1. People & Relationships

Readers Respond: How Did You Know It Was Time To Divorce?

Responses: 311

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My Life Is Shattered

We have been together for eleven years, married for just over five. She had her first affair with her boss at work 6 months after our wedding. He was 60 ,she was 25. We tried to make things work. She had her second affair with her boss at a different place of work 2 years ago. She had massive daddy issues and was always attracted to older men at work. She pushed for a divorce. She is now married to the boss she had the affair with and has a child. I have been left to pick up the pieces. I was stressed our entire marriage with her lies and scheming. I ended up having a nervous breakdown and being addicted to sleeping tablets to cope. I have lost both my homes, my business and confidence as a result. I went from a bright young City broker earning a great living to living in a room in a friends house. I am living a nightmare. You don't treat people like that. There are always consequences to your actions. How she sleeps at night is beyond me.
—class777

Broken Promises

One child, 16 years, 1 promise I made her before her breast cancer surgery, I'll not leave you because any different or less of a women. Was 9 years ago. Neither are happy, can't talk, no sex or affection. I'm a man of my word but I can't do it any longer. I'm well liked by most any person, I am a giver, but I have nothing left to give. I'm empty over this life changing decision, but have to make it before this situation makes me like her. Empty mean and cold.
—Guest Need to!

I Want Out

I want out of my marriage. I've been married to my husband for two years, but we have been together for three years. We have a huge, huge,lack of communication. My husbands way of communicating to me is through TEXT message. We argue over little stupid things. We sleep in separate bedrooms and rarely have sex. I don't want to be touched. It's so peaceful when he's at work or I go out of town to see my family. We both are miserable and said we would go to counseling. However, a month later still no counseling together. I went to counseling one time, but we need to go as a couple.We went to our Pastor for counseling and haven't heard back from him, so we had to venture out on our own. I so over the arguments and unhappiness.We don't want to get a divorce because it's the easy way out. We both agreed we got engaged to early and I wasn't in love with him when we married. I grew to love him, but now I want to bail out.
—Guest OMG

He Started Hiking!

Hiking!! He would take phone calls and leave the room or even the house. I thought he was my best friend, my lover, my everything, only goes to show. We had maybe 5 arguments in 27yrs and all of sudden he can't live with a house bound woman who can't hike! Unbelievable. I am still in shock completely, this just happened this week. I talked to the woman he was "hiking with" and asked her if she was having an affair with my husband, after seeing her phone number so many times on our cell bill. She replied "ask your husband." There is no humanity left in this world, I was not mad really more cordial. I worked my whole life up until 5yrs ago, I am 60. He was a couch potato who suddenly became a health nut. Ishould have realized then, but I thought it was his diabetes he was trying to keep under control. He kept me and my MS under control, I believed anything he told me! I had 2 horrible back surgeries before they diagnosed me with MS. Too bad, I would have done anything for him!
—Guest EastCoastKat

Bad Guy

I have read all of the post as I lay here on my couch again sleeping due to my refusal to share a bed with my wife. She has completely taken me for granted and believes my life is to suit her. Why do all the decisions fall on me and why when I fail she is my worst critic. We have two children and my life is driven by their happiness and I can honestly say she is not forgotten with surprise dinners walks and taking the kids so she can go out with her friends alone. I ask when has she asked me to do anything with her that she has came up with and the answer is never. I believe she has fully taken me for granted and when I bring up the divorce word things will be better for few days then back to her routine. I can say that I am exhausted with trying to make this work.
—Guest Men not always the bad guy

I Have a Good Husband!

I have been married 18 years. I have three wonderful children all over 13 years of age. I believe it may be time to separate. He has never had much emotion. But he's kind, good and always there. He does everything he should as a dad. He works around the house. He gets presents for me from kids for birthdays and Christmas but he's never said I'm pretty or beautiful. He doesn't gaze at me. He never flirts or laughs or plays. He's task oriented, constantly sweeping or folding laundry. He's not on my side for conversations. He doesn't react or respond much to my stories. He doesn't like doing things with me. It's like we've become room mates. It's just not fun. I don't want to hurt everyone. I don't even know if someone else will ever give me those things. But, I want them. My kids will go on and I don't want to be left in an empty feeling relationship, just because we committed to get old and spend life together. I am a risk taker. I feel like there could be something more for me. Maybe not.
—Guest swimmer

Kept Putting It off

I thought that we were forever. I was his 3rd wife. I stayed because of the children. But I went thru Swine Flu one year then the next year almost died. Those were my signs that I should have moved on years ago. We were married for 16 years. He told friends that I left him for a woman and our daughter was pregnant. We weren't sexual and he didn't spend time with us and our children. He was either too tired or go hand with his friends. So I will take 50 % of the blame but it wasn't worth staying and becoming a bitter witch. I'm glad that I left and got myself back. Now my daughter is learning that living with daddy isn't a bed of roses.
—Guest BlkGeek57

When To Call It Quits?

