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Readers Respond: How Did You Know It Was Time To Divorce?

Responses: 311

By

No Relationship Skills!

I am young and I got married when I was pregnant. Don’t get me wrong I love him to death. I told him I wasn’t in love anymore. We have been on the rocks for about a month and I can’t take it. I’m going crazy. We have a son who isn’t even a year old. It’s hard but I think we will get through it. Custody is my biggest thing. I won’t keep him from seeing his son but I fear every minute he will try and keep him from me.
—Guest allconfussed33

DISLIKE IS TURNING TO HATRED

I've been married 20 years, I was 10 years older than him, 30 to his 21. I had a child from another relationship. His parents have never liked me. His brother died last year, as I'm typing this he is dancing around me, trying to invoke another row, I say he is depressed. I wish he would just shut up and go away. I'm sick of all the metal abuse I'm getting. The kids think he's a lunatic, he picks on them for no reason other than to get a reaction and fight!! I've had enough of his childish behavior. I wish he would go to a bereavement counselor but he insists that nothing is wrong. He is frightened his family will find out and call him weak . I've walked out several times, because if I stayed I think I would have hurt him bad. I just wish he would go away and sort himself out. I've tried - God knows I've tried. I don't think me or the kids can carry on living in this atmosphere! Any respect I had is gone, and my dislike of him is gradually turning to hatred!! I'm so sad about all of this.
—daisydormouse

When Trust is Lost!

It was 8 years ago, when I moved to Chicago and I thought I found the woman that I was always in need of. We dated for 3 three years before marriage, which I came into wrong by not telling her of an old relationship that later was found out due to it was a close family friend of mine. We had a big fight and the trust has never been the same. She reacted by doing dirt herself but always seemed to down play it and say it was because of what I did to make it feel better, so then I would do something supid again and the cycle would repeat itself. The truth is I love my wife and truly want to be with her for ever but since the trust is not there we both police each other like fort knox and its killing our marriage. We are so close to divorce I can taste it. I would like to know what should we do, should we try and take it from each other for the kids sake or should we move on so she can be truly happy and I can just walk upon this earth?
—Guest Lastdance

Don't "Feel Alive."

Life is to short to be in a relationship that gives you nothing to feel alive. Children are no excuse, they actually can be harmed more emotionally by an unhappy marriage than a divorce. They no more than most parents think. Financial reasons are usually what keeps two people together who are both miserable. In these times going it alone is easier said then done. Truly loving someone, knowing they are just as unhappy as you are, is setting them free for both of you. Not from the Divorce Support Guide: "Feeling alive" is something that comes from within. Neither your husband nor your marriage has the ability to "make you feel alive." If you are empty in this relationship, you will be empty in the next. In these modern times, if you have both come to the conclusion that niether of you are happy with each other, arrangements acan be made. We are grown ups, and if finaces get in the way of moving out, then don't. If you both find others who full fill the voids in your lives, you can have both worlds and still be good friends. I know what it is like to care for another, but have nothing incommon. All that caring doesn't help those lonely days and nights. dreading to go home to the same old empty Box.
—Guest mary

On The Fence

Minimal sex, avoidance and rejection of any type of marital discussion, virtually no emotional intimacy at all, frequent criticism. On my end, admittedly I shut down and withdraw. There's no incentive to try to discuss things. The only thing that keeps me going is our daughter, whom I love dearly, but surely it cannot be a good example for her to be growing up with this kind of relationship as a model. If my wife and I were dating, I'm sure I would break up with her. Ending a marriage with a child is obviously more complicated. I try to understand what I have done to contribute to this situation. I'm sure I've done (or haven't done) something, but with her lack of interest in discussing anything with me, I'm flying blind. I don't know what to do anymore. I exhausted and empty.
—Guest So Low Solo

Stuck in a Bad Marriage

I have been abused verbally, physically and mentally for the past 5 years. I was 18 when I got pregnant with my now 4 yr old son, the only reason I stayed with my husband. I was young and very dumb. He holds down a job, pays for everything but throws in my face that everything is his. Calls me names and puts me down in front of our child. Controls me and where I go. I don't have any friends because of him. I told him we need to go to counseling but he insists there is nothing wrong with him and that everything is my fault. He calls me bipolar when really he's the one that obviously needs help. I'm only 22 and I want to get out of this marriage but I feel stuck
—Hurt715

Just Don't Know Any More

I just don't know any more. Me and my husband have been together for 5 years, married for almost 3 of those years. We have two beautiful children. It just seems like we fight about everything. I feel like he puts me down, makes fun of me because I tend to forget things and makes like I am screwing up our children. The one thing that really hurts my feelings is that he looks at other girls with that look of I want her but he has not looked at me like that in a year or more. I am tired of fighting and I feel like that the only time we get along is in bed. I am lost and I think the main reason I am staying is because of my kids to give them a stable home.
—Guest Nikki

Past the Point

I feel like I'm in a marriage by myself. He doesn't help with the bills - I'm lucky if I can squeeze a few hundred dollars out of him every month for the rent. He complains because we never had kids together (he has two by previous relationships) but I can't even get him to help with the dogs. He spends all his time on the computer playing video games and ignoring me. Lately he won't even talk to me and he gets snippy or yells at me if I interrupt his games. He takes his cell phone to the bathroom with him. I'm positive he's up to something. He's cheated before and I know how he acts when he's got someone on the side. He's 40. Maybe he's having a midlife crisis, I don't know. I don't really want a divorce but I also don't want to spend the rest of my life worrying about what he's up to. He can't provide and then resents me for working all the time. I've put up with it until now because I thought he cared about me, but I don't even believe that any more. Maybe enough is enough.
—Guest disgusted

