If you are into celebrities and keeping up with what is going on in their love lives then you've heard that Heidi Klum and Seal have separated.

Not a big shock when you consider their celebrity status. A big shock when you consider the public image they cultivated. They were the couple of who gave lavish anniversary parties every year and repeated their vows. They were the couple who had no problem displaying affection in public.

It would seem they are the couple who pulled the wool over everyone's eyes.

According to TMZ Heidi is "bidding "auf wiedersehen" to Seal's explosive temper. TMZ notes that Klum's decision has been a long time coming, and stems from concern over her children's exposure to Seal's anger management issues."

The Times of India is also reporting, "Seal's "hard partying and clubbing with friends" reportedly led to Seal spending less time with Heidi and their kids.

None of us can know what Heidi means by "explosive temper" but whether you are a celebrity or an average couple, anger, yelling and screaming should never be tolerated. If this was going on in their marriage I have to wonder why a woman of Heidi's means would stay so long.

I received a reader email recently from a woman who has lived in an abusive marriage for nearly 20 years. What I found interesting was her admission that the relationship had been abusive before marriage and that she knew on her wedding day that she was "making a big mistake."

She wanted me to tell her "why" she had made the choice to marry someone who abused her and "why" she had stayed. I had to ask myself the same questions after reading her email. Why do some people choose to remain in relationships that are unhealthy?

What I found most disturbing about her emails to me was her inability to take responsibility for the choices she had made. She chose to marry someone who abused her. She chose to stay in a marriage with an abuser.

I have a simplistic view of these situations. Or I should say, some of these situations. I realize that domestic abuse is a complicated problem but I also know that the longer you stay in an abusive relationship the more complicated the problem becomes.

My theory is, if you want to stop domestic violence leave the moment you became aware of the fact that you are being abused. There is no excuse for someone hitting you so don't make excuses. In the majority of cases there is no hope of the abuser changing so don't hang around and hope for change.

The longer you stay in an abusive relationship the more ammunition you give the abuser. The longer you stay the easier it is for the abuser to whittle away at your self-worth, self-esteem and ability to resist their tactics.

After some thought and a conversation with a friend who is a therapist I think I figured out "why" this woman and other victims stay in abusive relationships. They want the abuse to stop but they also want the relationship.

They put the need to be in the relationship before their own need for safety. What they don't realize is that there will come a day when their need for safety outweighs their need for the relationship. When that day comes they have lost the ability to simply walk away.

For some stopping domestic violence is simply a matter of valuing the relationship you have with yourself over the relationship you have with another person.

I have an answer to a question quite a few of you may be asking yourself. I know I get plenty of reader emails asking me, "why is my ex so unwilling to negotiate and compromise?" It is a question I've asked myself about my ex.

According to a study by Anne Wietzker, of Ghent University in Belgium you can expect different behaviors during divorce proceedings based on whether or not your ex feels guilt or shame.

Evidently guilt "appears to be more pro-social, in that it leads to better problem-solving and more reasonable negotiation." In other words, if your ex feels guilt over leaving he/she will go out of their way to redeem themselves by relieving the pain the divorce has caused you.

On the other hand, "the stronger a person's feelings of shame, the more conflict-avoiding and/or forcing or intimidating behavior the person will show." The divorcing spouse who feels shame is more likely to engage in pro-longed divorce litigation and use threats and scare tactics to get what they want.

Basically, the spouse who feels shame has no shame. Not when it comes to the way they behave during a divorce anyway.  Or, the more worthless and incompetent your ex feels about their behavior the worse the divorce process will be for you.

So, next time friends tell you your ex is being a jerk because of  "guilt" you can correct them and tell them you wish that was the problem.

The key to surviving your spouse's sexual addiction is to not only focus on getting the addict treatment but, also seeking treatment for yourself.

I know a woman whose husband is an alcoholic. It is her belief that she doesn't need to seek help for herself because he is the one with the "problem." Sex addiction, just like any other addiction causes emotional pain and devastation in the lives of those who love them. The addict may be the one with the "problem" but you can't respond to the problem without first getting your ducks in a row.

Whether your marriage survives your spouse's negative behavior or not you will want to.  To do so you need to educate yourself about the problem, seek a support group, align yourself with a therapist, set firm boundaries about what is and isn't acceptable behavior and, detach, detach, detach.