That was her
- After 24 yrs of marriage I was miserable. I had a beautiful wife, 2 beautiful boys, a dog a house in the burbs, what was not to be happy about. I had a spouse who never wanted couple time, withheld sex, always said one thing then would do the opposite of that. I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong. I was the doting husband, wined and dined her, would do anything. The one term I did say over and over actions speak louder than words. Finally after some counseling and a bad divorce where she tried to have me diagnosed by two separate shrinks as bipolar, I left her and the tragedy is everyone thinks I am to blame as her outward portrayal to the world is this sweet little woman who wouldn't hurt anyone. Luckily I have since remarried and found a woman who knows what a real relationship and partnership is all about.
- —dkschmidt
I never realised
- I've been married for 7 years, been with my partner for 13. I'm going to be leaving him very soon and have been feeling guilty. After all he hasn't hit me, hasn't cheated on me, he's been nothing but wonderful to me. Really? After reading these stories I've realised this is what I've been on the receiving end of. When I go out, I get the silent treatment. He never asks how my friends are (he has none of his own) and forgets who they are. He 'tells me off' for my behaviour. He has been in a job he hates for years but doesn't do anything to change it. He critiscises everyone, doesn't trust anyone, can't understand why I do. When I was twice, but two different men, sexually harrassed in the street he exclaimed 'why do these things happen to you?' - not 'are you alright?'. Everything is my fault. When I try to bring up our problems he turns the tables and I end up feeling like rubbish because I'm made to feel guilty. Enough. I've had enough.
- —Guest Enough
Behavior of PA Husband
- Reading other experiences is very helpful. My husband of 20+ years definitely fits the passive personality trait. The aggressive part of that came to light over the last 4-5 years. Our marriage got seriously derailed and since I felt certain that there wasn't any way to get it back on tracks, I spoke to him about divorce. That's when it got ugly and he turned the tables on me with the aggressive side. He emotionally fell apart and made threats of what he would do to himself we divorced. His emotional pleas seemed to work as his manipulation in many areas of his life. Women seem to feel sorry for him. He seems to get attention that way. The interesting thing is now he says that I'm controlling and want him to behave in a certain way. Can't even believe that he has flipped the tables so I'm the bad one. It seems to be a no win situation. Thought about couples counseling but he presents himself as the victim and I'm just the bad mate. Not sure if it's worth the stress.
- —wifeofpaman
Empowered by secrecy
- I think what empowers these PA's is secrecy. Around other people they act so mature and caring, but when nobody is around they get nasty.I suggest setting up a video camera. catch them in the act. make a copy of the video, then show it to them. dont tell them you have a copy just yet. they will attack you for capturing their immaturity on video, but theyre attacking you cause theyre afraid everyone will find out who they really are. they know you have the upperhand. after they destroy the video, you can smile and tell them you have many more copies. And if they continue their childishness, everyone will hear about it. These people need to be held accountable for their actions. Their selfishness will force them to tuck tail and consider their choices. I told my wife (the PA) I would go to a couple in our church who also happens to be her hair salon clients. She demanded that I had better not. I told her if she abused me again I would not hesitate to call. The house is very quiet lately.
- —Guest Tony
just realized what PA is thanks
- I've been married for 12 yrs and together for 14. I met my wife as she was on her way out of her first marriage. And fell completely in love with her. She had two young sons 5 and 3 at the time. Her divorce was terrible it lasted 7 yrs with every possible motion filed and every possible evaluatuon completed. We were all subjected to physcological evaluations by the end and she was described as having a passive aggresive personality. At the time I didn't know what that meant and I was not allowed in the court room to hear the dicussions but she told me it meant she was able to be easily influenced. I believed her. I was her rock,I went bankrupt,begged borrowed and stole to finance her needs through the whole thing.she told me I was her soul mate,she would never leave me. As soon as it was over she started turning on me,denying I ever helped her,she had an affair and when I confronted her she accused me of having problems and lied to the police to have me arrested for DV.It was dropped
- —Guest tony
My Husband is a PA Sniper
- My husband and I have been married going on 45 years. He has all the characteristics of a PA. I have talked to him so many times about how his behavior affects me. He listens with a blank stare on his face and denies he did or said that. He went to therapy once and for a time it seemed like he had changed then began the same things over again. He is a sniper. He gets me around family members or strangers in stores, etc, and puts me down. I never see it coming and I know he does this because I am not going to make a scene at those times so I am defenseless in his mind. I am going on 64. I have talked to him so many times about how his behavior effects me and once he even went to therapy but still nothing changes. I am tired of his sniping me in front of others, his blank look when I try to talk to him so I have made up my mind to just leave. I want peace in the years I have remaining. He just gets worse with age and with us together all the time it's unbearable. I'm too old to care now.
- —Guest No Longer Care
My PA husband
- 30 years married-He got up in the middle of the night after what I thought of as making love , he said that was just sex and I never saw him again. I never realized how hard I worked at my marriage until he left -after my shattered heart began to mend and I started to see more clearly. This is abuse of untold proportions. thank you for this site that I now know that I am not alone. I truly loved my husband and never saw this coming.
