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Readers Respond: How Did You Know It Was Time To Divorce?

Responses: 311

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Divorcing Because Wife Yells at Me

We dated for about 6 years before we got married. She is beautiful and caring and is sweet at times. I asked her to marry me. When we got married I had no cold feet it was like I was in bliss I was 29 at the time. Knew she would be the love of my life but I was wrong. It's been 15 years and on the 7th year of marriage I already knew I was in for a journey. She yells at me, calls me a bum for not showering, I was tired and I work as a police officer so I am unable to shave or shower for days because I get home extremely tired. She is constantly on me about everything whether its from my payday to watching TV. I can't take it anymore. We have a boy and a girl both 5-9 years old. I don't want to leave because of them but from my job to her I may become psycho. Compromise is something we have problems with and we argue a lot. She calls me stupid and I just want to stop trying. Also her being a nurse makes it worse because she has triple the stress I do. Don't want to spend my life life like this.
—Guest Elijah Bourn

Give and Take in Marital Relationships

I go to work, come home cook clean and he does nothing. Last year he was out of work for the whole year. He just got a job three months a ago and is already out of work again. He said that he got fired because he was not qualified enough but then my best friend calls me and says that he quit. Her uncle worked there to. He stays out till all hours of the night and never wants to spend time with me or do things with me. We have only been married for a year and a half and I'm pretty much over the whole situation. All of my friends say to leave and I am really considering it because there is no respect or love. He treats me like crap and everyone can see it. I am only 22 and I think that the whole situation is too hard for him. He wants to be married but has no idea what that means. He spends money like we have millions and he always gets what he wants and I hardly buy anything for myself because I am the one worrying about the bills and how we are going to make it to the next check. I'm over it.
—Guest Over it

When you've given your all

Who else has been married for over 15 years to someone incapable of being affectionate, or ever showing their emotions, and sharing what they think and feel? And the only thing you do share is a non-existent sex life with conversations limited to whose turn it is to pick up our son? Our sixth year together, I knew it was time to go; then my wife got pregnant and we had a son. Six more years passed, and I was looking forward to retiring from the military. I was told in order to retire, I would have to deploy one last time into combat. My wife was very understanding and told me she wouldn't be there when I got back from deployment, because she didn't want to be married to a body bag. I knew it would be hard, but to save my marriage, I gave up retirement and got out the military. A year after getting out and struggling to land a job, when my wife complained about our circumstances, and I reminded her why I gave up retirement; she said she never said that. What would you do?
—Guest Joe

When I started hating my life

I have been married 5 yrs together 9. My husband is a habitual cheater and that isn't even in the top 10 reasons I want a divorce. He suffers with untreated depression due to abuse as a child. He is unloving, physically abusive & threatening, not supportive, selfish (understatement), takes no responsibility for his actions, is a HUGE liar, lazy as a sloth, mentally manipulative. We argue about everything, or do not speak. I know I want a divorce for several reasons. 1) I hate my life (with him in it). The thought comes to my mind constantly. I have no energy, he drains the life out of me like a vampire. I can't think of a time when I was happy with him. I know I deserve so much better. A person who knows my situation told me, " You are absolutely beautiful and deserve love". It hurt me that I needed reminding, and am so emotionally damaged I can't even take a compliment. We own a business together, it is our only source of income.......
—gogogadgetlife

My marriage is over

I've been married for 20 years. After giving birth, she went in depression and I looked after her and my little one for more than 12 years. I've been the provider and care giver and everything. 11 years ago, I discovered by chance, that she was involved in an affair with a co-worker. I found out that she was involved in this relation for more than 2 years while our relationship was very normal! She did every effort then to make me accept her again and to work to save the marriage at that time claiming that it was a big mistake. I just discovered again that she has been involved in another affair for more than a year with my best friend and she is supposed to be his wife's best friend too. Again, she keeps repeating that it was a mistake and that she was forced into that! My marriage is over!
—B_Pharo

How do I end it?

Been together 9 yrs, married 7yrs. We have a 7 and a 3 yr old. I have ALWAYS worked and taken care of the kids and paID ALL the bills. He's been to prison several times. Hasn't worked in the last 9 months. Has always been verbally, physically and emotionally abusive. He's on probation right now for domestic violence against me. He's cheated on me countless times, but he's always accusing me of cheating even though I don't. I'm starting to realize that I resent him for all he's done to me and that I haven't fully forgiven him. He's an alcoholic, although that has subsided, for now. He always tells me that I am his life and he would be lost without me so I feel bad for him. Even though he's hurt me so many times all these years, I still don't want to hurt him. I think about leaving him every single day and fantasize about what else is out there for me and my kids. I have to get my kids and I out of this. But how?
—Guest JR

