1. People & Relationships
Cathy Meyer

When Men are Victims of Domestic Abuse

By March 11, 2013

Follow me on:


I'm a Bravo TV fan, I'll admit it right out of the gate. I never miss an episode of Top Chef or the Real Housewife series. I've not seen an episode of Vanderpump Rules but did watch part one of the reunion show.

I wasn't impressed with the group of young adults who are suppose to represent what most young adults are up to these days. The more I watched, the less impressed I became. In fact, the more I watched the more enraged I became. The reunion show focused most of the attention on Stacci and Jax, a couple who once dated and are now broken up.

Interesting details about their relationship came out. Details like the fact that Stacci had hit Jax and broken his nose. When confronted by this fact, Stacci asked Jax, "Did you deserve it?" That question was troubling enough on its own. The host's response to the question was more troubling because there was no response.

A woman asked a man "did you deserve" to be hit and there was no reaction from the host or anyone else on the show. Imagine what the reaction would have been if a man had asked a woman the same question? There would be outrage over the fact that a man had hit a woman. I doubt seriously that any man who had openly admitted to breaking a woman's nose would have been included in that cast of Bravo characters.

For some reason though Bravo feels it is appropriate to gloss over the fact that a female cast member thinks her boyfriend deserved a broken nose. Bravo is perpetuating what abused men live with, a lack of care and concern from those in a position to make a difference in societies skewed views of what is and isn't domestic abuse.

When most people think of physical and/or psychological abuse they tend to think of women as the victims. Yet, the National Institute of Justice and the Center for Disease Control estimates that 1.5 million women and 835,000 men are the victims of domestic violence each year.

Yes, women are abused more often than men BUT that doesn't take away from the fact that men can be victims of domestic abuse. This is a fact that many in our society choose to ignore or gloss over. Due to all the attention that abuse of women garners, men can be left with feelings of shame and with nowhere to turn when they find themselves physically assaulted by a wife or relationship partner.

Find out more about men as the victims of domestic abuse, why it happens, whether or not abuse is happening to you and where you can turn to for help if you are a victim of abuse. And, if you are ever in Jax's situation please understand that it is not OK for a woman to hit, slap or in any way abuse you.


March 12, 2013 at 8:45 am
(1) D. A. Wolf says:

I also saw this show, and my jaw dropped when that exchange took place – and the fact that he “agreed” that he deserved it.

No one “deserves” to be hit. Ever.

There were other extremely disturbing facts that came out on the show and the disrespectful way these young adults speak to each other not to mention treat each other in casual hookups as well as more “serious” relationships.

In my opinion, this is a very poor example to put in front of the viewing audience unless there are lessons made of these behaviors that are extraordinarily harmful to both sexes.

Thank you for raising this issue. Abuse is never acceptable.

March 18, 2013 at 1:31 pm
(2) samson says:

Abuse is abuse. All because you are a guy and you are getting abused it doesn’t mean you should have your rights waived. If a person is abusive to another person there should be consequences regardless of gender….

March 20, 2013 at 8:31 pm
(3) Dave says:

When my wife slapped my wrist, and later grabbed my arm in order to keep me from changing the radio station– while I was driving–(all in front of my daughters), I should have beaten her to a bloody pulp. Instead I chose to model nonviolence in front of my children.

Despite that, she later got me kicked out of the house. I still haven’t hit her back.

Leave a Comment

Line and paragraph breaks are automatic. Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title="">, <b>, <i>, <strike>

©2014 About.com. All rights reserved.