1. People & Relationships

Readers Respond: How Did You Know It Was Time To Divorce?

Responses: 311

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I've written about the top six signs of impending divorce. Every marriage is different though and the reason you chose to divorce may not have made my list. Whether your reason made the list or not I'm sure our readers could learn from your divorce experience. So, please share with us how you knew it was time for a divorce.

If you need real life support for a question or problem, please post to theDivorce Support Forum for feedback from others..

I Was Wrong

I got pregnant at 20, and married him when I was 5 months pregnant. We now have 2 children, and while he is a good guy and a okay father, Ive known from the beginning I wasn't all the way in it. I'm still in love with my ex from 12 years ago..and he loves me. I have to wait now to be financially ready for us to divorce.. If we did it now we would both be screwed. Note from the Divorce Support Guide...have you taken into consideration how "screwed" your husband is going to be when the two of you are able to afford to break up his family?
—Guest sigh

"Here We Go Again"

I have a mother,and a step-father. In the beggining of their marrige,they loved eachother. There was no lies, abusive or verbal volience (that I know of). A couple of months after their wedding I had a new baby sister. All was good until we moved . So like all men, they dont want to move far from their mommys. So we lived like 5 mons away. About a year there was another child entered our family. There was more conflict arose in our family. Not little arguments, but BIG. Hitting was the "new black". Verbal abuse was used in our household EVERYDAY. My mother is is always being acused of cheating. Arguments like that, led to my step father going on the bender. So this went on eversince my mom got a new laptop. She would be on it allday, and when it was time for my step dad to come home, she would get off it right away.Idk what she does on it, but she can be on it for at least 5 hrs straight. This is where the conflict occurs. Mom will be on the comp. Do u think they will be soon divorced?
—Guest Samantha Cole

Lack of Sex

She (wife) never ever talked to me in the vehicle, especially on long drives or short drives. She always brought a book along to avoid talking to me. I can remember more than one occasion where we were out of town, we chose a hotel. When it came to going to sleep she would never be intimate with me at all. Years ago, she would ask me to hug her at night, she doesn't do any of this anymore. Also, she just received a job at walmart. She says that everyone is cheating on each other and they are all divorce. It's strange and ironic that we are heading in the same direction. Also, she doesn't enjoy touching my me anymore at night. She used to do this. Now I have to remind her do do it. Not only this, I have to exercise all of the work during sex. This includes getting her aroused just to be intimate. There is nothing here anymore!!! It's time for a parting of the ways. I don't know when she's at work at night. She lies all of the time.
—Guest Hart Taylor

I Got Out And I'm Happy

I was happily married and pregnant. Sex was great and he was wonderful. I was released from the hospital at 7 months after having high contractions. I was placed on bed rest and he left that evening on vacation with his boys! Well ... after I gave birth he changed! I found a picture of him with the whore in Puerto Rico, one I knew from the neighborhood. I left him, but tried again after a year ... he thought he was doing me a favor and that I should be so grateful. I didn't help much with the bills nor the baby but at least he was home to raise his child ... I was depressed and unhappy. I felt trapped and realized I didn't ruin this he did and I deserve to be happy even if it meant being alone! I got out and I am happy! I am divorced and I feel genuinely free with my happy child!
—Guest jada

About to Make The Wrong Decision

Married for fifteen years, his first marriage, my second. I brought two boys who are now 19 and 16. We have a son together who is 8. I am an educated professional who has become disabled by my disabling mental health conditions primarily depressive disorder. My spouse is so unlike my first choice, no abuse per se but in all actuality I feel like I'm in an abusive relationship due to our lack of communication and really his unwillingness to talk things through without always having to be right. Overall he doesn't cheat and is very faithful. He has been unemployed for a year and seems okay with it, I'm not! I'm ready to fix me, move on and leave but feel guilty to him and my 8 year old son but I am totally miserable and he just placated, this is aweful and my youngest totally feels our lack of connection...
—Guest feeling lost

Why I'm Not Divorced

We simply cant afford to get a divorce. With a mortgage payment and college payments there is no money left. No money for us to pay for to places to live. My husband has absolutely no interest in me what so-ever. I have been fooling myself for many years believing him as he has said he loves me. However, he never wants to do anything together. He never even talks to me. He watches sports non-stop. He plays sports twice a week. This is what he lives for.....being with other men. Truth.
—Guest marissa

No Communication or respect

When we were first together he was very responsive to me and seemed to care about my feelings. We got married after 2 years of what seemed like a great relationship. We were very physical and loving. After a year of marriage he began to get critical. Nothing I did was right. He became hostile and started to shut me out of his life never telling me what he was doing or where he was going. When he left the house he said- I'm not here now. He began critisising me to other people especially when I tried to get close to him and support him. He then stopped talking to me because he said I challenged him. I feel shut out and lonely. He has never hugged me in all the time I have known him and he boasts about this! He is mentally and emotionally cruel and my life at home has become a living hell. If I don't say anything to him he will not talk to me at all. If I try to tell him about my day he tells me that he is not interested. He is trying to destroy my self worth but I won't let him anymore.
—Ezez