After serious introspection

Eleven years together, seven years of marriage, some good, some bad when he cheated on me. Three couples theraphist, forgivness andlater on a beautiful son and our greatest accomplishment as a couple, also as human beings I guess. The last three years he didn't want to have sex, he is depressive, refused to get help no matter how many times and ways I suggested kindly to walk next to him and find a solutions. He pretended nothing was wrong as long as I didn't bring the subject up. I remained faithful and loving, but a sexless marriage is no marriage, love started to die for me, I felt unappreciated, doubts about my womanhood invaded me beyond what I can explain here, frustration andpain, lots of time without getting an answer from myself as to what to do, stay with my "roomate", remain married with this person I loved but was no longer a spouse, was friendship enough to sustain and justify my life next to him for the rest of my life? Will staying for my son benefit my so son's upbringing when I was already seeing the effects in my own personal unsatisfactions, already invading my sacred motherhood space..... The answer for me came this way: I could not for the longest time picture my life without my husband even in the worst of times my love was so big and my certainty of me being by his side 100%, I loved this man, but one day I woke up after many months of introspection and suddenly I realized I could for the first time picture my life without him... We divorced with dignity, dialogue, forgivness, we decided to save the friendship over a relationship that was going to get us to the point of hating eachother. It wasn't easy, far from it, this was the hardest decision of my life, yet the view of the alternative seemed like a self imposed jail sentence to pay for my past decisions... Redemption I believe in that, second, third chances... To find the one. We all have good and bad in us, you can only improve a situation by solving issues and removing the blame even if solving means divorce. After my divorce and over two years single and adapting to that state, I started dating which has erased totally my doubts about my womanhood : ) intimecy between couples that is manipulated or restrained is a big disfunctional aspect of a relationship and should be addressed.
—auroreb

once, twice, too many times

I've been married for 16years. I married out of desperation. I find myself wanting to runaway away from my husband. He behaves mean to his 3 children, he always used to say he didnt have money when in fact he did. The bottom line is he was not a good provider. Everytime I had the chance to break away from him he would say sorry and could I give him another chance, like a fool I would. But then I realized he would not change so i decided to go get a divorce.
—Guest sweet4533

Hard to believe

I still don't know that divorce is what I actually wanted. Too late to change now... But you can't help but wonder the "what-ifs?".... What I keep reminding myself is that.... As much as I want him here with me, maybe even just for the comfort of it, I don't want to repeat the cycle of the SAME arguments and the SAME pain over and over again. Is it worth experiencing time and time again, or better to go through the pain of losing them. My problem is the rollercoaster of emotions that hit you. One moment, trying to be positive and think of the fun you can have alone... And the next, crying over the fact that the one person you want to talk to about it, is the person you have to learn to live without.
—redhead331

Debating???

I have been married for 2 1/2 years now and been together for a total of 7 years. From the beginning, I should have gone with my gut because I felt like I did all the work in the relationship. I always went to him whenever we were dating, he never came to me. Then I wanted to prolong the engagement because I needed more time. Then everyone was so happy and wanted to plan the damn wedding and I was excited to plan it too. During my time with "Bob", he has called me names, like "fat", "slob", and that my housework is "half-a*s". He always apologizes after calling me names and blames it on the fact that he is tired or stressed from work. He says that I made him do it. He told me a couple months ago that I was a "disappointment" because I don't cook and clean good or enough. I am so unhappy and confused. I think about leaving him daily and think about another life out there somewhere. I feel stuck. We own a house and I cannot afford it without him.
—needsafriend79

What Was I Thinking?

well my story is.. got pregnate at 15 married at 16 and second child at 17 third child age 30... i made a mistake and married my husband.. over the last 20 years ive cried more times than i care to admit. been lied to often and have always been sure he wasnt faithfull. i kept this marriage together for all this time just to learn i should have let go long ago. now i have cheated and i dont feel guilty.. its time to stop this charade! my only hesittaion is my children.. will they understand i gave it my all but no longer have love for my husband. i have been hurt too many times and can no longer forgive. i am becoming bitter and depressed. im not leaving for another man .. im leaving for me! so if your in a bad relationship .. get out! dont make my mistake it only prolongs the pain. you cant make a man love you no matter how hard you try.
—Guest Time to End This

I Realized

I realized after looking at all the things he did to me that I hated him for it and although I could forgive him... I would never forget.
—Guest Auzsa

I just woke up one Sunday morning!

After nearly 13 years of marrige that were verbaly, emotionaly, and physicaly abusive - I just woke up one Sunday morning and I had had enough! this enough started the previous Saterday nite when I imagined myself at 50 years old broken down mentaly, physicaly, spiritualy. I knew that in the future my children would not respect me. Not only would they not respect me for letting my husband abuse me year after year but, they would not respect me for allowing them to grow up in such circumstances. I also tried to invision them 20 yrs from now the disfunction of thier relationships and so on. Thier future soley depended on me! I had the power to effect the rest of thier lives so positivly! And I will forever after, there is a trust and determination that I see when they look at me. It all started one Sunday morning when enough was enough!
—Guest crystall

no words to discribe

My marriage has never been comfortable. I have been alone almost all of it. My husband doesnt' like confrontations and runs away from me when I have something to say. He's an alcoholic and when he's drunk I cannot bear having sex with him. I've been married 32 years. He thinks the world of me. One day being alone and feeling like he didn't care about me anymore, I cheated. The man I cheated wth was married. I fell hard for him but he never would tell me he loves me. It's been 8 years and I still see this man just to satisfy me sexual cravings. I think all men now are selfish and there is no hope for love in my life. I have been with many others besides. My shrink thinks now I have a problem like Jessie,Tiger and you know what I mean. It didn't start this way. and am so depressed all the time. I think I have been disconnected from the rest of the world now. Something is so wrong. I'm attractive. I don't want to hurt my husband. Im such an ass!!!
—Guest susan

When She Lied To The Police..

She lied to the Police with the assistance of her 4 Bitter Fat Divorced Women friends.. "I think he is going to throw me off the 14th floor balcony" Well the Police came, woke me & the kids, handcuffed me in front of my children & carted Dad away. 17 years married, 23 year relationship. This happens ALL THE TIME here in Canada. Borderline Personality Disordered women. The result, I have a criminal record now, she has custody but neglects the kids, the kids now hate her. Actually, It was 8 years earlier when I noted to myself that I got more companionship from the family cat than my wife. I was only staying because of the kids.
—Guest Robert

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