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Readers Respond: How Did You Know It Was Time To Divorce?
Responses: 71

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From the article: Top 6 Signs of Impending Divorce

I've written about the top six signs of impending divorce. Every marriage is different though and the reason you chose to divorce may not have made my list. Whether your reason made the list or not I'm sure our readers could learn from your divorce experience. So, please share with us how you knew it was time for a divorce. What Were Your Reasons

I don't want a divorce

We've been having problems for years but I kept thinking that this is normal in marriage. Everybody fights. But my husband says he is sick and tired of the rollercoaster and wants out. We have three small children and I don't want to disrupt their lives. I want to keep working on our marriage but he does not want the same thing. He's also confided to his parents that he wants to split. Don't know what to do...
—Guest Liz

Not loved anymore

I love my husband, more than anything, and he used to worship the ground I walked on, but now, 6 years later with 2 children he tells me I am not even worthy enough to rest when I am sick, I am to be up all night with our children and up all day cooking, cleaning and caring for everyone while he sleeps until noon. He has a job but barely works, he tells me I am ugly, fat, have strectch marks that would gross out any other man, I wear a size 5!?! He tells me to shut my mouth or get out and he has wanted that for years and he should have stayed with his ex. I cry when I think of not loving him anymore but feel excitement when I think of how life could be without him. What do I do??
—Guest EC77

Divorce 101

I hit all of the "signs of impending divorce." I have been unhappy for more than 8 years. I guess I could swallow anitdepressants, but I think I would rather live. Being happy is ultimately the best revenge. I intend to do so...without him. A good Catholic girl, I never envisioned myself contemplating divorce. However, I am tired of giving and not receiving. I am tired of being invisible, except when supper is served. Mostly, I have realized that this marriage has sucked from me my identity, my vision, and my hopes. Everyone talks about "marriage counseling." What a joke! You people make it appear that something bad must be salvaged. WHY? Would you continue to put money into an old clunker of a car, simply because you bought it 20 years ago? Life is too short to hold on to something which not only doesn't help, but also hurts...and sucks the soul out of you.
—Guest ancic16673

When I knew it was time to leave.

I think there comes a time in most relationships (that have lasted longer than three years), when you realize that marriage is going to be hard work. For me, I worked hard at making my marriage a good one. I thought I was doing all the right things. But I wasn't aware that I was married to a serial cheater. I lived in my own fantasy world with regards to my marriage, never believing he could or would cheat on me. That was 6 or 7 affairs ago, and his last affair started out as chatting between him and the woman he was going to marry before he and I met. Of all his affairs, that one hurt the most, and although nothing physical had transpired at that time, I could see the signs of impending doom. So, I left. the affair lasted three months. I filed for divorce before that affair was finished, and have not gone back. There comes a time when you have to think about yourself, your health, and your life. For me it was a matter of survival...I simply could not endure another affair.
—Guest Sparkle Bunny

Angry with myself

Been married 7 years, together 10. No kids (thankfully). He's selfish, usually treats me like a doormat. When he's good, he's awesome. When he's bad, I don't want to be anywhere near him. I get happy when he goes away on business. He complains about everything; his personal and professional life, the weather, noise, family coming over for visits, why I didn't cook, even though he specifically said "No dinner for me tonight", etc. I'm so damn tired. But I'm angry because I don't have enough balls to leave. Silly me I'm thinking of what people (i.e. parents) will say... Too afraid I'll hear, "I told you so...".
—Guest Mary

Tired

My husband and I have been marries for 9 years. In this 9 years he has drank, stayed out to all hours and made excuses for hi behavior. I am sick and tires of the lies and him leaving me at home with 3 kids..he never apologizes for his antics and has even had his license suspended. He likes to party and I am the grown-up around here. Not only that, he talks to me horribly in front of my kids and his family is rude to me and the children also. I am saving every penny to leave as I have had enough of the lying and verbal mistreatment. I know the children and I will have to live with a little less, but hey, at least it'll be stress free!
—Ryley02

The Truth Hurts

Its easier to belive a lie. I lived it for 14 years and still havet had enough. I dont know what I want or who I am anymore. Wow I said it. OK short and sweet. 6 months after I was maried I told my husband I wanted a divorce. I wanted to help him, but he wasent ready. On many ocassions I set apointments for him to see a Dr. had deep conversations about the issue. Well I finally was brave enough to open the bathroom door to find him jacking off with plesure. There I was a 25 yr old sexxy hot latina ready to get to know her man in every way. Well he prefers his hand. He told me I was a quiter that I had bagage. Cuz my parents were divorced my dad was a cheater. Well dont ever challange a latina. I stuck it out and lived with a no sex marrige. I couldnt belive he was having sex with anyone else if he wasnt having it with me (Im so vain). Well 2 Kids later and Im going to be 40. He was having sex with everyone I new and some grannys to. Nothing rong with grannys but dam I was 25 and hot.
—Guest Played for a fool

