To move on after divorce you need to be open to new experiences, new ways of looking at things and new relationships. You need to take an active role in rebuilding your life, not sit and wait for a new life to come to you.
It isn't a good idea to force yourself to do things before you are reading. There are steps you can take to plant the seeds of a new life and cultivate them into a better existence. Here are some suggestions on how to get started.
- Have a positive attitude. Hope in what is to come in life is essential to moving on. Look forward with hope instead of backward with resentment. A bad attitude keeps you closed off and does not promote new ways of approaching life.
If you find you are having problems with depression and coping with the loss of your marriage seek professional help. Hang around with positive people. People who have satisfying lives and model their behavior.
- Stay away from triggers. You may find that some places, people or things trigger negative memories of your marriage and divorce. As much as is possible stay clear of these things.
If there are situations you can't avoid, then try and make new, happy memories to replace the bad ones. Change holiday traditions or add new ones, socialize with old friends in new places or redecorate your bedroom.
- Do something different. Develop new interests, get out and try new things. The more new activities you participate in the more your identity as a single person will form.
- Reach out to others. The potential for growth is phenomenal if you can step outside your own problems and help others. Do some volunteer work with the homeless. You might even volunteer to run a divorce support group. Sharing what you have learned with others can open your eyes to just how far you have come in your own recovery. You may be further along in the process than you even realized!
- Don't hold onto anger. If you spend more time thinking about how to get even than you do, how to get over it you will stay stuck in the anger. An angry person is not an attractive person. No one wants to be around someone who is bitter and resentful. That anger will push others away and you will find yourself building walls that keep others away instead of rebuilding a life that draws others toward you.
- Stay open to finding love again. Once you determine that you are ready for a new relationship stay open to the idea of finding a new love. Life is so much more rewarding when shared with someone else. Most of us want an intimate connection and a loving, trusting relationship. Go out and find that for yourself!
If you are stuck in a dead - end job find a new one. A new job that challenges you to grow is wonderful for a person's attitude.
Join a local singles group. Interacting with other singles will keep you from feeling alone. Just make sure they are happy singles.
Take a class or, go back and finish your degree or, get another degree. Intellectual stimulation will help broaden your horizons.