1. People & Relationships
Cathy Meyer

Top 6 Signs of Impending Divorce

By January 1, 2009

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Most couples end up in divorce court because they wait until it is too late to get the help needed to save their marriage. Not dealing with marital problems can mean a build up of resentment; hurt feelings and can cause one spouse to emotionally detach from the other. Below are six signs that you may have waited too long to save your marriage.

1. You Often Dream About a Life Without Your Spouse:
Thinking about how much better life would be if you were divorced is common. It happens during times of marital strife to most. What is not normal is if you find yourself fantasizing about divorce often. This is a sign that you are stuck in an unpleasant situation and you are unable to find a solution. It's a for sure sign that you need to seek marital therapy before it is too late.

2. The Bad in The Marriage Outweighs The Good:
If the negative outweighs the good in your marriage, your marriage is in trouble and in need of help. If there is more trouble than paradise, you need to get help in learning how to confront the issues causing the problems in the marriage.

3. You Keep Things to Yourself:
Do you find yourself dreading talking to your spouse about marital problems or life in general? Communication is an important way to relieve stress and build a healthier bond between couples. If you don't feel comfortable communicating with your spouse this could be a sign that you feel a lack of trust in your spouse. A marriage can't survive where there are issues of trust.

4. Your Defense Mechanisms May be Setting You Up For Trouble:
If either of you are overly defensive, dismissive of the other's feelings, show contempt for the other's beliefs or engaging in stonewalling tactics you are at high risk for divorce. When conflict is avoided or negative defense mechanisms are engaged when trying to deal with conflict you are not allowing healthy conflict resolution. It can be the kiss of death for a marriage.

5. You Feel Like You are The Only One Trying to Solve Problems:
Are you frustrated because every time you try to discuss marital problems your spouse pulls away from you? Maybe you have tried to the point that you no longer care and you are the one distancing themselves from the marriage. It isn't uncommon for either spouse to withdraw if they feel the issues in the marriage are being avoided by the other spouse. Eventually one or the other spouse will shut down all together and no longer be interested in solving the marital problems.

6. You Rarely, if Ever Have Sex:
Maybe one of you wants sex and the other doesn't. Maybe you have both stopped needing that intimate connection with each other. Whatever the reason, a marriage that lacks sexual intimacy and affection will either end up in divorce or end up being a marriage of convenience. One in which you stay for the sake of the children or because you are afraid of change.

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