- —Guest shattered in NY
Pa Boyfriend who uses infant against me
- I became preg. by my boyfriend. We broke up and then I discovered I was expecting. At the time I was living in a different state.against my better judgement I moved out of state to include dad. Well found out he had been in touch with his x behind my back through emails and he even saw her once. (found out after I gave birth) He claimed they were friends. There were a slew of reasons I wanted to leave that was the icing on the cake. So I tell him I want to move home his response is "go home and make yourself happy" then 2 weeks later serves me with papers to take custody of our infant son. He had a supporting affidavit that was totally false..Guess what he says I drove him to do it. According to him if I would just accept how much he loves me and no one would love me more then he wouldn't have to take the baby. I am over 700 miles from my family, I have custody of the baby until the final hearing where we go in front of judge. He can't accept he faults. says I drove him
- —lillie123
Is she?
- My now ex girfriend would never follow through on things like she said she would.When we first met there was another guy she had gone on a couple of dates with but nothing serious.When she and I deceided to have a relationship she said she would let him know so he could move on. But she never did and he called while we were in bed one day.It got very ugly when I confronted her about it. I thought she had told him.I also found out she was in contact with an ex online although she said they did not talk.I get blamed for feeling betrayed by the lie and she just goes on with her life...Is she P.A.? I don't really know. Keith
- —mrpage
This is my husband
- This is my husband.I have been married for 15 yrs and he has cheated 10x and moved out because I confronted him about it each time. The reason he gave for leaving was that I was just too negative and instead of focusing on what he is doing I should be trying to finds ways to take better care of him and helping him to build his business. They must have used him as their subject to do the study.
- —Guest Peaceplease
have had enough
- boy reading all this other stories. so many fit my situation on the dot. my husband is very passive aggressive. he criticizes me so much,emotionally and verbally abuses me big time and denies doing wrong in all ways. things dont work out its my fault. it my fault he doesnt have a job,cant do this or that,expect me to do what he wants,go where he wants and when yet he wont go or do what i suggest,need or want to do. it was getting to where i couldnt even go to the store by myself.he had to take me everywhere. he moved out in december for the third time since 2006. this time i filed a divorce and he has been served. i dont know if i can ever let him back in my life. he insists there is no one else out there who would love me like him and that im the one that will grow old and lonely.i dont think so. im doing just fine right now. his own family doesnt even acknowledge me whether he is here or not. i know he had all his move outs planned. makes me wonder what was really going on. no more
- —sparky09
The next day
- She often does this: Something unpleasant will happen that needs to be resolved. She will go silent and not be interested in resolving anything. Then the next day when I ask how she is doing she tells me what a fantastic time she had without me the day before. In other words she turns her back on any problems or real issues in the relationship and runs away into her own private little pleasures. In this way she lets me know how she really feels about me: She's not interested in my s... Not interested in my feelings, my needs, nor our relationship. She has better things to do.
- —Guest After effected
Understanding PA
- He doesn’t even get his own medications taken care of. I feel like he resents me when he totally ignores any requests I make. I can ask for the simplest of tasks and he will agree and not do it. I feel like as long as I keep giving and doing he’ll let me. He shows compassion and appreciation for very brief (if at all) periods of time He ignores me or just sleeps to the point that I am angry and hurt and he’ll accuse me of not saying hello or goodbye He is able to accomplish tasks that are important to him down to the smallest detail. If it is a task for the good of the whole that needs to be completed I may as well do it myself and avoid the resentment He will not maintain cars, houses or anything that requires consistent taking care of. He will mow the lawn but will ignore repeated requests to make the lawn look nice or picking up the poop in the yard. He takes the trash out (70% of the time) so he’s doing his part… He puts his clothes wherever they land. He locks himself i
- —Guest myrna
All men???
- 90+ % of the responses have been from women about PA men. I believe there's as many pa women , I suppose men are less tuned in to behavior problems. My current girlfirend (thank god I didn't marry her) is a classic. Late for everything. (NEVER ON TIME) . Procrastinates , one result are late charges on bills. (credit card companies fault). Starts things rarely, finishes never. Complains constantly and has a headache, backache or elbow or cold constantly. Prattles incoherently or is catatonic Doesn't have a nice thing to say about anyone . Doesn't have any friends and doesn't get along with her sisters, or parents or any relatives. Never agrees with anything, If I say "Nice Day" in a clear sunlight day. Her response will be "I heard rain is on the way. That's just just a few items that come to mind. I want to see some more mens responses.
- —Guest wheelen15
why do they respond with mean attitude ?
- I hesitate to show my husband any physical or emotional love as he seems to take it a weakness on my part. He has all the characteristic of a narcissist etc. and I so want to have a fun life now that we are in our late 70's, but it seems too much for me as he can't do as much physical as me, although I have problems also. I like to nurture , very much so, but with no kids or pets now, I feel lonesome for it. If I show any type of nurturing, I can count on him being sulky. He also is very manipulative and sneaky , spending without my knowledge also. Our kids blame me for his irrissponsible ways, but talking to him does no good. They say I let him, so I get firm and even yell at him and it just gives him reason to be worse. I think he wants me to lose my temper. Now, I am crying a lot. I need help as I want to do right. I want someone to talk with and know me.
- —Guest e smith
