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Readers Respond: How Did You Learn That Your Spouse Was Cheating?

Responses: 206

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cheating husband

cheated a year ago. cheating signs showing up again. found underwear with blood stains. what do i do?
—Guest cynni

I think my husband cheating

I saw something on his phone bills that he sent text to someone else regular...he working getting in weird time......and right now i am feeling like half dead half alive - i am 22 year old and my husband is 35 year old - what should i do from now......its just what i am thinking or its real happened that he cheat on me?
—Guest Cathy

She stated take it for love

My wife never used the phone so much, and although there was some time i took her for granted i have been trying to make up for it but it seems i am too late because after looking through her phone she cried for me to give it back. She has never cried about anything. I asked myself what could i do so i spend day and night with her but she still seems to have contact through email on her blackberry i think they exchange hello emails and although he lives out of town i think she is more arroused from the messages she recieve from him than talking to me all day. is there any way to get the trust back, i don't know...will it ever stop in my mind not until he finds someone else
—Guest dreadful

cheatin heart

I met my husband at the age of 17, he was 20. We spent the next twenty some years together until one day he came home and told me he didn't love me anymore but denied there was anyone else. Well, after 6 months I found there was someone else. I was 42 and on my own for the very first time in my life. Even with a degree in criminal justice, I couldn't find a job that would support me very well and since my ex made more money than me he got the good lawyer. The one I got screwed me. Anyway, I struggle everyday just to survive because I was too hurt and stupid to take what I deserved. I don't even have a car. Even after five years of the divorce, I'm still hurting financially anyway. Some day things will get better, I just have to keep the faith. Thanks for letting me share
—Guest broken

Cheaters make mistakes

I noticed the cell phone on vibrate a lot. Then, some strange stories about a guy that worked for him calling at odd times. I started looking at receipts. I found one for KY, I don't use it. I went right to him but passed his cell phone on the way.I picked it up and read a new text from the other woman calling him baby...armed with both I confronted the cheater. He confessed after many attempts at creative stories. What a lier. We are in counseling, but the trust is still gone for now. I am now watching the computer & cell as I think he is up to his old tricks again.
—Guest Patient Detective

how i found out

My husband found his ex on facebook. I thought nothing at first, then they were talking on the phone and then text messaging, Then one night while trying to get on Netflix with our daughter. I found an e-mail she sent to him stating she loved him and couldn't wait to see him again. He denied it of course. Now he tells me he doesn't have feelings for me anymore. He is constantly out of the house for all hours. He brings a change of clothes with him to work, makes sure he doesn't come home until the kids and i are asleep and now the neighbors are telling me that he comes home at all different hours. Who ever she is....she can have him! and do his laundry, cook his meals! He filed for a divorce in May. Still waiting for the papers to come.
—Guest Ginamaria

Is it happening?

I have read a few of these stories and I have been wondering for a while now. I am currently in Iraq and she is back home. When I first got over here she was always happy to hear from me and we would trade 5 to 7 e-mails each day. We have webcams that we can use once in a while on weekends and at first we would use it every sunday. Now she makes plans with her "girlfriends" for the whole weekend but is sketchy when she tells me what they did. It always involves going out and drinking at bars and pill use. She admitted to getting into pills while I have been over here but then blew it off as not a problem. Anytime I confront her on what is going on she gets very defensive and will avoid the question by trying to attack me with my past. She had a problem with drinking and cocaine in the past where she broke up with me (before we were married) and had oral and regular sex with this guy that she said she swears she didnt have anything going on while we were still together. She lied a lot.
—Guest Sad Soldier

I am that other guy

2 all guys who wrote in that there wife is cheating on them, I am the other guy who is with another mans wife,we have had a relationship for over a year,she's 11yrs older than me but the greatest woman I've ever met,does it make me a bad person for being with this woman.NO it doesn't ,look what all you guys need to understand is women are not straight sexual creatures like we as men R. YES they do need and enjoy sex as much of any of us,however they are much more emotinal beings,so who is to blame for your wife cheating on you?is it her?you? You may find this answer shocking and hard to swallow but its U.evrey time you think about her cheating,think about the things you did wrong,how comfortable you,how you took her for granted all of thoes years&how u diddnt give her what she needed.think about when you 2 were just married,how u treated her then compaired to right b4 u found out she was cheating on you,im not sayin u can't b mad but look in the mirror b4 u point pass the blame
—Guest the other man

