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Readers Respond: How Did You Learn That Your Spouse Was Cheating?
Responses: 52

By Cathy Meyer, About.com Guide

Filed In:

Extra-Marital Affairs

From the article: Top 9 Signs Your Spouse Is Cheating

Most people are intutive enough that they suspect cheating while it is going on. Others need hard evidence of the cheating. Which group do you belong to? Did you sense something was wrong or did you have no idea your spouse was cheating until you were faced with evidence to the contrary? Share Your Story

screwedbyhisexwife

my husband and i have been married almost four years. i have had to put up with his ex wife since the day that we got married.their children are grown and have lives of their own, but that is their excuse for keeping in touch. last month i went out of town for a week and found out that his ex wife was layed up in a motel in our town. when confronted about it, he called me stupid several times, and told me that if i didn"t trust him,i could leave. he erases his phone calls, and swears up and down that he has broken contact with her but i know that he hasn't.i truly could use some advise.
—Guest rita

trapped in a denial bubble

I guess I always knew my husband was cheating,I could feel it deep down but always hoped for some hard evidence. I had even asked him straight out,but he always lied. After I had received some questionable text messages I knew I was just lying to myself as well. I left him for someone else with whom I had my own affair with. later after a divorce education class we went to dinner and that was the first time he had actually been honest with me about his affairs. Although I was angry and upset that he could sleep with 2 different women during our marriage I was finally no longer living a lie. I thank him for that . I am without my denial bubble
—Guest Heather

justbeenscrewed

you people all need a huge dose of sympathy, a pray that you all found it somewhere. heres mine, its extremely rough. we have been married 10 years. today, a woman stood at my gate and said my husband owes me money. for what i ask, for sex says she, i still stupidly ask how much, R150 she said. well, thats how I found out. I asked my husband to come home so we could talk, and I told him what had happened. He hasnt come home yet.... why, is all I can say. we did actually have a love life, so he cannot say I was never there. Needlesss to say, I am shattered. prayers for you all and guys, we love you. why do you hurt us?????
—justbeenscrewed

I thought I was safe!

Well my husband was gone most the day and almost most the night too due to work some days he would stay home but mostly he was gone I was pregnant and towards the end it hurt to make love to him then we had the six weeks after and I thought he was fine with that things went on as normal then we decided we needed to get out together well my husband got too smashed and we took a cab home got him in the house and on the couch to passout me and my sitter took a walk to go get our car while we were walking thats when I got the news I was devistated that is when I remembered that I got flowers that day (witch was highly unusual I didn't even get flowers on mothers day witch was when our daughter was born) and also he came home didn't take a shower and made love to me right away. Thats when I started feeling sick and threw up(can you blame me) I needed more proof I needed the absolute with-out a doubt truth. So I went to the girl he slept with and I (not so nicely) asked her and she confesed.
—Stacey924

SHE SAID SHE WAS DREAMING

Me and my wife have been together for 7 years and married for 2. well we have been having some problems because we live a part about a hour,One night I was talking to her on the phone and her voice was shakey like someone was doing something to her.I asked her what was up and she blew it off like nothing,so we began talking somemore and then all of the sudden I heard a sucking sound, like someone was sucking her breast. I ignored it for the moment to listen closer.As were talking 10min goes by and she starts talking weird again,I tell her that ill be back im going to the bathroom she said ok.I put the phone on mute and listened to see what was up and sure enough i could hear another guy pleasuring her to an orgasm i could tell she tried to supress the sound,shortly after that i hear her bed sqeeking,and the guy and my wife breathing verry heavy and then it sounded like he came this all happened in 10 min.I confronted her about it and she still denies it,i was hearing things she says
—Guest jake

Still Hurting A Year Later

I found out my spouse had cheated from the girlfirend. He had broken off a 3 month affair that he had with his partner that he worked with and she decided to send a card to the house when she knew he would be away. A year later we are still together, but not a day goes by that I wish I never knew what had happened. I had no clue that this was going on and never thought this could happen to me after 20 years of marriage. She was upset that he broke off the relationship with her after he told her he was never going to leave his family and she wanted me to know so I would leave him. I hope one day the same thing happens to her and if our paths ever cross she will wish they hadn't. Our relationship has changed forever.
—Guest Still Hurting A Year Later

My husband had a 6 month affair

The thought of my husband cheating never crossed my mind but my best friend and her husband suspected that he was. They actually asked me if I knew he was having an affair, "no way, not my husband" and then my friends pointed out all the signs to me, we even knew the female. I confronted my husband 3 different times and each time he denied having an affair, he would even cry saying how much he loved me, I believed him. Two years later I'm putting his socks away in his dresser drawer and I come across some hallmark cards, I'm thinking how nice it is that he kept the cards I gave him. What a shock it was when I opened each card and they're signed Love, H.W.. My loving husband had kept the cards she had given him. That's how I found out that my husband did have an affair 2 years prior, when I had first confronted him those 3 times. By the way, if anyone is wondering, the H.W. stood for home wrecker, her real name was Felicia.
—Guest Liz

