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Readers Respond: How Did You Learn That Your Spouse Was Cheating?

Responses: 206


Most people are intuitive enough that they suspect cheating while it is going on. Others need hard evidence of the cheating. Which group do you belong to? Did you sense something was wrong or did you have no idea your spouse was cheating until you were faced with evidence to the contrary?

If you are seeking advice and support check about a particular problem check out the Divorce Support Forum.This is not an area to ask questions, if you have a problems and need help please post to the Divorce Support Forum linked to above.

Cheating husband

My husband cheating on me after I read some very compromising text messages on his phone. I had seen him texting that woman a month.before but nothing serious. He said shes just a friend. The day I found out I was very sick after coming home from the dentist. He was taking a shower and decided to check his phone. Great idea I found and read things like "when are you going to pleasure me again" I walked in the b.r asked him who Marissa was and he got very nervous I said well then ill call her and see he deleted her number., I contacted her through facebook and she told me she's the girl hes been sleeping with for three months. !!!! I confronted him and he said she lied he only had an affair with her once. I spoke to him , we talked things out and now our marriage is better than ever. Ladies never let your husband hide his phone , go out alone and not call him once in a while before its too late.
—Guest Giggles

My Husband And Cousin Via Facebook

When you get together you should keep the attitude that "this is 4right now" we don't own them & vise verse. we should not get so dependent on others (meaning 1 mate) for our happiness in life. As it's now going people just have kids out of wedlock. I trusted my husband with my life & I never thought he would cheat behind my back with my also married herself skanky cousin who lived 8 hours away. the two of them did their best to discredit me to my family. I was newly living a life of total sobriety & instead of their love & support they only under mind me at every turn. I found out when my husband got too deep in it all & she was asking him to run away with her. Being the coward loser he really is he has me find pictures in his phone. A double betrayal. She can only say nasty things to me now. I guess her plans got squashed & her ego bruised. So she then butters up to my sister & continues to act like she did nothing wrong. I'm numb still. they deserve each other.
—Guest double betrayal

Facebook Chat Log Reveals Cheating

I downloaded a copy of my husbands facebook chats after I changed his account info to my email address ( they are sent email their acct info has changed so you need to head that one off quick by getting in their email and deleting those and then cover your tracks by deleting what was in their trash ) But a couple days later you'll receive a message your FB downloads ready. Boy was I shocked!
—Guest kim

I Just Knew It!

So here i am 26 and working 70 hour weeks to support her and my boy two, she starts working extra hours at work no biggie right then tells me about these other girls at her work who cheat didn't think much of it at the time then i run into a coworker of her and she tells me about my wife and the cop at her work at the checkout line at wallyworld...i got to digging in the bank statements and at my bank found she was hiding money in a separate account that's the one she used to rent the hotel down the street from her job. long story short she is single and my new wife moved in about two weeks ago and we joke about how she told me about my ex cheating and didn't even know it was with her husband at the time.....funny how things work out
—Guest pastexmech

I Found His Sex Tapes

I knew something was up and kept presenting my husband with little things I found that did not make sense--that pointed to him having an affair. He denied all of them. I kept looking. Finally one day I went in his trunk and deep inside the side wall I found 20 sex Dvd's he made with his married lover. I watched the first one and that was it. My life has changed forever. Keep looking--you will find something--if cheating is going on.
—Guest Wendy

Pathetic waste of time

I actually had a clue after i first met my Ex.girlfriend breezy, she lied to me and told me she had feelings for me within 2 weeks of dating.Then she asked me to be her girlfriend when she had just broke up with her girlfriend a week before we met.People told me not to trust her and leave but i didnt listen,I stayed and 6 months in she met a girl(down-grade) from a chatline and started to persue a friendship with intent to date.We started having senseless arguments and then we broke up after 11 months and a month before it happend she started dating the other girl,after the beakup she went on a sex rampage(didnt know) we became associates found out she had an sti and now she is going through alot of drama and i am happy for myself and i know i am going to be blessed because i been through hell and back cause of God
—Guest Karma,22

Caught Him Cheating

its been two weeks since I found out my hubby was running around with some females. he took these girls to my friends ex house, little did he know that my girl was their. he was caught and in his defense, he say"s he did it so that I would hear about. he wanted me to want him. wow, I think that was pretty selfish in his part. My husband has a drug addiction. he has had one for many years. i HAVE ALWAYS STOOD BY HIS SIDE.We were like Bonny and Clyde.
—Guest cloudy

