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Gray Divorce: Don't Let It Keep You Stuck

Gray Divorce

Change is uncomfortable, when it comes to a change that touches every aspect of your life there is no word to describe the emotional challenge one faces. 

Divorce Support Spotlight10

Will You Meet Your New Love Online?

Thursday April 17, 2014

Find Love OnlineMillions of people fire up their computers daily and surf online for love, it is something folks are doing but very few talk about. For some reason there is a bit of shame that comes along with finding love online for some.

The late Dr. Norval Glenn, a sociologist at the University of Texas at Austin, says, "There is a stigma associated with online dating. The stigma has lessened, but it is still there to some extent." He adds, "Internet dating serves a very important function. The traditional ways of getting people together certainly have broken down in recent decades. Most people are not beginning to search for a spouse until they are working and have lost contact with a lot of the people they knew in school or in college."

I have to ask...what better way to meet someone after a divorce than an online dating site? It is efficient, inexpensive and if done correctly it can be low risk and when single parenting, working and taking care of all that life throws your way what better way do us post-divorce singles have of meeting or finding a new relationship?

Be warned though, just like dating someone you meet at a mixer every experience you have with someone you meet online won't be a positive one. You will meet your share of players, flakes and crazies but with perseverance and resolve you can meet someone just like you...a person sincerely interested in making a long-lasting connection with a member of the opposite sex.

Online Dating Resources:

Divorce Quote: Beware the Greedy Attorney

Tuesday April 15, 2014

Greedy Divorce Attorney

The only ones getting rich off divorce are divorce lawyers. Some start planning strategies for prolonging your case the moment they read your financial disclosure. If there is money to be fought over it is the lawyer who will end up with most of your marital assets. Use your head when choosing a lawyer to handle your divorce and don't allow your anger at your ex cause you to become a victim of an unscrupulous lawyer.

More About Divorce Lawyers:

Alimony: Looks Like The “Reformers” Need to Reform

Sunday April 13, 2014

Alimony Reform Lies

As pointed out by this article, those pushing for alimony reform in New Jersey aren't letting the facts get in their way while pushing for changes in the state's alimony laws. Something anyone familiar with family law already knew.

Playing fast and loose with the facts keeps contributions coming in and as we all know, money talks. And, at times facts play a small part in the outcome of legislative decisions.

Scary!

Alimony Reform Fabrication:

"Permanent alimony is presumed in all cases and mandated in marriages of greater than 15 years."

Fact:

New Jersey doesn't have a presumption of alimony, there is no such law on record in the state. Alimony is handled on a case-by-case situation.

Alimony Reform Fabrication:

"A modification based on changed circumstances such as loss or reduction of employment or diminished health is impossible to obtain."

Fact:

Give me a break!! Just as with child support, alimony can be modified for change of circumstance. Again, no such law on the books in New Jersey or elsewhere.

However, alimony can't be modified if it is written into the final decree of divorce that it can't be modified. Why would someone sign such a limiting agreement? And if there is such an agreement then it isn't state law that is keeping that person from being able to modify. It is their foolishness for agreeing to that stipulation that is the problem.

For more fabrications and facts click through to the article.

Sexual Anorexia: The Cause of Your Sexless Marriage?

Monday April 7, 2014

sexless marriage

I first heard the term "sexual anorexia" the several months ago while watching "Strange Sex" on the Learning Channel. A show that was equally strange and interesting.

I lived in a sexless marriage so my interest is always piqued when it comes to the subject of sex or an aversion to sex. I think any of us with an average sex drive who have been exposed to a relationship with a person who is asexual will always wonder, "how can that be possible?"

I've written about passive aggressive behavior and the role it can play in a sexless marriage.  I've written about hormonal issues in both men and women and the role that can play in a sexless marriage.  Sexual anorexia is not a disorder I am familiar with and wanted to get more information about.  For my sake and the sake of readers who may be dealing with a sexless marriage.

What did I find out?

After a bit of research I found that sexual anorexia is much like passive aggressive behavior in that it is the avoidance or fear of an intimate connection with another person. The person with sexual anorexia avoids sex at all cost and uses that avoidance as a coping mechanism against past emotional hurts.

The one difference between the sexual anorexic and the passive aggressive who avoids sex is that the sexual anorexic becomes obsessed and uses their avoidance to deal with all stress and frustrations.

The passive aggressive focuses on withholding sex to punish whereas the sexual anorexic avoids sex in order to keep safe in social, emotional, relational and sexual situations.

Sexual anorexia is an obsessive state in which the physical, mental, and emotional task of avoiding sex dominates one's life.  The more the sexual anorexic avoids sexual contact the more powerful and in control they feel.

It only makes sense that feeling powerful due to a lack of sex would cause a person to become obsessed with avoiding sex.  Below are a few characteristics you will find in the sexual anorexic.

All are characteristics that were, more than likely caused by an exposure of the sexual anorexic to social, religious or familial views that negatively supported sexual oppression and repression.

  • A dread of sexual pleasure.
  • A morbid and persistent fear of sexual contact.
  • Obsession and hyper vigilance around sexual matters.
  • Avoidance of anything connected with sex.
  • Preoccupation with others being sexual.
  • Rigid, judgmental attitudes about sexual.
  • Shame and self-loathing over sexual experiences.

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