It is an understatement to say that debt can have a negative aspect on a person’s life. Stress over debt has a negative impact on a person both physically and emotionally.
If your debts have mounted it is constantly on your mind. It is hard to live life the way you want when you feel overwhelmed with the amount of money you owe others.
Couple the stress a person feels over debt with marital problems and you have a recipe for crisis…midlife crisis. All relationships are influenced by outside factors and one of the most prevalent is money issues. If things aren’t going well financially you can bet your marriage will suffer.
Take the marriage of Mark and Connie. Mark was a high-ranking officer in the military. Connie was a stay at home mother of three. Connie and Mark had built and moved into their dream home. They drove two expensive cars and both thought their children deserved only the best.
Needless to say, Mark and Connie were drowning in debt. They had a mortgage payment, two car payments, credit card debt and the bills were only mounting. Both were feeling anxious about their financial situation. The one with the most anxiety was Mark though.
Mark was the “bread winner.” In his mind he was the one responsible and the burden of that responsibility and the financial problems lead to a deep depression, problems with anxiety and feelings of hopelessness.
Instead of going to Connie and talking to her about his overwhelming negative feelings he tried to come up with a solution to the problem on his own. Guess what happens when someone who is depressed and suffering anxiety tries to come up with a logical solution to a problem? It only leads to a bigger problem!
Mark began to fear not being able to work. His symptoms of depression and anxiety were worsening and he was terrified of getting to the point of no longer being able to pay the bills. It got to a point that paying the bills became more important than the family.
Mark began to look for a way out that didn’t have anything to do with the best interest of the family but relief of the overwhelming emotions he was feeling. The more Mark thought, the more illogical his thought processes became.
He finally concluded that if it weren’t for his wife and family he would not be so deep in debt. He thought to himself, “If I had never married her and had children with her I would not be in the mess I’m in today.”
I think you know where such thoughts lead…full-blown midlife crisis. Mark convinced himself that his life to date had all been a mistake. That he had been living for his wife and children instead of himself and it was time he got what he wanted out of life.
He left his family, filed for divorced, aimed all his anger at his wife and like a bull in a China shop, Mark ended up destroying everything that was once important to him. Instead of talking to his wife, seeing a doctor about his emotional health and finding a solution that would benefit everyone, Mark tore apart everything so he could have some relief.
Mark’s story is a common one. Men and women who are pushed to the edge emotionally by outside influences will snap. If their level of discomfort becomes to great for them to tolerate they will wreak havoc on all around in search of comfort.
If you and your spouse are dealing with stress over mounting debt do yourself a favor and work together to find a solution to your problem. Many women who are stay at home moms get into the habit of thinking their husband is in charge of the finances. When financial problems arise, they leave it to their husband to deal with alone.
Don’t make the mistake of thinking that marital finances is not the responsibility of both wife and husband. Marriage is about working together as a team. Doing so means you both reap the rewards and stave off any possibility of overwhelming stress due to debt.
