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Readers Respond: How Did You Know It Was Time To Divorce?

Responses: 311


Leaving so I Can Keep My Sanity

I've been married for 15 years, with him for 17. Over the past few years, he has become verbally abusive, calling me the c-word, the w-word, the b-word, etc., every time there's an argument. My friends tell me I'm being emotionally abused. I'm starting to understand their observations. I want to spend time away from the house because I'm afraid to go home for I know there is an argument just waiting for me. I cry every night. For me to remain emotionally healthy, I'm afraid I have to leave - so I can keep my sanity. I have grown. He has stagnated. I need to be challenged, he needs his parents to help him find/keep a job. I'm tired of living off their welfare because he won't keep a job. If he leaves a job, it's never his fault. I just want to move on with my life and perhaps find love again - feel loved and valued again. I don't want to cry anymore. I don't want to be called derogatory names anymore. Is that too much to ask?
—Guest Sad In NH

Putting Adults Before Husband

I have been married for 22 years and it’s time to move on. My husband was a great guy, we have 3 kids who are adults and they still live in our house. The only thing he wants is for them to get out and I do understand that but he says he would be happy to never see them again that he did his time! I love my kids and that’s all that I have when it comes to family. I would rather have them around then him! Anything that they have done that was wrong is my fault. He says that I was a bad mother that did everything for them, but I also have done everything for him. I look at him and just want to get rid of him, every day I hope that he won’t come home. so Monday I’m off to see a lawyer and move on with my life no matter what..I know I can find happiness in my life if it’s just being alone with no one to judge me and I can be my self.
—Guest vikki

I Married on the Rebound

I met him when we both were heartbroken. I manage to get over within a few months but little did I realize no matter how much effort and self-sacrificing love has been shown despite him acknowledging it could not open or win his heart. Lost the determination to work on the marriage. Now completely drained emotionally and mentally. Whenever I tried with tears sometime he just can't be bother to improve and make no progression except on his work. It's like talking to a brick wall someone with no qualm as to the ill treatment and short temper over small things and his unreasonableness just to cut short. Enough is enough because I discovered he had had emotional affairs with a few woman which he had been lying all these past years. Just waiting for other woman to confess Many telltale sign . At the moment my love for him is dead.What a relieve and joy to be out of his life good without having to go through again the pain and hurt.I will NEVER MARRIED AGAIN . Once bitten twice shy.
—Guest Exhuasted

Don't Know What to do Anymore

My husband and I are a young couple. We've been together since I was 16. I was in school when we started dating and got pregnant a year later. He use to be so sweet and caring but for the past 2 1/2 years he’s been very selfish. He works 65 hours a week and I know that’s a lot. But my son and I never hear the end of it. When we argue he tells me everything is his and I have nothing. He never pays attention to our 3 year old son and has made some very hateful comments about his being born. A few months ago I had left due to an argument we had. Then we decided to work on our marriage and everything was going great. Then found women’s numbers and pictures on his phone and emails on the computer. He claims to have only talked to them but I had found underwear in our house. I don’t have any money to support my son and I, and my family lives in a different state. He says he wants to work on it but he’s still selfish and is keeping our financial info from me. I have no idea what I should do.
—Guest mimi

I Don't Try Anymore Because we Are Done!

I am in a bad marriage. I found out some months back that my alcoholic husband (trying to deal with) had an affair that lasted about 2yrs. I found out on the eve of my 36 birthday. He & I had a wonderful day & I wanted to send him some texts that he & I had shared earlier but I made a mistake & sent the same one twice. So I graciously turned his cell on to erase the twice text to find that he did not have me listed in his phone at all...1st mistake... 2nd our kids (his step kids) sends him pics all the time none were in his phone (2nd issue) but his phone had plenty of younger urban females & he had several women listed (non related) 3rd issue,, However there was one that stuck out to me so I played the text game all to find out that he was sleeping with her & she was seriously in love with him. He said it was all due to the fact that I continued to put the issue of drinking & him staying out late all the time in his face. I don't even try anymore because were done.
—Guest Tracie Yvonne

I Ended the Fighting!

I was married for 6 years to a man that I thought would grow old with me and share goals. Life got to be one fight after another. He turned out to be selfish, stopped caring about me and was unmotivated. I ended up in debt as he never communicated his finances either. He thought he did no wrong. Sex was terrible - I could go on and on. I couldn't get divorced fast enough and change my name. It has been two years - I am back on my feet financially, independent and found myself again. I am happy and have set new goals for 2011. My advice is to give yourself time after your divorce to feel good about life again and use your gut feeling if you have to get out of a relationship that just is not letting you be yourself or costing you money and you are getting no appreciation out of your partner. Even if you don't know "why" this is happening to you - you will survive it. Cry and scream if you have to just remember that the past no longer exists and the present can be good!
—Guest Lynn

I think it is TIme to Divorce

I have been married for 11 years. I love my husband like a best friend. Our families have comleley united. My husband tries to make me happy by asking what I need. We talk a lot sometimes and then there are days where we don't speak at all. When we go out alone, there is nothing to talk about but work. We rarely sleep in the same room and haven't had sex for months. The last three times left me annoyed. We have had the same position for 13 years are he suffers from erectile dysfunction. He refused to take Viagara. He is a great guy but I feel that I am really missing out on the real guy by being with my best friend. I can no longer deprive myself of love , compassion and caring. I am not in love with my husband, maybe my beautiful daughter. She is amazing to me and I love her to death. I just want to keep her and move on. If I can't have custody, I can't leave. I am a completely independent. I go on dates alone. I just want to meet women first which is bad.
—Guest guestready

No Feelings, No Spark, No Love?