I am staying for the kids does not work

I have been married to this women for 14 years. She spends money faster thanthe mint can print it. She has put me in debt over a 100k and thinks it is my fault because I do not make more. Her friends are her world, we the family are secondary. I have lost my feelings for her. She is mean always yelling. I lost my edge. I am now looking for a way out.
—Guest Bob

Ghetto drama

He was on dating websites; claimed it was his brother and getting ideas to write a book. Talked daily and loaned money to ex wife who cheated on him, accused him of hurting daughter and charged him with domestic violence supposedly because she is bipolar. They don't have children. Took other women I don't know out to dinner because they are "friends". Told me busy with work but out spending money on movies with other women. Took money from telling me was broke but saw giving money to baby mother. His family is chaotic- drug abusers, infidelity, poor. Brother cheats on his wife. Just made mistake of marrying into drama who pretends he's professional man.
—Guest Sick of it in Sobe

he is still stuck in the past

His ex cheated on him, file bankruptcy, left him to raise a daughter by himself. This is his second marriage my third.I assure him he is not marrying the same woman...he have trust issue. Nothing is joint in our marriage.He is very high-strung about money. I feel it's a marriage of conveyance. I cook & clean he provide a roof over my head. I should have stay single.
—Guest maggie

I don't miss him

A year ago, my husand and our daughter went for a month to visit his family; he kept asking (via email) if I missed him. "If you wanted me to miss you, you should have been nicer to me!" I replied. As the month grew short I found I was intensely sad - anxious to see my daughter - but not him. He tells me what to do ALL the time - nothing I do escapes his critcism. Sex is horrible - "sex" is too sexy a word for what he does. He asks about my fantasies and I can't tell him - they're not sexual -- it's just my life -- WITHOUT him somehow. I realized to my horror that I wished he was dead. NOT at my hand - but somehow, just dead. I finally realized that that is chickenshit and I have to be the one to pull the plug on our pathetic marriage. I stayed for our daughter but she is now in college and she isn't at all happy to see me so sad - and I'm setting a bad example for her but putting up with his emotional abuse. I just started a new job, have a lawyer and am packing!! I'm so happy.
—Guest Eliza

There is always that moment

Our marriage was a mess , we discussed divorce. That some night, he had a heart attack. I immediately told him I loved him, always had. at not point in the hospital or at home recovering did he say he loved me. Two years later, he still doesn't say the words. I know we want two different lives. I want a loving relationship, that is fun. He did too, at one time. Now he wants a roommate. I know this is over. But difficult with 2 kids and bills keep up together. Just a sad way to end 21 years of marriage and 24 of being together.
—Guest Ayyd

I have known for years it was time

Like many of the other posts here, I am in a unhealthy marriage,extremely unhappy and have done nothing to leave the cycle of abuse, verbal, silent control, trying to communicate, on a daily basis about 5 words are spoken, mostly who is picking up our daughter or we need some food, he is not working and this has been a pattern for years, when he did work the last two years he went out of state to Louisiana or New York city we are in North Carolina that in itself is such a red flag that we wants away from the home, unavailable to even be emotionally tapped in, he can never handle emotions, he has been fired or quit jobs many times, I saw red flags since dating, we got married after five years of dating, we have two kids 19 and 17, of course I stayed distracted by being a Mom and loving it, doing everything with my children, alone 90% of the time, he falls into so many unhealthy traits, confrontation, lack of eye contact when communicating, he always has his needs met,
—BetsyLynnH.

mr confused

I am just writing concerning my current marriage. last night, I knew it was the end you see I was angry all week and day as well. I let it go when I got home but I still had it in the back of my mind. I was with my spouse to a party and we were drinking, I drank like 4 beers nothing spectclar since I don't like to drink at all (I use to). Anyhow my wife keep puting me down, and direspecting me . I admit I may have said a few counter lines just as defense. But she ragging me and kept pushing all night, talking down to me. I am very passive, but I finally got up and pushed her hard twice which I regret doing. she punched me and slapt my face hard
—dodgersfan

Complacent or alive? Is this IT?

Married 10 yrs. Until this spring, I have not felt attractive to men, so I stayed in my shell with him. I have caught him in sex chats or found the text from those chats several times. I confronted him each time. His response is it's just fantasy and that he thinks of me at that YOUNG age when he is chatting with them. OH PLEASE. How am I (late 30s) to compete with a 17 year old that sends him pics of her oiled up on a mat? These girls believe everything he tells them. He wants kids. I have told him that I am no longer interested in having kids. It scares the heck out of me. I am not really attracted to him anymore. Frankly, I don’t want to give up the freedom I have left to raise a child. I have explained that I need romance and understand that he is just not wired that way. He doesn’t process things the way I do. He doesn’t share his thoughts/emotions. I need that badly. I have felt numb until recently when I started getting others attention. I feel alive but in pain.
—Guest numb until this spring