Five

1. I was cleaning up my daughter's bedroom, found a four page letter from "Rico" 2. Yesterday, she left her cellphone. Text message from two guys at work waiting to have sex with her again after her six week abstain from sex due to surgery. 3. Her text confession to a friend of her bad "hook-up" There are least five guys from work and now I have leaverage at the divorce settlement
—Guest w Miller

hurt

I suspected my husband was cheating when @ 1 am one morning I went to charge my phone and I saw he had a text message that was from someone by the name of Mack. I text back to see if it was a mistake because I thought, why would a man send a message like that to my husband. And sure enough she was like duh I sent it to you and she text back and told my husband to go to bed as if she knew all his moves and what time he went to bed. I woke my husband up and he denied it of course. He argued with me day in and day out. Until one day he finaly admitted to only talking to her as a good friend. He lied about having sex with her for the longest. The woman herself admitted to them having sex and that is how i found out. she was also married with three kids. And we only had 2. He left me and kids for months without talking to us and we got divorced. We had been married for 8and1/2 years.
—ljulien26

A Minister's Lies and Deceit

He is a "Minister" who became "friendly" with a woman from the community near the church. Soon, she joined the church and the two became inseparable. Wherever he went, there she was; whatever he was involved in, so was she. When he had a meeting to attend, she would need a ride. Whenever I questioned him, he said that she was "helping" him with his work in the community. When it became obvious that there was more to it, I questioned her. She acted outraged that I would think that there was anything between them so I dropped the idea. After he was dismissed from the church he was pastoring, I found notes that she had written to him, and unsigned cards under his side of the bed. When I questioned him, he swore that those things had been left in his office at church and meant nothing to him. He continued to state that he was not interested! Recently, I learned that they have a bank account together, supposedly to start a church. He still denies any relationship - I left in March
—Ladyb50

obivious

I"m sure my husband is cheating, he leaves after 10pm each night and does not come home until 4am it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure this out. Says he hasn't felt anything for along time. Funny just 3 months ago have I told u I Love you today please help
—Guest Nurse

it was sunday afternoon

I sat down to my computer and saw an open email box from wife to guy talking about details of sexual encounters and plans to divorce me eventually. I confronted her, she said "everybody has affairs, there's nothing wrong with them," "I have enough love for two men," etc. etc. First thing I did was go back to the computer and change the beneficiaries on my life insurance policies from my wife to my kids. Wife was shocked when she saw me do this (of course, I think we were both in shock at this time). The next day she offered to drop the guy and stay with me a couple of years until we could sell the house for more money. I declined this business offer. I installed a keystroke logger on her computer. Next week, I had her boyfriends email address (work and personal) and gave him a buzz on the phone introducing myself and forwarded him some emails. He's probably still hiding under a rock. Divorce not going well. Wife still freaked, had to be dragged to 1st mediation session.
—Guest martingo

Somehting woke me up at 2:30 am.

Something woke me up at 2:30 am, and told me to go to his brothers spare room window I did and I heard her moaning. Yes we were fighting and he was drunk. I love him so very much but I do not know how to forgive him. I have never been hurt like this before. We have a three year old daughter and I am so lost and I do not know what to do HELP!
—Guest Never felt pain like this

She Won't Admit to Cheating

I had a feeling that something just wasn't right, and something was going on. So after a while, I checked her e-mail. She was carrying on x-rated "chats" with an older man. When I confronted her, she said it was nothing, and she saw nothing wrong with it. At our second (and her last) visit to marriage counseling, she agreed to end her correspondence with this man. The same night, I later found out, she started up with someone else. She also went to a motel with a man (and claims nothing happened). That's when I was done. Come to find out, her trip to the motel was not her first!
—Guest Dave

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