I feel like I have no feelings at all for him anymore. Everything he does aggravates me, he can't get a job and half asses what he needs to do in order to join the military. When I look at him, I feel nothing. It seems so long ago now...when I used to look at him..its like there were butterflies in my chest and now I feel...almost disgust. I don't know whether to throw in the towel or not...I can't take care of myself and my children on the little money I make. I've tried repairing the relationship...I'm lost.
—Guest Gina

Stuck in a Bad Marriage!

Life with my husband for 13 years has been hell. Through the years he has blamed depression, ED, bi-polar, his family life growing up for his lack of responsibility. I supported him through it all only to find out that he has been cheating on me the whole time with several women. He became ill/disabled (I am taking care of him) and we tried to work it out - only for me to find out he is still having intimate conversations with the woman he screwed in our home. Finances prevent making an exit right now. Feel like I am serving a life sentence.
—Guest SC

Afraid of Losing my Son

I have been married for two years and I have a child with my wife. I live in Korea, but I’m from England. Well, my wife is very controlling and she doesn't allow me to have any friends. I am miserable with her but when I see my son it fills me with joy and I seem to forget all the bad things in my life. I want to leave my wife but as a foreigner in Korea I don’t have any rights with regards to my son. I know if I leave my wife will never let me see my son again. I don’t know what to do! Stay or go and potentially never see my son again?...Note from Divorce Support Guide Cathy Meyer, have you considered moving your family to England where you would have more rights if you should divorce?
—Guest expat

Enough Verbal Abuse!

I just left my home two weeks ago though I'm back and now living in a room alone. I am doctor, she is teacher. We have one kid. Seven years old. My wife was emotionally abusing me for a long time. Whatever I did in the home was subject for a big argument. She blames me days on end. She doesn't allow me to go away when she is shouting at me. Once I went into the bath and shut the door. She kicked and broke the door. It came to a point where I hate going home at night. I started to go home late. I wish she would never come back home. Ultimately I was feeling I was walking on egg shells at home. I was so afraid of doing anything at home cause she might shout at me. So much so she managed to become more and more aggressive. We went to counseling for ten years. Nothing helped. I cried alone for months. Once then I've tried to take a drug over dosage. I didn't make a move cause of my son. Ultimately it became that living together is more harmful to my son. So I moved out. I feel lonely but relieved.
—Guest praan55

Alone & un-knowingly ready for DIVORCE!

I've been married for 10 years now, we have twins that are 9 and it's seems sad that the twins are the reason we stay together. I have sincerely tried to make this marriage work over that past several years by doing everything he has asked of me, including bringing him a towel every time he takes a shower. Not being allowed to go out with friends, living with a husband that lives in the basement office 24/7 etc. I just can't take it anymore. I moved out 5 weeks ago and the scariest issue is that I can't miss something I never had. I wanted to post some positive advice! I have learned and now understand that just because two people grow apart and have different outlooks in life does not mean our lives, the children s lives and the love that will always be in our hearts has to turn into depression. Yes, we have grown apart and he doesn't like it but I will promise myself to look towards the positive side rather than the negative! My Marriage ending in divorce, means a new door is about to open!
—Guest Rebecca

He Lies Constantly!

My new husband of 3 months is a pathological liar. He lies to me and everyone around him every second he gets. When confronted he claims to be honest. I cry myself to sleep every night thinking about what and who this man really is. I am suspecting he is having intimate relations with a co-worker which he is denying as well. Every time I lean over to kiss him he pushes me away. It makes me so sad to think that I could of gotten involved with this person. He keeps secrets from me and makes me feel like he is my enemy rather than my partner. I will walk out on him, hopefully he figures it out before it is too late.
—Guest So hurt

He Cheats While I'm Pregnant

My husband has been cheating on me since even before we got married. Especially each time when I got pregnant, he sure will have an affair.I have 4 kids now and he went from bad to worse. Now he gets abusive with the kids and treats us like we are in the army. I am tired of his unrepentant attitude. We have not been having sex for about a month now. It is me who has been rejecting him. I just can't do it. I'm just disgusted with his attitude. There's lots of signs for divorce. But I'm not sure if I'm still keeping the marriage because of the kids or is it because I'm afraid...
—Guest Guest Depression

When He Tried to Punch Me I Left

I knew my marriage was over when he tried to punch me in the face, I quickly moved and he punched the wall and dented it. He said he never meant to punch me? One time he also said to me " But I always say sorry after I hit you" ??? He just doesn't get it.
—Guest Bee

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