Signs of Cheating

I have read about your site and the nine signs a spouse is cheating and in fact I experienced seven of these signs from my girlfriend and now I have to break-up with her. Please I need more advice on relationship topics, since I'm now single and searching for the right one. THANK YOU
—Guest Joathan Armah

Cheated With His Therapist

The first time my husband cheated on me was with his high school sweetheart for a whole weekend while I was at the hospital with my dying mother. My husband has always worked out of town for the last 15 years, so I'm sure there has been many. The 2nd time was when he had to see a physiotherapist 3 times a week and they were going out and seeing each other. I got a call from her ex boyfriend and that's how I found out. It was the 3rd married patient that she had seduced, and broke up 3 marriages, including mine now. And no, she didn't lose her job but she should have. If a man did this, seduced his patients, I'm sure he would have been charged.
—Guest shalibali

How I Found Out

I went through his phone. He says they are just friends but I don't believe him because of the messages I read. They were quite loving messages to me. These women live abroad and they have been communicating for three months, that's what he says and I don't believe him. Please help me I don't know if he's telling me the truth.
—Guest Bridget

Porn Addict Husband

It has been 9 years since my husband lost his job. We had our first child and I found out that rather than trying to find a job he would spend hours looking at porn. Once I confronted him about the porn and he swore to me that he would stop. Flash forward 9 years later, our sex life is non-existent. I found that he was still spending hours looking at porn; the websites were more how should I say interactive, blond hairs found in my bathroom, closet, basement. He has denied affairs, sexting, online sex, etc. I have reviewed his emails, texts and have not found anything. I have searched his computer and still nothing. My gut says he is up to something. I just do not have the proof. I asked him to leave because I cannot stand the psychological stress. He will not leave. Is there anything else that I should consider to look for or is he just a porn addict?
—Guest Never again

Married To A Serial Cheater

I found my husband was cheating me in just one week after we married and not just one lady, a series of married women. I was shocked and it took days for me to b in the normal and when I enquired about that, he told me that there are all his fans. There is nothing abnormal with this and he is so shameless that he is proud of this. I don’t know how to handle this situation. He often goes out with these ladies and has sex with them and he never tried for sex with me for this whole year. He himself told me that he started this kind of life from his 6th grade. He still keeps his ex-girl friends' photos, letters, greeting cards and everything with him, which are more than 14 or 15 years old. In his cell there are messages from those girls sent before 3 or 4 years and I’m still with him. Don’t know what to do. I don’t have a place to go.
—Guest guest india

Cheating While I Was Pregnant

I found out he was cheating the last 3 months of my pregnancy when he lost his job. He was her manager and her boyfriend was finally so fed up he called and got them both fired. I found out a week after our baby was born. And then found out she was 3 months pregnant and didn't know who the father was. I knew something was going on from the moment it started, but chose not to believe it. I let him make me believe I was just being paranoid and entrusting because I didn't want to believe the truth that I knew. His phone was constantly glued to him, he was texting non stop, coming home later and later from work and sometimes not coming in until 4 am. I will never again look the other way and not believe what I know in my gut. No matter how manipulative a man will be. Always trust your gut.
—Guest Keri

Married for 45 Years, Now She is Dead

My wife died last year. Before she got sick she cheated on me regularly and kept me from finding out until I went through her papers and found photos, love letters, a journals she had kept. I knew of 2 men she had been with early in our marriage. The 1st was an old boy friend who wanted another romp for old times sake. He still wasn't any good in bed so she told him not to come back. Then told me about it when I got home from work. I was hurt and told her I didn't like her messing around like that. A few years later she got a crush on my sister's husband. They were not getting along and he had moved out. My wife told him when I'd be at work he would come over and spend the night with her. This went on for over a month; they had been together more that 2 dozen times when she finally decided to call it quits. She told me about it one morning as we made love. Her breasts were too sore. Why? Because he had been too rough with them last night.

I Caught Him With My Friend

My good friend was visiting and I had to leave and left her at my house on the computer to finish what she was doing and leave at her leisure. I forgot my purse and when I came back in his hand was pulling off her panties at the computer and they were kissing wildly as if they had been waiting for the chance. They told me it had been going on for a while. Needless to say I don't see either anymore, but they are married now.
—Guest jessica

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