I Am Thinking About Divorce

My wife and I have been married for 27 years and we are no longer sleeping in the same room, she stays in her bed room all the time. I am on the road for days sometimes and still she thinks that I am out parting it up... when most of the time I sit in a hotel room when you have no money to do any thing because she controls the money you stay in the room. We have four boys all of which have moved out and still when they come over it is a violation to her space so all she does is complain about the kids coming over. I feel as though it is pointless. I have been faithful to her all this time even when she has had at least one affair on me with a 17 year old kid. I still kept being faithful.... it has been about 8 years now since we made love or had sex and at this time I feel as though it will never happen again because I don't want it any more, at least not from her. She speaks and I cringe now. I don't know what to do. When counseling is mentioned she says she won't go Help! Not from the Divorce Support Guide: Go to counseling without her. It can help you decide whether or not you want to stay in the marriage or not and what you need to do about your situation.
—bbbrhatt

he might be perfect

my husband works alot (is very successful), is a very good husband, and is not physically or verbally abusive. In 15 years of marraige, he has been an upright man, good, honest, but not in love with me. I had 3 miscarraiges, late term, he made it to the hospital 1 time. He wasn't there to bring my two healthy boys from the hospital. He has been very cheap with me. We seperated for six months, I was very happy, but then I got sick, so we moved back in together. He's made such an effort but every day I wait for the other shoe to fall. And I am so lonely. He doesn't call for anything but to tell me what to do where to be and how to do. no sweet talk, no how is your day? I am lonely and want to run far away, but my children are happy and they have already been through one seperation...but I am so unhapppy
—Guest wishing 2 stop the hurt

HELP

I have been married for almost 6 years. We have a beautiful daughter that is almost three. We started dating when I was 16 and I just knew he was the one. If I would have known that he would continue drinking and staying out with his friends I would have never married him. I admit I'm not the best wife in the world. I don't keep the house clean or clothes washed like most, but I feel it is because I just don't care anymore. We argue a lot and he blames his drinking and staying out late on me since I don't keep the house clean. Every time we talk about it he keeps saying that if I keep the house done then he will stop, but it never happens. Everything just keeps repeating over again. It was really bad before my daughter was born. I was going to kick him out the day I found out I was pregnant, but I gave in. WHY? Maybe there is somebody else out there that knows what I am going through and this might help them realize they're not alone.
—Guest Guest

Lonely & Unhappy!

I have been with my husband for 15 years; we have a 10 year old daughter and have been married for 4 years. He is a great provider and a wonderful father, but he is a horrible husband. We do not do much as a couple and do not communicate well. The things that I like doing he doesn’t and most of the time we are doing things by ourselves. He is not very affectionate and romantic. I am yearning for affection and this make me very unhappy. I have expressed this to my husband many times and he said that he will change, but it’s the same thing year in year out. I even suggested couples counseling and he refuses. I cannot continue to be unhappy anymore. We do not spend much time together apart from the house. He is not willing to try new things and our sex life if very boring. I am a very sexual person and my husband is not allowing me to express that, his continuous rejections is pushing me further away from him. I am very lonely and unhappy you would think that I was a single person.
—Guest Tired

Not Sure What To Do

We've been together 10 years. My partner has always been volatile, a side of her I have never liked. When we met she seemed outgoing but she was hiding a very shy and jealous inner self. She hates me going out or spending any time with anyone but her. I run my own business and work long hours usually 12 hours days 7am to 7pm except most weekends. We own two houses and never really worry about money or bills. We've recently had a baby by IVF and she now says we shouldn't have had him as I don't get home until 7. All I want is for us to have a great time together when I'm home and make the most of everything we have. I don't cheat but get offers all the time which I walk away from. My partner gets aggressive and heavy handed with me but I would never hit her back. I want us to be loving together but she makes a problem out of everything so we always end up in silence. Is it time to part? I don't want to spend my life like this but don't want to lose my time with my beautiful young son.
—Guest Mc28

I Regret Getting Married

I have been married to my wife for 2 years, dated for four. She used to be very cute and normal. Now, the smallest thing and she flies off the handle yelling. She does nothing around the house. She works out, that is her contribution to the house. I am the major bread winner, earning double her salary. I also do all of the cooking, take care of the dogs, and pay all of the bills. When I travel for work, nothing gets done. All she does is complain about how hard her life is. We argue all of the time, with her always apologizing for being out of control. I no longer have any feelings for my wife, and I would never cheat. I am stuck in a marriage I no longer want with a woman who is no longer lovable.
—Guest living_w/regret

I Feel Trapped

I have been married for two years and in those two years have been to hell and back with my husband. Six months into our marriage he cheated on me with a 17 year old girl at a friends wedding. We have been together for three years and for two of those years he has been both physically,verbally and mentally abusive to me. I had him arrested the last he became abusive,but am still with him. I am pregnant and pay for everything. All he does is sit and play his video games and ignore me. The only time I get any attention is when he wants sex. I don't know what to do I am only 22 and have my whole life in front of me but I feel like after everything that has already happened it should only get better. Note from the Divorce Support Guide: It won't get better! Get out now while you are young, like you said, you have your entire life ahead of you. You don't want to live it like this do you?
—Guest feels stupid

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