I Walked Away

I was with my husband for 20 years.. i was thinking time would bring us closer but time just brought us apart.. i know he was seeing someone and i knew our time came to end.. very sad time.. apart of me wanted to stay and make it work but i knew i would have been doing all the work myself.. at the time i was 36 and i knew time wasn't on my side.. so i walked away.. the sad part was the kids
—Guest ava

Mental/ Emotional Abuse

I knew because I told my husband if he threatened to divorce me ever again I would end it, He used divorce as manipulation tactic. He is a mental terrorist. If you are in a relationship like that you know how hard it is to pinpoint what he does to abuse you. It's not like physical abuse where you can say " he hit me in my face". "That's what he did". In an emotionally abusive situation is harder to explain. Manipulation/ belittling is what I went through most. He would take bad childhood memories and repeat the cruel words or actions from my past. He even told me once" No wonder your dad beat you, you must have deserved it. ". He even threatened to take my dog away from me. He came from a miserable childhood and he took out all of his anger and resentment on me. So after years of the mind games, disrespect, lack of empathy, cruelty, belittling, narssasism & child like behavior, I decided that I had to choose between a life of misery or taking a chance at happiness.
—Guest Smartened up

Went from Spouses to Roommates

Married 20 years, virtually sexless last 12. Not for lack of me trying, though. Intimate 2-4 times a year, if lucky. Stay at home wife claimed lack of sex drive but stumbled upon cache of sex toys and lubes that she'd had for years hidden in some old luggage. She claimed that these were leftover from her bachlerotte party and just forgotten but they were of various vintages and states of wear and tear (hmm...one was wrapped in the hand towels we bought when we remodeled last year). No wonder she wasn't interested, she was wearing herself out while I was at work or on business trips! Then found deleted text messages between her and old flame so once last child is out of school, I"m gone.
—Guest No Connexion or Intimacy

My Life With The Wrong Person

Prior to divorcing, I had a problem. I had two beautiful kids that I wanted, a house on the lake that I wanted, many friends that I wanted, but I did not have the partner that I wanted. Furthermore, the person with whom I had chosen to build this life was a wonderful man, and I loved him. He was a great father and a good provider. We just were not right for each other. This was truly a battle, and one that I almost lost. I was torn. I kept asking myself, “What is wrong with me? Most women would kill to have the life with which I had been blessed, but I knew, and I felt that there was something missing. We had no connection. I fought very hard to get this connection back, as it was in the beginning. In my situation, it was just simply not meant to be. I prayed about it often. I went to sleep thinking about it, and I woke up thinking about it. It was my own personal hell. I turned away from my church because the church was telling me that I could not be me, and that divorce was
—Guest Amber Rodgers

I'm Separated

My wife is a alcoholic and she is violent with me and and her own children..I have a teenage daughter that cant be with me cuz she is always drinking..I left her and she don't let me get my stuff that I am paying for so I am turning them in to be repossess.I will be losing the house that I bought before we got married and I have her in the house contract and she cant afford nothing cause she drinks her money.I don't love her she cheats with other men while I stay home.I am not a drinker so she goes by herself..now its to many years and I need my happiness whether its with someone else or spend it with my daughter before she decides to get married....I am happy now that we are separate from each other and she stills is drinking......
—Guest Daniel

The Last Straw

I knew it was time to divorce when I couldn't look at him with respect again ..... he made our daughter CRY on her wedding day....take your alcohol and shove it......such a loser....no love left
—Guest freefalling22

I'm Done!

My response is very similar to "He doesn't bring me flowers". My husband is an incredibly good guy. But he just doesn't know how to be a good partner in a relationship. Our first year was horrible. We never talked, touched, had sex, had fun, laughed... nothing. He was in school, but that shouldn't be the excuse. He should have made time for me too. He doesn't know how to manage his time, even still. We went to counseling, and things got a little better, but it wasn't enough. The damage was done and very little has changed in 5 years since. We have a 'surprise' daughter now and it's just made things worse. Oh, and I was the one who made most of the income before. I'm working part time now so I can be with my little girl, he's full time, and I'm still lending him money!! He can't support us. And I won't be his mommy. I need to take care of me and my daughter. I'm just done.
—Guest Too little too late

He's Not The Man I Fell in Love With

He treats me so different than he did. I'm always last priority. Now his boss has a crush in him and all he cares about is work.
—Guest Alicia

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