisa

I should have known better!

I met him on the phone...I was breaking up with my ex,and he was a friend from out if town....after 3 months on the phone and swapping stories I fell in love, and continued to date for 15 months via the phone...we had q real relationship over the phone arguements, normal talk etc....he stated that he loved me...we finally met after 15 months and it wasn't so bad...he moved to my city and in with me and my children and it wasn't so good...we've been together by ourselves for four years and we've been married for 18 months...o married him because my self worth after being mentally and physically abused was a feeling of worthlessness and I felt like is never get anyone...well now he doesn't treat me like anything cause he doesn't even pay attention to me...separate bedrooms, no sex, never has he passionately kissed me...when we did have sex it was only one position with me facing away from him...BTW I have been taking care of him financially......I WANT OUT!
—Guest Phoenixliona

Not good enough!!

I want out - every day seems to be just another argument or we silence each other to death! We are married going on 3 years and I can hardly wait for him to leave for work!! It's exhausting but I am scared to leave! We luckily have no children , but either way he has this guilt way of making me stay! I am so Over it , people notice that I have nothing left to give him! Sex?? What sex?? He pretty much does his thing at night while I am half asleep and rolls over! Sex hasn't happened for months! I have attraction for other men and day dream daily how a life without him would be so much better! He is just like his mom, anti-social and has always a guilt trip available ready to use! I am so sick of even being around him! We don't even laugh anymore, it's just staring at the TV or computer screen!! I need out but how??
—Guest Sad

Stayed for The Kids

I am actually not divorced yet but I am in the process now. I was miserable for the first 11 years because of his drinking/verbal abuse towards me when he was drunk. My mother urged me every time I called home crying hysterically to "stick it out for the kids". And that is what I've done. We sleep in separate rooms and I am not sexually attracted to him at all anymore and to tell the truth I haven't been. To top it all off I dislike his family and they feel the same about me. I am doing myself, him and our girls a huge disservice by sticking it out when I am clearly both numb and miserable. It is over and has been for far too long. I look forward to brighter days for my girls and myself after the divorce is final. I hope he will find love again too someday.
—angelstewart

He Refused to Apologize

When I told my abusive husband, who was abusive for the first 20 years of our marriage, how much damage he had done to me and our children, but would be willing to forgive him if he sincerely apologized to me and the children, and become an upright person from that point forward, he didn't. That was the end.
—Guest askyvonne

Physical Abuse Ruins a Marriage

Being physically abused for the first 20 years led me to despise and hate my ex. Even when he stopped being physical, after I called the police and threatened his job, I had stopped loving him long ago. His behavior just didn't make any sense to me.
—Guest askyvonne

Married Less Than a Year

My husband and I have been married for almost one year but we've been together for four. We're both young and we have one daughter. Honestly, we just have no communication, we sleep in separate bedrooms, rarely have sex and we do nothing more than argue, curse and fight. My happiest moments are when he's left the house for work. I feel so free and at peace and then he comes home and it's like I'm in hell again. The thing is we're both Christians and I know divorce is not of God but at this point I really don't know what to do. I'm just so really confused, I thought that we could make it work but it seems not.
—Guest gallareia

He Doesn't Bring Me Flowers

My husband is a good guy. He is a great father and I know he loves me but that's not enough. We are only married a year but when I married him I kept wondering if this was a good idea, if I really thought this was something that would realistically last. And now we don't communicate and we have a miserable or indifferent relationship with seldom bursts of fun or love. It shouldn't be that way, it should be a good relationship with a few rough spots. He doesn't notice when I look nice or ever bring home flowers or thank me for cleaning and cooking and doing laundry. I am always doing little things for him and keeping him in mind whenever I'm doing anything. He just does his day to day and either ignores me or tries to get away with speaking to me as little as possible. I feel unloved and ignored and don't want to waste my time feeling lonely and unhappy. The thing that has been keeping me here is our wonderful son. I can't imagine what it would do to him if we divorced.
—Guest Unsure

Tired Of His Anger

I have been married for almost 2 years. In the last year, he has been very angry and I am tired of being the recipient of his bad days. I have lost a lot of weight and feel depressed most days. This isn't a normal way to feel. Life is to short. I need to go.
—Guest Keeno

Time To Let Go

When we finally quarreled and I asked him to leave. And didn't came back running to me and my daughter to reconcile. Even though I am pregnant, he doesn't bother calling me to ask if I am OK. It is time to get a divorce!
—Guest Siti

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