If you divorced due to domestic abuse, you are more likely to attract people with abusive personalities. How do you protect yourself from a dating relationship with a potential abuser? You pay attention to the red flags!
Below is a list of behaviors commonly found in abusers. If there is something off, something not right in your dating relationship pay attention to these signs of potential abuse.
Is he/she full of the “green eyed monster?” If you can’t look at or talk to a member of the opposite sex without generating suspicions of cheating, this is a sign of trouble. Some find this kind of attention flattering. It isn’t so flattering when it gets to the point that you are being alienated from friends, family and work associates. Don’t be flattered, be careful.
A control freak is going to pick the movie you go to, the restaurant you dine at and in some cases what you wear when you go out. If he/she needs to have the last word they will eventually be attempting to control every aspect of your life. Control freaks can become emotionally, verbally and physically abusive.
The victim’s life is a mess and it is all someone else’s fault. If he doesn’t pay his child support it is because of something his ex wife has done. If she is broke all the time it isn’t because she doesn’t know how to budget money, it has to be because the world isn’t paying her the living she is worth. It won’t be long before you will be blamed for some negative aspect of their life.
- Emotionally Unavailable :
This person can only connect in superficial ways. He says he will call you on Sunday but you don’t hear from him until Wednesday. She won’t commit to a date on Saturday night…says she will let you know if she is “free.” If you are dating someone who can’t commit to a phone call or date, you can bet they can’t commit to you emotionally. They are the nastiest kind of emotional abuser.
- Unrealistic Expectations:
He/she is perfect and expects the same from you. Only problem, no one can live up to their unrealistic expectations of perfection. In the end you find that they are far from perfect and are very unforgiving of your imperfections.
They want you all to themselves. He/she comes on heavy to begin with. You feel loved and adored because this person wants to spend all their free time with you. It isn’t that they want to spend time with you, they don’t want you spending time with anyone else.
This is the person who will eventually isolate you from friends and family. He/she will be checking your email account and phone cell to see who you are communicating with. You belong to this person and time or attention spent on anyone else is a threat to them.
He/she considers everything you say to be negative criticism. If you share your feelings you will be accused of “berating” him/her. Life is full of inequities and this person thinks it is life out to get him/her. Unless you want to spend time stroking the ego of another adult, move on from a relationship with the hyper-sensitive.
- Odd Sexual Behavior:
He wants a threesome, you don’t. Only problem, what he wants is more important than what you want. This person thinks that if you don’t have the same sexual appetite or desires something is wrong with you. They get a thrill out of pushing their sexual agenda regardless of how uncomfortable it causes you to feel.
If other’s beliefs and values differ from his/hers they are judged negatively. This person expects you to adhere to their religious, political and moral values. In other words, you don’t have the right to think and form your own beliefs and opinions on life. If you have a healthy self-image and ego, a relationship with this person won’t last long.
- Alcohol or Drug Abuse:
Unless you are co-dependent you are going to recognize the danger of a relationship with an alcoholic or drug abuser. This person doesn’t function in reality and they want you to join them in their alternate universe, one fueled by alcohol and drugs.
Most people who find themselves in a long term relationship with this type person stay because they think they can change them. You can’t change the unhealthy behaviors of an addict, only they can.
If you find yourself avoiding certain conversation, constantly apologizing or making excuses for his/her behavior then you may be in a dating relationship you should not continue. You are divorced; the goal is to find a new relationship that has a chance of lasting. That means paying attention to warning signs and your gut. If something feel wrong, then more than likely something is wrong.