When the dust settles and life gets back to normal, you will find yourself with thoughts of dating. You may miss the companionship of the opposite sex and we all know that developing a new relationship means dating.
If you jump back in with both feet you may find that dating isn’t like “riding a bike.” If it’s been a while since you have dated you are going to need to fine tune those old dating skills a bit. Dating after divorce is a daunting experience. So, I’ve put together some tips on how to help you get back into the dating game and enjoy your new found freedom.
- Leave the details of your divorce at home.
Nothing is more unattractive than prattling on and on about the problems in your past relationship. The subject is bound to come up and when it does keep it brief and focus your attention on your date and having a good time in that moment. You can be open and honest with your date without spilling your guts.
- Be yourself.
Relax and let the real you shine. Dating is about getting to know the other person. Finding out if that person has traits we like and whether or not we care for a second date. Keep in mind that your date is probably anxious also and wanting to make a good impression. Be yourself and encourage your date to do the same. Smiling and enjoying the moment is contagious and before you know it, you both will be at ease with the situation.
- It’s a date, not a therapy session.
If you’ve been through a divorce, especially after a long term marriage then you have probably been to therapy. Maybe you learned in therapy that your insecurities in relationships stems from the fact that you learned to avoid conflict as a child and that your mother is a narcissist. This might all be interesting to you but be assured; your date will only think you nuts if you share too much information. Keep it between yourself and your therapist.
- Show some interest.
Pay attention to your date, get to know the person you are having dinner with. Ask questions and listening with genuine interest. Nothing is more flattering to another individual than knowing what they have to say matters. The more questions you ask, the more knowledge you will gain which will help in determining whether or not there will be a second date.
- Don’t get too serious.
Date for the sake of dating. Give yourself the opportunity to meet new people and have some fun before looking for your next serious relationship. It will keep you from jumping out of the frying pan into the fire!
- Ending the date.
How the date ends is up to you. Whether to kiss at the end of the date or ask your date to sleep over is totally your call. Do what feels right for you and your date. At the end of the date if all you want is to flag down a taxi and head for home then you are free to make that choice. However it ends, remember to be courteous at the end of the night. We are all human and deserve respect no matter how the date goes.
The key to successful post divorce dating is to have fun with it. You have to let go of the past and give yourself permission to be happy with life as it is and yourself. You are an attractive, worthy individual who deserves the attention and fun. Get out and enjoy yourself!