I have been married for 18 years with 3 beautiful children. I have supported my husband in the most difficult of financial times. But my husband would bring this big argument every once in a year and we fight and he will move out for weeks and now from last year is months. He is addicted to porn and we do not talk, or even look at each other. we do not have sex as he is never in the mood and if we do is just a waste of time as he can never satisfy himself. The last argument we had was for no reason and his parents and brother are making it worst. Every time I ask for a divorce he makes excuses and discourages but now I am so tired and frustrated and feel so sad and demotivated. I work and have been working with the big pay check earner, pay bills, take care of my kids, clean, cook, run errands and he does nothing but watch porn on internet for hours and hours. When I confront him he either denies or says yes so what??
—Guest Guest Annie

A Million Reasons

I've been married for 10 years with my children's dad and we had not been getting along. Had lack of good intimacy and other cheating concerns with him as well as sexual abuse. No change in his life for the good of me and our children and always struggling round and round in circles. Main issues and concerns is dealing with stress and uninterested in him anymore. Tried to stay in it for the kids but now I feel like I would be cheating myself. So I have to do this step in order for things to work in benefit for me and children a better way of living and stress free life.
—Guest deanna

I Knew What He Was Like Before Marriage

I have been with my husband for 11 years, only married for a little over a year. Many problems from the very beginning that I over looked because of being lonely and low self esteem. We don't have anything in common, we barely ever sleep together and when we do it is the same old routine that leaves me feeling very unsatisfied and empty. He will never cheat, he acts like I am everything but I pay most the bills while he contributes a small portion, I clean the house while he lays down and watches TV until bedtime. If something breaks I fix it, when I want to do something fun I either go by myself or hang out with the kids. When we do go out to eat or something we have a nice time but it feels forced. Romance doesn't exist. I feel guilty for wanting more, needing more, starving for more. We have had many many talks with plans to change that never happen. I am scared I'm wasting my youth. I feel like I want to leave but I don't know how because it has been so long. How many years do you try?
—Guest lost

Hoodwinked

I was in a long term relationship for 8 years before my husband so I made sure to explain and make clear of my likes and dislikes! So when he didn't cheated so he says but a woman called our HOME in 2005 crying saying she loved him and when he gets busted texting up a storm in 2009 and in 2010 buys a pay as you go phone but we both have iPhones. I've been hoodwinked! Let me just say I'm not a super mode but get men approaching me ALL the time. I don't drink, don't have any kids and a great career. Can't help it if I'd rather go to a play then a bar, rather go to a jazz sit down adult atmosphere then a college bar. I just turned 39 and he will be 36 this year! Hell my ex even sends me flowers every year! I quit and I'm tired..... Oh and ALWAYS ask them where their mother is! I know the meaning of the mother in law hell! The best thing about all this is no one will EVER be able to hurt me like this again... Cause their not getting that close!
—Guest Lesson received, lesson learned

One Way Street

After working 10 to 14 hours a day, sometimes 6 days a week, I would come come to a wife who barely looked up from her Facebook page. Months without sex or play, and now she is the one who says she needs a support group. We have not spoken in four months, but I am still numb. I read about these poor people who have had cheaters, spouses who abuse them, etc. I had one who did not seem to care if I was there or not, until it came time to pay the bills. You all are in my thoughts as we heal together...I hope.
—Guest Finished

Things Have Changed

My husband and I have been married for a little over 2 years, together for over 8 year but since we got married he has been on a downward spiral. We have 2 kids in the home, our 4 year old together and my teenage son. He is an alcoholic, he does go to work and tries to provide for us but his drinking is getting worse and worse. I have begged him to get help and he will not. I go to school full time (which he says he supports but doesn't)and I have no help at home. I have 2 days off a week and they are spent taking care of everything in the house and dealing with the kids and bills. I get to spend my days off watching him passed out in the recliner or steady drinking watching TV. He has no drive to do better or make a better life for us, we are struggling financially so bad right now that we have had to get on welfare. I feel like I just can not do it anymore and so I have started making plans to leave. I love him but I know sometime love is not enough.
—Guest Barely hanging on

He doesnt love me no more

We got married very young. When he turned 21 he started cheating. I saw the signs but I thought it was me not being a good wife. I'm now 39 did i fool my self thinking he will change? I'm done with him. Its been 23yrs of living insecure about my self. I don't need a man like that. Ill make it on my own now.
—Guest A forgotten person

I Gave Him Everything

I'm divorcing my husband as we speak. We've been together for four years, and married for just over two. Things were really rocky our entire relationship, but kept thinking that things would get better. He didn't work for the first year of our marriage and did not do anything around the house in that time. I would work 70 hour weeks to support us, and he would be angry and nasty when I got home. Once he started working and I changed jobs, I thought things were getting better. We hadn't fought in about a year, we had fun together, and we had sex every once in a while. But I felt like he wasn't in love with me, and when we talked about it, he promised he'd change. We went through marriage counseling at this time too. The final straw came when he told me he had a crush on a coworker and had been withholding affection from me because he "was shallow." I'm 20lb heaver than when we met. After everything I supported him through... I still love him, but I deserve better.
—Guest RenaPina

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