He did it again

My husband and I have been together for 9 years and married to 4 on thursday. He cheated in 2007 but we worked things out. Just the otherday I found out he has been cheating on me again with a 21 year old girl. He met her on the internet and within a week threw our marriage away. He pulled the whole, I'm not in love with you anymore act as well as I need space. Then he would sneak out in my truck and go see her in the middle of the night. I am amazed at how selfish and ungrateful a person can be. They deserve each other and he can no longer hold me down. After an ever important talk with the girls I realize I have always been out of his league. I guess what hurts the most is he is being so cold, like I need to grow up because I am still upset. It has only been 5 days! But good ridance. I don't have to take care of him anymore. Even though it hurts maybe there is a reason for everything.
—Guest Hurt mama

My wife fell in love with Coworker

My wife had a guy start working with her while he was on light duty. She started talking to him about her feelings and she told me that he was teaching her things and helping her to learn things about herself that she had not known before. She said that I should be okay with her having friends that were male. She feel in love with him and decided to move out from me and the three kids the day after Christmas. Since then she has gone and spent the weekend on the mountains with him for the weekend and has even tried to start relationships with two other guys since leaving me while still keeping him in her life as a friend. I am hurt that she left me and for falling in love with another guy and ruining our family. But now she is trying to get some other guy who will be hurt when she lies to him about her "work" friend. She would talk to him for up to 2 hours on the phone after her bedtime while I was at work. She didnt want to talk me to/from work bcuz she wanted to talk 2 him instead.
—Guest LostherinLakewood

she was cheating on me

She started to go out at the same time everyday, telling me that she needed to buy something.Things got worst, when I check the phone bill, I discovered that she was talking and texting a guy eveynight from 12am to 3am or 5am. Very short phone calls, I think she was steping out of the house at night to meet the guy. she then bought a prepaid phone to call him. She stays late at work now and tells me that I dont trust her. She wants me to move for a month because she loves me but she doesnt feel the chemistry anymore. We have 3 kids and it is very hard to swallow. I want to believe her but I cant. As soon as I can I will go away>
—Guest chicago

Is he really just a "Friend"

I could tell that there was a problem with us. I suspected another man. It was something i could just feel. I would show up at her work to see who she was talking with, or who was hanging arround. I even askeed her are you involved with another man, and she said no. After severl months she said she was going out of town with a girl friend, something was just not right. I asked to speak to the friend, but she could not produce her voice. Severla hours later i received a txt from the friend 'they were together' and I had a problem" I searched phone records the next day, why we she call a frind she was supposed to be with. I looked further and found a number I did not know. it was another man. She had gone out of town for the weekend with another man..she says he is just a friend, and did not have sex with him. All the lies, and deception. I am a mess, What do I think. The texting was going on for months, was just the validation. My trust for her is gone, she is lying to me.what to do?
—Guest Burned

She says it only happened once...

She had (unprotected (she is not on the pill!!!)) sex with a guy she works with a year ago. I found out 8 months ago and still struggling to deal with it. It's eating me alive. Don't know what to do.
—Guest James

how i found out my wife was cheating

Thanksgiving: home for a week, up early to do chores, dressing in the dark to let my wife sleep in, pulled a pair of underwear and realized they were to big, turned on the light and realized not my brand... asked wife who stated she didn't know whose they were... admitted later to having 7 month affair and doing laundry for the other guy and accidently mixed his underwear with mine... hit me like a sledge hammer... decided to get rid of the bed and found pants 5 sizes larger then mine hidden under the mattress... I had bought the mattress set for my wife and I when we started dating 9 years before... it was our bed and now some other man had been in it... hard to take so I took the mattress out to the burn pit and burned them... some might think this extreme but I was very much in control of my thoughts and feelings... and I actually felt relieved at not sleeping in a be another man had been in with my wife.
—Guest im1of5

husband likes men!

i found his chat room open on his computer. he was chatting w/very young looking asian & hispanics. he had did a pretty good job of hiding his preferences.
—Guest penny the beard

Shocked and devestated

At 60 yrs old, 27 yrs of marriage and 3 kids, my husband told me that he doesn't love me. He loves his girlfriend. He wasn't HAPPY in our marriage. He had been having an affair for 3 months, with a woman he met at a motel in another state. He usually worked out of state coming home on weekends, so I had no clue. He took all our savings, ($50,000.00) bought a rent to own house, finaniced a business for her, and moved her here, just a few miles from me and blocks from my daughter. She doesn't work he supports her 100%. HOWEVER, the jokes on him! Found out that she is a 4x felon, last one for cocaine, child support, the IRS, and Attnorey General is after her, she has spent her life living off and taking men for all they have. (in exchange for sex.) In 5 months my husband has lost me and his 3 adult children, the respect of everyone who knows him, he has spent all the money and is now broke. I hope he found that happiness he was looking for.
—sisterj3