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Cathy Meyer

Extra-Marital Affair: There's no Doubt, You're in Deep...

By February 4, 2013

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"The lights are on, but you're not home, you're mind, is not your own,
Your heart sweats, your body shakes, another kiss, is what it takes.
You can't sleep, you can't eat, there's no doubt, you're in deep.
Your throat is tight, you can't breathe, another kiss, is all you need."

There isn't a better description to the intoxicating and addictive qualities of a love affair than the lyrics to Robert Palmer's Addicted to Love. If you are involved in an extra-marital affair and can't break free, you might as well face it you're "addicted to love." Or, lust that is being mistaken for love. It is that addiction that keeps you going back for more. It is that addiction that keeps your spouse confused and conflicted and wondering if the marriage will survive your irrational behavior.

My advice? Let go, give it up cold turkey and do the rational thing for yourself and your marriage.

Comments
February 11, 2013 at 2:15 pm
(1) Mary says:

That might be good advice if there was any hope to save the marriage. But what if the spouse had long years ago turned away from the “wanderer”? When it was clear that I would not have any more children, he made a choice, over 25 years ago, to end ALL physical contact with me. Five children are now grown, and after 35 years, I feel no guilt in finding some comfort as I contemplate my future. Plese tell me if you think I am wrong.

February 11, 2013 at 2:18 pm
(2) will says:

But what if your where already unhappy in the marriage. isnt that the first reason one would cheat and have an affair? should you forget about the love Affair and go back to the marriage just for security? if your marraige was good and happy you would never have strayed .. right?? !!

February 11, 2013 at 2:21 pm
(3) will says:

sounds like you are contemplating as I am.. if your marriage was good you never would have need comfort somewhere else !! same for me :( do I stay for security> I have neen a stay mone mom for 30 years.. now what ? I want out but how. i dont know

February 12, 2013 at 12:58 am
(4) Confused says:

my sentiments exactly..
Only a partner knows its partner and no one can ever tell if someone is in a great marriage or what.
Yeah me too, i want to get out but how?
:(
sometimes it’s just so sad that you found the right one at a wrong time :(

February 12, 2013 at 3:55 pm
(5) Really? says:

GO HOME – work on your marriage. You did not get married so that YOU would be happy – you were happy so you got married! Go home and work on your marriage!

February 13, 2013 at 11:13 am
(6) MSA says:

@really? Sorry, not catching the pun here

But, everyone else: this is mostly the case. There are exceptions though. What if you found the right one at the wrong timing, then you broke up? It feels like limbo, but maybe he was here to show me the truth somehow. I tried to work things out in my marriage only to discover I’ve been married to a narcissist who verbally and emotionally abused me for years and kept me metaphorically blindfolded so I don’t see his reality. I was cut off from friends and family in a hidden subtle way. Now, I’m not with the other man either, separated and I don’t regret it. I just saw the light and I want out of that prison for good

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