From the article: Steps Involved in the Divorce Process
The steps we take during the divorce process don't often run smoothly. Once attorneys become involved the process can become riddled with conflict and strife. Others can learn from your experience! Share with us what you found most frustrating and how you dealt with issues that came up during difficult steps in your divorce. Share Your Experience
Still in process
- How to get through your soon to be ex's attorney defaming your character? There was no truth in the papers she sent to my attorney or spoke in front of the judge. How do they get away with this? I thankfully can prove that all allegations are false. But why does she want to set up a hostle environment?
- —Guest Lin
Don't Settle for Less
- First and most important...find a really good lawyer. It's so hard to find one that's not out for the money. Second, don't settle. If you have even an ouce of suspicion that something is being hidden, investigate it. Even if it turns out to be nothing, at least you know. I settled my case only to try to start closure and a new life. I still believe that my ex hid money and spent more on his credit cards for things that were not needed just to show he had debt (that we ended up splitting). So if you have any kind of doubt, I recommend you go for the full disclosure of all documents. I believe it's worth every last penny you spend because it can get expensive.
- —Guest Feeling Deprived
Child custody was toughest
- The divorce involved her control of our then-14-year-old son. Part of the divorce included a shrink for him. The shrink says he's "enmeshed" with her. She maintains a white-knuckle grip on his behavior, even though he's 17. She took him on vacation during my custodial weekend. After $3000 of attorney consultation, I got zippo in relief. It seems California courts aren't interested in the child's emotional well being: if my ex is not currently a convicted felon, she's a better parent than I am. The divorce was expensive, and resolved only the property. Child custody has been an ongoing issue. One left-over for me is that I'm not sure I can commit to anyone else because the possibly negative shake-out of a second relationship seems too onerous to let me commit. Oh, I've tried but I wouldn't recommend me to another woman; emotionally damaged goods might not make a good spouse again. I'm trying to come to grips with remaining alone. Ask again in a couple of years, OK?
- —riesdad
Get a good lawyer
- My ex stunned me by telling me he had filed for a divorce. It had never been discussed in our marriage of 30 years. Yes, he had a girl friend. My first letter from my attorney to him said let's be completely fair and I'll walk away. I had been a stay at home mom for 25 years and had no income. My now ex made great money. He didn't want to share it. It took a year and a half and over $100,000.00 in legal fees from both of us to come to an agreement. That went right up to trial. I gave up a lot to get it over with. Was it right? I don't know. I couldn't take it anymore. His lies had beaten me down. My best advise to anyone going through this is to find a great therapist/mediator and listen to them. The attorney's just want the money. I went to the best mediator is my state and put my counter offer to his on what she said. I also asked my attorney if he agreed. He did. They tend to run up the bill so be very careful.
- —SLD1
Nothing is easy
- My divorce was uncontested and I had prepaid legal so it was quite smooth, as far as possible. Prepaid legal does not cover difficult cases; just uncontested divorce, but it is well worth having. But, my son is in the middle of a very messy divorce and the biggest problem is child custody since his STBX has borderline personality disorder and is neglectful of the children - but hard to prove! Mental heath issues not only make it hard emotionally (especially with kids) but also very expensive!!!
- —Guest Debbie
LUCKY
- I was very lucky during my divorce. We had no minor children and he agreed to allow me to have the house (that had little equity), so we went with a lawyer service in our state and all was done by mail. We sat together and wrote out our own property settlement with no issue. He went to the bank and the car dealer to sign off on items that were now mine, and I did the same. I was very happy we were able to handle this as adults even though getting divorced was devastating. We left the hurt aside to get through the process without more stress than necessary.
- —Guest Guest-Lori
Get him out of house that I paid for
- What was truly a nightmare for me was that I brought this evil man into this country. He's from the UK. He conned me. One we bought a house with my money and his name was on it he started to show what he was and that was controlling, sneaky and evil. He wiretapped my home phone for two years, would bring his married girlfriend to my home when I was working, etc. But once I found out what I had truly married I fought like I had never fought anything in my life and he lost everything. He created the whole mess in the first place and then he lost me, a beautiful home and what could have been a great life. Ladies, don't marry foreigners. They usually have their own agendas.
- —Guest Denise
Everything was Complicated
- I was divorced 5 years ago and I still haven't been able to move on. I miss my ex-wife and daughter terribly. So much so I cannot commit 100% to a new relationship. I am mired in the past. They have moved on; I wither on the vine. Neither counseling nor anti-depressant medicines help. My significant other waits patiently. This is probably not the place to wail but then again, why not? Thanks and good luck to all.
- —PetersPan
Finding a good lawyer
- The hardest thing for me was finding the right lawyer. After that it was smooth going. It was much worse when I was having to deal with wife directly and once lawyers were involved things got better.
- —Guest Steve
